I'm a mess....

[rbaker458]

I'm a mess.. 41 yrs old.. been struggling with depression and anxiety since 10 yrs old, probably younger.. unmedicated.. I know I need to see a doctor, I just don't know how to begin telling my story.. I've been a daily crystal meth user for 17 yrs, and if meth isn't available, it'll be something else (anything for a head change). I feel sort of ridiculous posting anything, because I know I NEED TO SEE A DOCTOR.. I have so many regrets, and desperately want to tell my story, though I don't know how to begin.. not to mention, I have so much trouble focusing (on anything), as well as just figuring out normal, everyday words to use to explain myself.. I guess I would attribute that to the drug use.. I'm just approaching the end of my rope, I guess...

[kittenkisses91]

I know drug use can help with depression and anxiety. My stepbrother has suffered with depression and has been self medicating with pot, cocaine, opiates, etc... since he was a teenager. When he has been to a doctor and has been in therapy and has been on antidepressants it has helped him sooo much! The antidepressants really helped him stop using illegal drugs and get his life together. I would suggest maybe trying to go to an urgent care facility. They might be able to recommend a doctor for you to see and you won’t need an appointment to go to urgent care so there’s not as much hassle in going. I hope everything gets better for you soon! Depression and anxiety are so hard.

[rbaker458 in reply to kittenkisses91]

Yes they are!! Thank u so much for ur reply.. it means so much.. it means someone is listening!!

[Fishmonster]

I am here to listen anytime and that is what we are all here to do we just take the pressure off so you can vent and try to put some order to your head

Try writing things down as they come to your head positive things negative things things you want to work on etc.

[Stilltrying_]

Well done for recognising that you need help and are willing to change. I agree with the other poster snbreen91. It is not going to be straightforward coming off this level of street drug use and if it is available it sounds like an urgent care facility or some kind of detox inpatient facility would be a good idea. Do you think there is any chance you may be suffering with post traumatic stress disorder? Just suggesting this as abuse can cause this disorder and quite often leads to self medication in an attempt to control the symptoms.

I think it's a great first step of you to post on here and I do hope the help is available for you out there as this could be the good turning point of your life.

Gemmalouise

[rbaker458 in reply to Stilltrying_]

I think u might very well have hit the nail on the head, so to speak.. I've wondered about PTSD.. I was molested by everybody and their brother from the age of maybe 3 or 4.. my earliest memory is horrendous, and I've noticed that I can't remember huge chunks of my life..

[Stilltrying_ in reply to rbaker458]

As I said you have made a really good start with your post. There is also a PTSD community on healthunlocked. I think you may find it useful to know there are fellow sufferers and to read some of the posts on there also x

[hypercat54 in reply to rbaker458]

I think it is entirely possible you are suffering from Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. The word Complex means many instances of the stress over years. It would be surprising if you hadn't found some way of blocking the painful memories and emotions out, and if it hadn't been with meth it might have been another very common way with alcohol.

I agree with the others about seeing a doctor as I think meds and/or counselling could help you. In the meantime though you need to tackle the addiction and to get off the meths. It's not going to be easy but then nothing worthwhile ever is. x

[Kittykat2]

Youve made a start writing here and wrote it well.

Keep writing here people care.

Maybe then you will have the courage to go seek help.

Take care X

[rbaker458 in reply to Kittykat2]

Thank u so much.. Baby steps, right?

[MariaLove123]

You’re speaking to a fellow addict. Are you still using? I suffered since I was young too. 36 now. But I got into pills around my mid 20’s. I’ve been sober for a few years now. It’s important at first to go to meetings and maybe do an outpatient therapy? That helped me tremendously. You should see a therapist. Having all that guilt and regret is really weighing on you. The past is the past. Talking to someone, can help you forgive yourself. Look toward the future and now. Xx

[rbaker458 in reply to MariaLove123]

Yes.. still using.. what sucks is I've been living in the city that I've been living in for 17 yrs, and I don't know one person that doesn't get high.. and as far as family is concerned, I come from a rather sort of cold and disconnected one.. so no support system to speak of.. can't help but to feel very alone..

[MariaLove123]

Well that makes sense. You’re still using and that’s going to mess with you emotionally and physically. You need to do inpatient or go to a hospital and stay 7 days to get sober. They’ll help you get on suboxine so you don’t withdraw. Withdrawing on your own is worse than any kind of flue. It was awful! Go to rehab. Go to meetings. Your biggest goal is your sobriety. You cannot keep going this way!

[SuZQ154]

Glad you are posting! We understand and are here for you. There is hope. I had an addiction for 17 years before I ever sought help. Through support groups like AA and Celebrate Recovery, along with Christian counseling, and continued work on staying in recovery, I have lead a relatively NORMAL life. Staying connected with sites like these and continued perseverance, faith, God's grace, and being honest with family and friends, I have stayed "sober" USUALLY for the last 30 years. I have had a few periods of relapse, but never with the intensity or length of my initial addiction. Please keep posting and reaching out to others.

[Tanyamaree1971]

Hey chicky it sounds like you got add chicky, ice use well we know what's in it but we still take it..Are you going to get off it or still taking it..I'm not judging as I use myself. Go see a drug withdrawal special ist.. good luck chicky I'll follow keep in touch

[lutenashley]

I'm 45 so we are close in age!