Bully Relative: I have a younger... - Anxiety and Depre...

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Bully Relative

I have a younger brother who is the family Bully. My siblings pretty much ignore him, I don't let him get away it. Christmas is at his house this year (he volunteered) so he's triing to control what we bring and can't,. His wife is only making stuffing??? He didn't like that I was making a pasta salad, which my other siblings liked. He said it wasn't a Christmas food. I said I was bringing it anyway. 2 of his kids have moved far far away, they've had to live with that their WHOLE LIFE. He's not going to change, ibit I'll be dammed if he keeps doing that to ME!!!

7 Replies
oldestnewest

Oh dear. I don't get though why you all agreed to have Christmas at his house if he is bully whether he volunteers or not? If I had a relation like that I wouldn't go near them any time of the year let alone Christmas! x

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Thanks for your reply, my siblings are like don't want to ruffle feathers kind. They don't like that I speak my mind, too BAD.... when we're together and he says things,.. they laugh it off. He tries to shame us about not seeing our mom by sending a video of her to us with him... with his remarks. He doesn't realize that our sister that she lives with has restrictions on when and what time we can see her??? He has the freedom to do it. Our working schedule don't fit hers. I think they went along with Christmas because no one else wanted it at their house. We have a very large family. 9 siblings 🙃🎄

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not ruffling feathers is why he stays that way because no one calls him on being a bully....sometimes tough love and boundaries will help them be more aware of their actions when people let them know his behavior is not acceptable. There is a time and a place for that though, and not at the Christmas dinner table for sure, but in private sometime might work.

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Yea, ill stay away from him and limit conversation if he tries to talk to me. He acts like a know it ALL, my other siblings are always very careful to Not step on toes, if they do it's followed with a slight giggle. I myself have no problem putting someone in check, I'd get them alone and be direct. 🎄

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We tend to feel bullied more by figures who have been in our life from childhood, that even when we grow up we feel that we can’t stand up to strangers but not to them; however my therapist once said a cheesy line but it struck me, he was like imagine if this person was a stranger from Japan ( a country I never been to) would you still care, would you not stand up for yourself? And I don’t know a click went on in my head and all I could think of is you are not as scary as how you seemed when we were kids, yes I can stand up to you

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Thanks for your reply, I agree, when we were Young we were very Close, my best friend. It seems that when he came out of the military is when I noticed the difference, and he served during peace time, many years ago. He's not going to change. We usually only see each other at Christmas.

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it's always the same BS with a lot of family's....I mean really who cares what anyone brings....it should be more about just getting together and hanging out...and bully's are just insecure jerks who are that way to try and avoid being outed for the cowards they really are..... don't go if it's going to be too much of a hassle or just buy a pie and show up, eat elsewhere or what ever.... I've never invited family over for dinner and expected them to bring the main course.

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