Honestly the only thing I’m thinking right now is “wtf an I doing ANYTHING for if wt literally any moment I can just be gone?” I post about this concept a lot but it REALLY interferes with my life. It digs me deeper in my depression. At random moments I’ll literally be like “I can die right now”. It scares me and it consumes me and I started to not do anything in my life because...for what? Because “Enjoy life while you have it” right? How can I do that if I don’t know when I won’t have it. I can’t ignore it. And it’s so odd to me because I only started obsessing over it the last 3 years or so. So at one point it wasn’t a prominent thought in my mind. I am on a spiritual awakening and am seeing things for exactly what they are now and I know that’s adding a factor as well. I usually hate talking about my awakening because I can see how it sounds so weird but it really has changed my whole behavior and how I act and how I interpret things and it’s just the freakiest experience. Thanks for reading. hope it made sense.
Thinking about death so much i can’t ... - Anxiety and Depre...
Sounds like a subset of OCD, Suicidal OCD/Existential OCD. Do these thoughts make you feel anxious? I have this type of OCD and before treatment my compulsion was to go figure it out, and google the topic of the meaning of life, and mentally check if I was depressed/suicidal. And it is a horrible feeling causing major anxiety. If you have a therapist, ask them about this.
I searched for an anxiety specialist in my area, because of the major anxiety these thoughts caused me. She uses cognitive behavioral therapy( cbt) and exposure and response prevention (erp). She diagnosed me with OCD once I told her I couldn’t get these scary thoughts and images out of my head. I was obsessed, and still when I am under a lot of stress I m still bombarded with wierd thoughts, but I have the tools now to cope. A thought is just a thought.
Awakenings can be good. Of course it’s associated with change, which not a lot of people like who have mental illness. It’s uncomfortable. And now the season is changing and anxiety is everywhere! People I know who don’t have mental illness and never have anxiety, are even experiencing it. Being afraid of dying is common but that’s a reason to live life to the fullest. Go on trips, go on adventures and do fun things! Let the fear of death lead you to living happy and grateful 💜
I’ve also had a spiritual awakening and have been going through the reality of certain death. It has definitely shaken me to the core and cause me great stress, anxiety and depression. I have been going through a state of mourning that those I love are only here for a limited time. Some days I have felt sick to my stomach. I also suffer from deep codependency issues. I have been an addict to various things over the years so I never faced reality until the past year or so. Since then I have had constant revelations about life, many causing great pain. I am however learning to integrate truth, both good and bad. All I can say is that my God has provided strength and guidance through this process. It’s far from over but today I have a sense of comfort that I didn’t have even yesterday. It’s a blessing.
You aren't alone. I realized at about 5 what death was, and that I couldn't do anything about it. I remember all the details. I can tell you if you know Jesus Christ and get to Him personally through His Word, there is a peace that is there, but it's different. I still deal with the fear of death. I don't try to obsessively think about it, but the way I suffer with anxiety, those thoughts go through my mind on a regular basis. When I am feeling the intensity of anxiety and my body is going bonkers, it becomes evident. I'm not afraid of after I die, but I just don't like to think about how, and so on. I have been afraid of it for most of my life. I'm almost 50. When the thoughts come through my mind, I give the situation to Him. I may or may not feel relief, but I trust Him. There is a purpose for you and I, and everyone here. If it takes being led to a forum like this to share just how much God loves you (and I know people are thinking - if He loves me, why am I going through this? - I think that myself, but I know His plans are greater and just because I don't see the purpose doesn't mean there isn't one). If you or any reader wants to know who God is, or have someone to pray with you, I would be happy to.