Feeling little

[Lilo_and_Stitch]

I have never had a good relationship with my mother. No matter how hard I try. Many of my doctors say stop trying, but my dad asks me to be nice so for him I try. I’ve been away for a year. Been back for two days and she has me feeling the way for why I ran away from her. If my physical health was ok where I had been I would’ve stayed, but I had to move back. I still have no job. So a light at the end of the tunnel to be away is not in site. I don’t understand why i came back to live near someone who has made my life painful. How do I keep pushing forward right now..

[jkl5500]

You only have control over your own behavior. If you tried to "make nice" with your mother and it didn't work, then that's on her, not you. Since you recently graduated from school, your next task is to get ready for some interviews.

[seekingSunshine]

Hi, this sounds like an enabling situation. Sorry you are stuck between parents. do you have any other relatives or friends you can get some positive support from?

[Lilo_and_Stitch in reply to seekingSunshine]

My brothers try too but it’s hard on them since my mother treats them very differently. My grandma was always helpful but she isn’t doing well anymore and I don’t want to bother her with my troubles. Besides that I’ve always felt alone. It’s been hard to push through.

[jkl5500]

I'd like to add a few things. First, I misread your post. Right now, it looks like you're living with your mother, with whom you don't get along. I don't know if you are able to tolerate this arrangement for awhile, but if you can ,going to job interviews would be the first step forward. With your own job, you can move into your own place eventually.

[Lilo_and_Stitch in reply to jkl5500]

Last night I thought I replied but I do not see it this morning. Thank you for the help

[Malumaf]

I understand that as I don’t have a good relationship with my mother, it always seems like we take a step forward and then two steps back, it’s hard especially when your living situation is so bad, my therapist always recommends to try and get away whether it be just sleeping on a friends couch for a night or two, and as for getting out of the house until you are able to find a job, maybe try volunteering? I find it truly helps me feel so good, whether be at a church or boys and girls club, I highly recommend your local shelter, I guarantee they’re always looking for someone to walk the dogs and play with the dogs, that’d be so rewarding and so fun and I think it’d bring you a lot of joy

[Malumaf in reply to Malumaf]

Also if you ever need someone to talk to who gets it about your mom I’m here for you

[Lilo_and_Stitch in reply to Malumaf]

That is a good idea. I will try that. I’m sorry you’re the same with your mother. It’s hard when I see all these mothers getting along with their daughters.

[Malumaf in reply to Lilo_and_Stitch]

It is, but honestly I have also found love from a friends parents who think of me as their own and just support me through everything, I think that your chosen family can be a very powerful support system and it’s surprisingly easy to find them cuz they’re already there for you

[hypercat54]

Omg! If I had had to live with my mother for more than 5 minutes we would have murdered each other! I emphasise but the only answer if you have to be there is to keep looking for jobs so you can save up and move out. Try and keep yourself emotionally detached from her as much as you can and let her behaviour wash over you.

Remember it won't be forever. x

[Lilo_and_Stitch in reply to hypercat54]

Thank you! It’s so nice to hear I’m not the only person who struggles with their mother

[hypercat54 in reply to Lilo_and_Stitch]

Well was in my case as she died some 5 years ago now. She was 90 though. x

[Lilo_and_Stitch in reply to hypercat54]

Oh I’m sorry to hear that. If my mom lives like the others in her family i have 30-40 years left of her

[hypercat54 in reply to Lilo_and_Stitch]

Oh dear... x

[Lilo_and_Stitch in reply to hypercat54]

I know! Plus she wants to end up living in a little house on the property if one of us kids when she gets old. So I plan to not have property sadly. I don’t want to be that option.

[Hidden]

I can relate. My mother and I have always been at opposite ends of everything. I tell myself that she isn't happy and that it feels better for her to try to bring others down with her. Why she does this, i dont know. But i am not going to let her win. And you can tell yourself the same. Your in control of your own thoughts no matter what anyone says. Let it bounce off. Maybe if she sees that it isnt affecting you anymore, it will cease. I know it hurts deeply. It hurts me too. Please keep your head up. Happy thoughts from me to you!

[Lilo_and_Stitch in reply to Hidden]

I have tried the not letting her see it doesn’t bother me, but that has seemed to make her try harder to be rude. I just don’t understand why some parents are this way.. when I was a teenager I remember thinking once I’m adult it’ll be better. It feels like it’s gotten worse, but the good thing is if she tries to hit me I now stand up and call her out on that and she stops that.

[froggymom88]

I'm sorry about the difficult situation you find yourself in. I agree with a previous poster about spending time away from the house when you can. Also, try to have your time in the house structured so you can keep busy and have little time to interact with her. Try to keep in mind that this is a temporary arrangement and that your mom has some issues that you might not be able to resolve. My mother was a difficult person to be around for any length of time. When I went home from work, I would remind myself not to let what she said or did under my skin. I often prayed for her and for myself to be able to forgive her.I kept reminding myself that she was an unhappy person with problems that weren't my fault. It didn't make things perfect, but it did help some. Keep working toward your goals. You will get there.

[Lilo_and_Stitch in reply to froggymom88]

Thank you! I will keep pushing forward