This is my first time posting. I am in a very very deep dark place right now. I am very sensitive and to be completely honest i am freaking scared of single minute that my eyes are opened. I just got fired from my job yesterday for what they call "blowing a head gasket". I am not sure why i have this explosion/outburst but i do know i can feel them coming.....my bp goes up, i start shaking and then it is kind of like i just blackout. I say mean hateful things to whoever it was that was "attacking". I will give it my all to emotionally hurt this person. And when i come down i have feelings of guilt and then depression comes in. I don't understand why these are happening and if anyone else has ever experienced this before. I do know that what i say to these people i truly don't mean. Anyway it cost me my job. I feel my PTSD won and i lost. I did however got myself back into see a therapist this past week. If anyone can help me better understand that the heck is wrong with me i would grateful for any feedback.
In a dark place: This is my first time... - Anxiety and Depre...
In a dark place
I’m no professional but welcome on here,good you’ve reached out Lots of good people on here ,we’ve all got issues we are working through .
Thank you. I just need people who understand mental illness and not judge me. I cry all of the time however every tear that falls i know is one step to me getting better. I am just sick right now....i have recovered before and i will again. Thanks. This website is a true blessing cause right now i have nobody who understands me.
Your welcome and you will get over this latest blowout and calm your mind down and start thinking straight,I was the same but I’m on lyrica pregabalin now 300 mg x2 daily and they keep me from blowing a gasket and getting in a right tizzy.
Thanks. I am going to a MD in a week and hopefully they can start me on something. I am recovering drug addict so i have to be careful of my choices with pills. And this past explosion i allowed myself to relapse.
I was on methadone too for 20 years but 6 years clean of opiates I’ve tried citalopram,sertraline, but pregabalin works best for me and not addictive as such ,good luck ✌🏼
Right on. Thanks for chatting with me.
Your welcome lots of nice people on here ✌🏼🦋🕊🎸🎼🧘🏻♂️🙂peace love and positivity ...
Welcome friend!!! Ppl are beyond cool, helpful and caring on this site!! You'll get great advice on here too. I had where I would blow a gasket while at work too. To many to count. I'd get into physical fights, yelling matches and all. I'm not sure if it was caused by my addictions or from the bipolar2. Soon as I got on bipolar2 meds I stopped my outburts, yelling, screaming and hitting walls. Talk about totally insane lol. I'm completely embarrassed mentioning all this,but oh well I guess. Anyhoo, I hope your MD helps you to get the help you need! Have a great day!!! ✌
Yes i understand the embarassing part...i too get embarrassed. I have been known to physically challenge men when i blow a head gasket. It was a joke at work. Insane right? But at the time i thought i would win. However this episodes are affecting my life and now have cost me my job. I looked at supervisor and said something to him yesterday that gave him no choice but to walk out to my car. Now i don't legally if that was right cause my job is aware of my mental illness so i don't know if it was fair to me to torment me until i blew head gasket and then walk me out. I feel let down by employer. Anyhoo.....i understand that surely was tired of outburst. What a mess..... right? But thank you cause i was starting to feel like i was the only one who has behaved like this.
Lol no your so not alone!!! Lol. I'm just laughing at the similarities. I felt all alone my whole life! When doing CNA job I got hit in the back hard from some young guy and I freaking lost it. I hit him back, walked down the hall yelling at the top of my lungs what a shithole I work in. Blah blah blah. I was so humiliated! I could not believe what I did. That's not normal. I thought I'm a freaking freak😨😱 Mind you, I was drinking and smoking crack right before I showed up most days! Talk about crazy beyond belief!! I used to blow up all the time before taking bipolar2 meds. Not like that anymore thank God. I hate to admit this but I beat on every guy I've ever dated. Seriously messed up! That was strictly from the alcoholism tho. I was a violent drunk obviously right! Like you said I'm not sure its legal to fire someone for having an episode if they know its a mental illness. Good question. Your not alone as you can tell. My outbursts might have been only cause of drugs and alcohol not sure! Now sober 7 years I'm super nice, non violent and opposite of what I used to be.
I am glad to hear there is hope. That's makes believe i can and will get better.
I guess. Life is not great atm. For you there's lots of hope!!! I probably freaked you out. Sorry but that's in the past even tho I feel humiliated by my talking about my life!!!😱 Enjoy your evening😄
Hello and welcome x I hope you’re able to find some peace through talking to other people on here with similar issues as you xx thank you so much for sharing your deepest thoughts with us x 💕
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