Well, here goes nothing...: I have a... - Anxiety and Depre...

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Well, here goes nothing...

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I have a tendency to keep all my problems and struggles to myself while appearing at least half way put together so I decided to just go ahead and try something new.

This past year, while I still haven't been able to hold down a job, I have lost 60 lbs, quit drinking heavily, am up to 8 mile runs and gained a tremendous amount of self confidence and self worth of which I had very little of a few years ago....

However, I have been living with my mother who treated me like garbage, then locked me up in a cult for two years where I literally had less rights then a deathrow inmate and didn't see the sun for more than a year. The stronger I have become, the more she randomly threatens to kick me out to maintain control over me and I finally had it one night and called the cops about the child abuse... And they promptly Baker acted me. Oh joy.

It turned out to be good for me, I'm on effective meds and have learned effective coping skills but then about 3 days ago I found out something that hit me like a ton of bricks so to speak. Combine that with unearthing very old but still deep wounds and I have slipped back a bit.

I have been drinking the past four days, haven't been going on my runs and feel like my life is just changing way too rapidly to keep up.

The worst is over and I reached out for support during that period but joining this group is part of my next step forward.

Frankly I have been trying to ignore not only my strong social anxiety but my undiagnosed PTSD from said cult for the past ten years and I can't seem to get any farther on my own. All in all things are manageable and I am hopeful but I need to start utilizing the tools I have learned and you guys seem pretty safe to talk to so there it is.

Thanks for reading and anything in terms of support would be great. Just knowing people know and give a flying Frank is incredibly helpful and appreciated.

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7 Replies
kuzuri-love profile image
kuzuri-love

I’m so sorry to hear you going through all of that. It sounds awful but you made the necessary changes you needed to and that’s great! You recognize where the problem is and that’s very important. I’m so happy for you for gaining your confidence back and making all that progress. I’m a little jealous haha. You should be proud of yourself for doing that and always tell yourself that so you can get back on track. Don’t stop now because it will help you more than ever right now. Have you ever tried therapy? That could be really helpful especially with the PTSD. But if that’s not your style and need someone to talk to on hear my ears are always open! I hope things turn out for the better for you!

in reply to kuzuri-love

Thanks for the encouragement. Therapy is something I have avoided mainly because where I was locked up played itself off as therapy and treatment... That being said, I have an appointment for the end of the month to find a therapist to get started. I'm finally strong enough to take the best and leave the rest so to speak. Again, it means a lot that other people hear my story and empathize. Gives me more encouragement to help others in return.

kuzuri-love profile image
kuzuri-love in reply to

I hope it goes well and you find the right therapist! Keep us updated😊

pink318 profile image
pink318

Hi Chris,

Welcome to the forum. I’m happy to hear that you are making a progress. Sorry that you have been through a lot but it’s encouraging that you did not give up.

I hope therapy will be helpful especially in coping with PTSD, I will be praying for you. Please keep us informed. We are here for you, so please feel free to post. Take care.

in reply to pink318

I will do that. Thanks

aaronm profile image
aaronm

Thank you for opening up to us Chris. I'm glad you trust us that much here. You can message me anytime you want to talk.

Believe it or not we all have relapses. Its a part of recovery. When you pull out ahead it becomes a great learning experience and empowering that we can be successful again. Don't look back and beat yourself up from it. Learn from it and look forward.

in reply to aaronm

Thanks brother. As bad as this month has been, I can see a light at the end of this particular dark tunnel.

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