Updating : It's been awhile since the... - Anxiety and Depre...

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vanessi
vanessi

It's been awhile since the last post. I thought it was a good idea to take some time for myself and share time with family and friends and actually was.

If you can see me it seems I'm recovered but deep inside I'm the same miserable girl. I try to hide my pain to people cos I got to the point everybody was tired of the same story. I never believed I was gonna struggle so hard still do it!! On Wednesday is my birthday, I'm turning 24, I feel I'm getting old enough to make decision and make a life. If you still doubt it I still love like the first day to my ex. That feeling will never change but I need to learn how to live without him.

I've been trying to block the thoughts of the past that made me the happiest woman alive. I'm never gonna be the same girl of the last spring nor last summer. Almost a year ago I flew to Ireland to be with my love.

It is true that happiness lasts very little. Mine was so fast that I couldn't keep it!

Anyway, I've been reading so many books lately so I can get myself distracted of the misery of my life. People here think I'm happy and my life is amazing, but it isn't at all.

I'm so selfish that I don't want to share my life with anyone cos unfortunately there is the love of my life out there at the other side of the world having a good life without me! I'm dead since last December.

I have some plans next year I hope I can get everything ready till then. I hope everybody is having a good Sunday, personally I hate Sundays

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Hi vanessi it's me smelly again, hope your feeling well today. I really do know how you feel as I'm going through the same over and over again. People are tired of my sad stories that they don't want to be around me so I put up a fake smile around them now, even my own family are tired of me. I still cry every night in dark silence. 5 years have past by and I still believe in love but life has past me by and I have many other problems that no one wants to be with a broken man like me. I want to die every morning but I keep pushing forward because I have a 7 year old daughter that loves me and that is the only reason I live. I don't like Sunday's because that is the day she goes back with the ex and I live in depression for 2 weeks till my little one comes back and I can smile for real. What I'm trying to say is don't look back and don't let life pass you by because it will. Keep pushing forward and I hope that fake smile becomes real one day.

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