I’m so alone. But I’m afraid of change. - Anxiety and Depre...

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I’m so alone. But I’m afraid of change.

Shutterbug65 profile image
20 Replies

First of all thank you for all the great responses I’ve received on my earlier postings. I often have a hard time responding to them all, but thank you everyone. I have no friends, nobody at all. I can’t motivate myself to do something that will help me. Now I’m stuck with horrible anxiety and depression. Constantly worried about what would happen to me if I needed someone to help me, who would I turn to? I don’t want to live this way anymore, but Im not doing anything positive about it. According to my phychiatrist I lack self motivation, Im always thinking negative and have low self esteem. When I was younger, I always needed someone to push me into doing things or else I would avoid them. Now Im older and I’m scared. I hate what I’ve done to my life.

20 Replies
Eowyn7 profile image

There's always time to start doing things differently. You just have to decide that something is worth a try.

For me it helped to take it in very small steps. Make a list of activities you wish you could be doing or your "ideal self" might do. Hiking, yoga, a book club, cooking, some other hobby... then if that feels like enough, stop.

Then another day do a little research online to see where/when you might be able to do those activities. Keep a list of web pages/businesses that seem interesting. Then, if that feels like enough to tackle for one day, stop.

Finally pick a day on the calendar and say "on this day i will go to X place to check it out" or "on this day i will sign up for this activity". Give yourself a week or two so you can mentally prepare to make it a priority. Then when the day comes, do it. Follow through. If it doesn't work out, you don't like the people or the activity, that's ok. I guarantee you will feel like you accomplished something just by trying.

Shutterbug65 profile image
Shutterbug65 in reply to Eowyn7

Thank you for the great advice. I do need to change the direction of my life. It’s not heading in towards a good place. I’ve always been afraid of change. I’m stuck and been so for many years.

Shutterbug65 profile image
Shutterbug65 in reply to Eowyn7

Also I might ad photography is my passion. Especially street/urban photography. I go to NYC often and even though I’m alone I don’t feel alone. I see lots of lonely people in the city that’s for sure. And I’m happiest when I’m taking pictures, I forget my troubles just for a little while.

Eowyn7 profile image
Eowyn7 in reply to Shutterbug65

That's great that you already have a hobby!! That makes it so much easier when you have a place to start.

I wonder if there are any photography classes or workshops in your area where you could hone your skills and talk to other photographers?

guynfl2chat profile image

Hi Shutterbug!

You are not alone. Send me a message if you would like to chat. Somedays I feel that way too.. I call it being disconnected from the world. You just have to connect back in...

Shutterbug65 profile image
Shutterbug65 in reply to guynfl2chat

I feel like I’m the only one who is so alone. My phychiatrist gives me advise but I don’t follow up on it. Like going to a self help group or some kind of group therapy. I’m so self conscious and insecure that unless I have someone push me I don’t do it. I wish I was stronger.

Shutterbug65 profile image
Shutterbug65 in reply to guynfl2chat

Thank you. I’m stuck in this cycle of negative thoughts and worry, especially in the mornings.

Jdavid2000 profile image

You might as well be describing me :) Sometimes I think about what would happen if I died right now...would there even be 10 people at my funeral? My entire support network was my wife's family and when she split, I lost all of them too. So I know your loneliness well. It's terrible and I'm sorry. And I have the same lack of motivation...I was reading a book by the guy who supposedly was the father of behavioral cognition therapy, and he's got a whole chapter with exercises to do to get over this "do-nothingness", but I still haven't done it because how do I get over that feeling to actually do those exercises :)

I wish I had a tip for you to get motivated, but at least know you're not alone. I don't know how to want to do something either.

Shutterbug65 profile image
Shutterbug65 in reply to Jdavid2000

Yep. That perfectly describes me. Most of my life I had someone I could turn to. Now I have no one. If something were to happen to me who would I turn to? I’m so scared of living my life this way. I listen to the advice I’m given but I don’t follow up on it. I’m often ashamed to see my phychiatrist because nothing ever changes. I never follow through with the advice she gives me. Like you said, "the do nothingness ". She tells me "no one is going to come to your door to help you". I need to make the first step, but I always have some kind of excuse, and fall back to doing nothing. I never make any plans, I just kind of drift along. And I’ve been this way my whole life.

