but I’m not new to anxiety and depression. In fact, I’ve been fighting the difficult war against them my whole life. Here’s my story...
I don’t remember my early childhood being all that bad. I actually have some fond memories before my adolescence began. But around the time puberty hit was when things went downhill pretty quickly. My mother began displaying crippling depression a little while before and then all the while after she had to have a hysterectomy. She was useless in caring for my brother and I, being bedridden and just crying most days. We had to support her emotionally, but being children we were ill equipped and tried to check out of it as much as we could. I was naive and didn’t know it at the time, but my father was a raging alcoholic (apparently most of my life). I endured many years of verbal and psychological abuse from him, until I moved in with my boyfriend (now husband) at the age of 18. My mother had left 2 years prior as she could no longer handle the physical and mental abuse my father had taken out on her.
My husband and I married in 2010 and he’s been my rock through all of this, I don’t know what I would do without him. My father quit drinking and turned his life around shortly before we married, and he and my mother even remarried after years of separation. Although I’ve mended my relationship with my father, I don’t think my mother will ever be who I want her to be for me. She’s been diagnosed with anxiety, depression, PTSD, and DID and is incapable of working (as is my father, but that’s due to a physical injury). I think both of my parents try really hard to be better people these days, but my childhood scars have had lasting effects that I find quite difficult to heal from.
I’ve been on and off of antidepressants over the years, and I’m currently seeing my therapist regularly, but I feel so psychologically weak. I was doing fine for several years actually until June of this year, when the PA at my doctor’s office prescribed a second antidepressant because I was having severe anxiety and insomnia after feeling forced into a management position at my company where I was suddenly training and supervising a new hire (who happens to already be one of my closest friends). Within hours of taking the two SSRIs (Fluoxetine and Trazodone), I developed serotonin syndrome and had to be rushed to the hospital where the doctors there ended up baker acting me. I don’t remember all of it, but I was apparently so delusional and erratic from the drug interaction that they deemed it necessary to baker act me for safety. The parts I do remember are terrifying. I thought everyone there was trying to kill me. I eventually came down from the paranoid hysteria the drugs had induced and was sent home, but since then my life has not been the same. I’m terrified to ever take an antidepressant again, yet I can’t seem to get my anxiety and depression under control ever since they cut me off of Fluoxetine.
I’m trying to take solace in the fact that I’ve gone through all of these things and survived, with loved ones supporting me along the way, but each day I wake up I just feel... sad.
I will look into finding a good brand to try. Ahh and yes, sometimes I forget how helpful just being in nature can be. Blessings to you as well!
I’m new here...with anxiety and a constant fear of dying.
I’m new here, and trying to get back to normal
I’m new..please help 
Hi I’m new- looking for advice
I’m new here, seeking support for my struggles with depression and anxiety.
