Getting Help: I haven't been on here in... - Anxiety and Depre...

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Getting Help

ColdJellyFish profile image
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I haven't been on here in a while, but here is a little update. Last Tuesday, I went to see a psychotherapist. She immediately recommended I go into a partial hospitalization program. I was very hesitant because I could not afford the program itself nor losing the work hours. My therapist made a very good point, though, that it is better for me to be alive to dig myself out of a financial hole than the alternative. I have done 2 days of the program and am doing good at taking my new meds every day. I just got a new one today that is a mood stabilizer. My psychiatrist said I may have a type of bipolar disorder where I feel both hypomania and depression at the same time. That is a little scary, but at the same time I am relieved that someone recognizes that it may be more than just depression and anxiety. Group therapy has been really hard because I am not comfortable to talk to anyone yet and my anxiety is so bad. I am hoping this gets better as time goes on. Concentration is another issue I have. During group, I can't focus on what the therapist is saying fully so I tend to fall asleep. I have sleep issues too but it is so embarrassing.

Life at home has been a little difficult. I feel like I am putting too much on my boyfriend. I feel like my mental health has taken over so much that he is left with everything like cleaning. Also, I have been less romantic with him because I am always thinking about this stuff and working so I am never in the mood. I don't mean to do it, but I do and I feel bad. He does so much for me and I don't want to be a burden. Another thing I am having trouble doing is balancing this program, work, and with life. I need the money, so I am working after the program, but the program is mentally exhausting and I have found going to work afterwards sucks. Two of the medications I have to take make me sleepy and I am not supposed to take them and drive. I don't get home from work until 11:30pm/12am so I take them late and it makes it so hard to wake up at 7am.

I so badly do not want to keep going to this program but that is just my anxiety talking. I know that I need it.

2 Replies
Agora1 profile image

ColdJellyFish, I am happy that you are getting the help you need at a partial hospital program. Years ago, I choose in patient which proved to be the best decision I had made.

I thought at first it was a place that I could escape my problems. Kind of like running away.

It didn't take long to realize that if I wanted to get better, it would take work. It was

exhausting. Anything in life worthwhile takes work.

I will agree with you in that balancing your program along with work and life itself can

feel overwhelming. As for your medication, most drugs can cause tiredness which can

interfere with holding down a job. Maybe your doctor can adjust the time you take your

meds or possible let you know if that drowsiness may go away after a while.

As difficult as this is, I do hope that you continue your program. Right now, short of in patient that is a second best choice. Good Luck to you. :) xx

ChicagoGirl1961 profile image

You're doing something that should pay great dividends Jelly. I know it has got to be incredibly difficult but it 's worth the effort. You should be commended for doing this when you don't feel entirely well and are tired. Please Persevere! You can do this. Praying for you!

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