Anyobody I can be completely honest to?

[marie260]

I don't really know where to start, I'm new here. I have been struggling with intense sad periods, which I am scared to call depressions, but I've never felt the way I do now. Those sad periods always lasted a week at most, but I've been feeling this way for months now, being triggered by a stupid break-up of a two year relationship. A break-up caused by my recurring sadness. I am already seeing a psychologist, but am starting to feel even worse. I can't reach her for a week, because of the holidays but I can feel myself falling deeper into a real depression and I am struggling to eat well, I hardly sleep and my suicidal thoughts are increasing. I've been talking about it a bit with my best friend, but not using any terms such as 'depression' and 'suicidal', just saying things are going even worse. I don't know how to communicate this to my parents and I don't want to start the new year like this. I feel like if I keep trying to do this all alone, I might not be here for long. I am scared of myself, but I don't know what I can do to stop al of this. Can anybody talk to me? Is there anybody with who I can just use all these terms and be completely honest to without worrying about upsetting?

[kenster1]

hi sorry to read of your struggles glad your reaching out even talking to a friend.the more you open up the easier things will become.depression/anxiety can be tough in a relationship I can vouch for that horrible as it may seem.talk to your parents its important they know so they can help.

[marie260 in reply to kenster1]

Yeah, I try to talk to them as much as I can, I've even been with both of them seperatly to my counsling, but I everytime I feel worse I can't tell just how much worse and just how bad I feel. I don't want them to worry, because I make myself feel this way. I don't want to make them unhappy. And when I talk to them it;s like they suddenly have to know everything, but I can't tell them everything. I can't show them so much of my unhappiness, it will scare them or make them mad about why I haven't told them before

[kenster1 in reply to marie260]

hey its a parents natural thing to worry about children they would be more mad at you for not telling them.its good they are supporting you they really do care and would understand.

[marie260 in reply to kenster1]

I am quite bad at writing shortly....

[tea42]

marie260 I , too , have struggled mostly in the past with these same issues of depression and even suicidal thoughts. It was very prevalent in my teen years and early 20’s. I would have panic and anxiety attacks. I didn’t know what was going on with me. I felt like I shouldn’t be that way but also felt helpless to do anything about it. I’m going to be completely honest here, but I thought I was going to die and it was a scary place to be. I tried meds. But it made me feel worse. I had started going back to church, which was strange for me after being away so long. But I went to the Dr. also and told him how I was feeling. He actually encouraged me to pray and read my Bible! What a shocker !! I had started doing that already and it did help. I also started journaling my thoughts, moods and prayers to God. That really helped too! Looking back , I really thank God for that doctor who encouraged me! Most just want to push pills. Not that I’m against them but everyone is different, and I couldn’t take the side effects.

Anyway, i even went to a prayer/ healing service at my church at the time. I’m glad I did that also because I was healed of my panic attacks!😀 I still had a ways to go to climb up from the depression and anxious thoughts, but again I just keep turning to the Lord and seeking His help. I went through a divorce after a 20 year marriage. I don’t know which was tougher, the marriage or divorce. But I know one thing, my Faith in God, my family and friends were there for me. I had to talk about my feelings, which is not easy at times. But it’s worse if we keep things bottled up inside. A trusted friend or family member that is a positive influence can be a tremendous help! These are just some of my experiences and things that have helped me.

Please don’t listen to the lies about taking your life! Life is a gift from God and Jesus came so that we could have it to the full!!

He also wants to give us eternal life as a gift! If you have a Bible, I would encourage you to read it , especially about Jesus’s life! He’s all about Love & forgiveness, grace and mercy, compassion & kindness. He loves you so much❣️🤗🙏

[marie260 in reply to tea42]

thank you so much for replying, I just don’t think that personally it would help for me, because i think i’ve got to create a faith in me before i focus on creating a faith in someone else, but i think it’s really great and very special you have found your way to feel better through faith in God, I just don’t think I’m up to that

[tea42 in reply to marie260]

That’s okay- I understand 😊 I’m glad you are trying to reach out. That’s a good thing and it helps to share our struggles with others who are going through some thing similar.

You are a valuable person with a purpose and gifts to share with others!