I hate my life, I’m tired of being alone, and I’m scared of what will become of me. I live alone and have no friends except for those I work with. But they have their own lives.

I’m tired man, but thank you for taking the time to write.

Woodhouse16 profile image
Woodhouse16 in reply to Shutterbug65

I'm just like you believe me and know what I should be doing to help myself but actually physically doing it is a whole different thing. We know we are the only ones to change things but if you are like me to actually physically do that is beyond me and out of my comfort zone! I won't go anywhere or do anything on my own that I'm not sure of which has held me back terribly all through my life. So yes for professionals people ect to say you need to do this yout need to do that is like I want to say well don't your think I know that but to actually physically do it is an entirely dinferential thing!!.. I too hate being like it but just go along blagging my way through life as I put it!.. I know exactly what you mean...

Florida1959 profile image

Always time to change fir me I take each hour as it comes , baby steps, walks, books, music, and I tell myself that was a good hour, can I make the next one better, x last week I went to the cinema on my own, it was good, let me know how you get on, even making a coffee, say to yourself, that was a great cup of coffee , x

Hi shutterbug...

Maybe it’s group situations that put you off...I know it does me ..I just dread anything with groups of people, I struggle with social anxiety.

Maybe you could try a befriending service to start or something on a one on one basis..any telephone befriending services as a start, speaking to someone on the phone occasionally would be a start, small steps can lead to bigger things..x

Shutterbug65 profile image
Shutterbug65 in reply to

Thank you it sounds great. But what’s a befriending service? I would be interested to break this cycle just a little bit.

in reply to Shutterbug65


We call the service befriending here in U.K. , usually you would have someth8ng similar in USA , perhaps your therapist would know...it’s a service whereby volunteers speak to each other on the telephone by arrangement on a regular basis, so obviously it’s one to one, or it can also be one on one to meet for coffee or a walk ...

I suggest it as I know it’s just too difficult for me to do group Situations whereas one to one I’m ok...the local volunteer bureaux in my area of the U.K. have a service such as this and I regularly meet a young lady for coffee and a chat...there are financial cut back so we don’t have as many of these services now but there are still some...I’m sure there would be something similar in your area....

Let me know how you get on if you get chance..

Good wishes x

Shutterbug65 profile image
Shutterbug65 in reply to

Thanks for the great tip. I don’t know if we have something like that here. Olivia, I just wish I was stronger and not give in to my fears and insecurities. I’ve gotten some great advice but I’m afraid to act on it. I don’t know why I’m like this, or when things went so wrong for me. And I don’t know how much longer I can take being alone.

Thank you Olivia for your caring advice.

in reply to Shutterbug65

Yes making the move is difficult, but I know once I got to a certain point I New I had to, or the alternative wasn’t good....

I think we will when we really want it sooo badly...I hope you find the courage to make some small steps, which can lead to bigger things....

Good wishes xx

sana__leo profile image

Do some job. It will keep u busy

froggymom88 profile image

You can change these negative feelings and thoughts. Write down some positive statements and say them to yourself often. Remember you are a one of a kind, special creation. You have things to offer others. Keep working with your psychiatrist. You are in my prayers.

Agora1 profile image

Hi Shutterbug65, You've got such a talent in photography. You don't have to loose that passion by making some changes in your life. Change is one of the most difficult thing in people with anxiety. We want structure, we want guarantees but life isn't like that as well as it suffocates us into exploring and living fully.

Believing in yourself is the first step. Believing that you are worthy to pursue any new avenue that you want and desire. There are 2 videos on YouTube that you might enjoy

watching. "How to Build Self Confidence" by Michelle Phan

as well as "Love Yourself (Self Confidence Exercise)" by the Honest Guys

Good Luck in following your dream. :) xx

Woodhouse16 profile image

I know that very feeling all too well. Low self esteem has a knock on effect with virtually everything in my life and been like it from a child also having deep anxiety/depression and panic attacks too as early as the age of 4. I am now 64 and in later years as society has recognised these things more I've tried various treatments ect that are available nowadays but nothing has seemed to help. I have family but children all grown up with children of their own and hectic busy lives so with also not having any friends and living alone can get very lonely but at the same time because of low self esteem anxiety ect I also lack motivation and don't see a purpose to life for me. Had to give up work through ill health too so life seems very pointless at times so know exactly what you mean . You are in my thoughts.

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