Lots of love ❤️💕💝

[Hidden in reply to tea42]

I talk to God, but wouldn’t know where to begin reading the Bible. Maybe just what I need!

[tea42 in reply to Hidden]

Hi! I just watched a very encouraging movie. You’re probably heard of it. It’s called Gods Not Dead: A Light in the Darkness. It really helped to open my eyes to see the importance of keeping our faith even through the tough times, tragedies, doubts, and darkness. It’s okay to ask the hard questions like why do bad things happen? And to be reminded that love , Gods love, is always there for us, and for us to experience that & share it with others . 🙏✝️❤️🦋

[bmbmom]

The rational part of my brain says, “talk to your parents, maybe they can’t show that they care, but they do. And they should at least be in the know”

But then the anxiety/depression part of my brain says don’t bother because unless you’ve (they’ve) gone through it, you just don’t get it.

It sucks. And it only takes one little thing to trigger a spiral. And then you beat yourself up for getting down, and then it just keeps going from there.

(Can you tell I’m having a downer today myself?) Anyways, it took me years to get to this point but, there’s days, like today, where I just feel like shit. I’m not sad, nothing in particular happened, I’m just meh. Empty. Low. Down. Etc. And that’s okay. Let yourself have those moments, as long as you can pull yourself out of them and acknowledge the feelings later, if that makes sense.

There’s no stopping the feelings. Best to let them happen.

For the record, I joined this site like ten minutes ago because I too just want to find someone that gets it, you know?

[marie260 in reply to bmbmom]

Yeah that’s why I wrote the post, I need to be honest to someone who can understand before I can be honest to all the people that might not. I actually had a pretty long talk with my dad after the replies, kinda a coincidence, and I was shocked to see that he thought I was feeling worse than I am... He heard me shuffling through my room late at night and closing my window and thought I would jump... It’s so confusing when everyone around you also has opinions of how and what you are. My parents are divorced and it has taken and is still taking a lot longer to show my mom that I’m not okay, whereas my dad thinks I am that low...

When you talk to people about all your anxious and depressed thoughts, do you ever feel the need to protect all people from them? Is it weird I feel like I should be the only one bothered with them?

A big thanks for replying, I’m very happy I could show my dad where I am. You all really gave me the confidence.

[Hidden in reply to marie260]

We all are here to listen, relate and talk because we’ve all got our stuff to try and deal. You’re never alone here, so continue to write 🙏

[itakenaps]

Hi. This community is really supportive. If you need to talk you can post at pretty much any time and someone will answer you since there are people from all over on here. So go ahead and use all the terms here, you wont upset anyone cause we are all struggling with the same thing. Idk what kind of therapist you go to but it’s weird that they would be unavailable. If you get to a dangerously low point a lot of people recommend going to the ER, they will take care of you and should help you get the right assistance. It does get better. Getting help is the first step on your way to healing. So don’t give up just yet.

[2manypets]

I'll try to be what you need. If it's too much, I'll let you know.

[melantha]

You can be completely honest with me and with just about anyone on this site when it comes to talking about depression, even suicide. That is why we are all here. I actually like to hear others talk openly about it because it makes me not feel so alone with it. I can relate to those feelings 100%.

I also feel like I can’t talk to anyone else about this though. My parents and a couple of my close friends have only ever heard the word “depression” and I have never gone into detail beyond that. They have no idea what kind of thoughts go through my head or that I am actually in a degree of danger. I cannot bare to tell them that. This is the one place I can be honest. You can tell us anything ❤️

[marie260 in reply to melantha]

With me it’s exactly the other way around, everyone know just how I am and when I go through another sad period, they go ‘oh but that’s just how she is’. But this is different and it’s really hard to show that.

I am so happy I found this community, maybe I can finally start accepting where I am and how to get better now.

In your daily life and group of friends there’s hardly anyone, or just one person that can really understand like all these people can, it’s amazing to find so much people.

I was really shocked about getting so much replies, thank you so much for reaching out to me. Maybe this new year won’t start all that sad after all

[Hidden]

U can message me

[Hidden]

Welcome Marie, you’re in the right place. No judgment here, we’re all here to help each other. Just reading the other posts move us in the right direction. Talk anytime, release your pentup feelings, actually feels good. Hugs 🤗