I think it has sunk in finally. I have no merit or worth in this world. I cannot find anyone who does not despise me or reject me in my plight. I am penniless and about to be divorced by my normal husband. My two sons depend on me. Recently, he was able to convince med to kill myself. I ODed but was resuscitated. My husband was very angry about that and had filed for divorce for my sons and my own good. HE is a mild and meek, long suffering, all-around good fellow burdened wrongfully by us. HE has money and a lawyer. Still living here and hating but in two weeks he wins all. The lawyer I found, yelled at me as I am poor. I cannot talk or write to his staff or him because of that. I recently reached out to them as I know nothing. They quoted my husband on everything and told me that we are getting no help, no money and no home. My sons are both Special Needs. They demanded I prove it but that both needed to work. I have not been out of the hell called the home in 30 years. I am being rejected for work placement due to the debt that has been incurred in my name to cause me suffering by my husband. The workforce needs to psychologically test me before they can help. We are out of time. 211 told me to destroy our home life, get rid of the animals...I can go to a week shelter but the boys, being male, need to go elsewhere, No help...my husband is extremely jolly. He is doing this for everyone's good. He has a great salary and will be free of us, whom he has avowed that he hates. My one friend blew me off. It seems that he only wanted a place to stay. My therapist basically told me he wished he could help and bye. Crisis hotline, after one moment, dismissed me and took another call. I called later. I was disconnected. So, I called back. What an idiot! It seems it was intential. No where to go, no money and worthless.
Disconnected and again dismissed by t... - Anxiety and Depre...
Well...I am very sorry your obviously at the bottom here.....and it's not for lack of trying to get solutions. It certainly sounds like absolutely everyone has given up on you. The only thing I can suggest about the therapist is to get one that understands your needs. The lawyer sounds unethical and dismissive....which is very unprofessional. Are you using legal aid? And why isn't your husband making arrangements to take care of his sons....I don't see how any court would not give the wife at least 50% and attach his wages for yours and your children's care...I've never heard of this happening. If your not getting proper representation.....then let the judge know. Write a letter about how you have been miss-represented around your wants and needs. Find another hotline ...NAMA....there are tons of them....your sharing here so that's helpful....but you have to pull what ever you have left in you together....now......and the heck with all the closed doors...open some new ones. Don't give up....and make sure your not the one closing the doors out of frustration and feeling defeated....I do that sometimes because I don't feel I deserve to be happy.....but I do...and so do you....so fight...be a warrior ...be your own advocate...no one can do this for you...you have to do it for you.
Who would one write a letter to? I do not know. He is giving me the house but he took money from it. I owe more now than we did at the beginning. My husband does not like, and has critically harmed my sons. He hates the animals, as well. Yes, I wish I were different and so much more positive and stronger. I know I need to do this but I am stymied as to how. I am sadly, severely depressed. All my medication were cut dramatically (or removed sharply, in one week.) I will not be able to go back to my psychiatrist next month. There is the state mental health. I do not know when I can see them and if they will keep me on the medications I am on. I do believe I have tested my therapist and found him lacking. He started out as a real person, but now...
Where can we even get seen by mental health without an out if pocket price?
By the way, you are right. I am attempting to fight the depressive state I am in. I have not slept more than 2 hours, broken, a night, for a very long time. I am hungry been when I attempt to eat I find I cannot. I also have been choking for no reason. I have fallen from this society. I do not want us to be homeless. I have some help, I hope, in finding work but I am so very exhausted, physically and mentally handicapped, and I cannot keep things stable.
you write a letter to the judge handling the divorce.....explain you would be destitute and left penniless and are still caring for his sons which he abused. Hopefully you have some proof of that, if not...get your sons to write a letter stating the conditions they have been subjected to....again addressing it to the court...Look....I am currently going through this myself with the divorce proceedings...what I am telling you to do is what our attorney told us to do....get your letters witnessed by a notary public...they are at every postal mail box or find one on line. I know your depressed, even without this disease, it's distressing....and there are certain things you can't do...like trash talk your husband to the court, it turns them off and they don't want to hear it...but the financial situation and that you need money to support his kids.....they will listen to.
Thanks for the note! I was not sure of what I would write. You really helped give me some ideas...now to find the judge.
the judge is the one handling your divorce case. Your solicitor or the courts would have that information.
I’m a divorce lawyer. What you are describing sounds very off and unprofessional. In many states the person who makes more money may have to pay for the other persons attorneys fees as well as spousal support or alimony. You can usually find some basic info online. It’s worth looking into. Good luck!
Thank you...agreed. If I can find another lawyer this one I will report immediately. Otherwise, I think I have not much recourse as my husband's lawyer only will communicate with a lawyer.
They can’t communicate with you directly if you have a lawyer. If you represent yourself they can. Try going on avvo.com or calling your local bar association for a referral. I promise you it does get easier!
You had a key line in there...he convinced me to commit suicide...sounds like you are dealing with well not a very nice person. I am so so sorry & sad you're going through this. I'm here for you...I'm so stunned by your story...I wish I could help you in some way!!! Love & Big Hugs!!! XXX Stand strong for you!!!
Thanks. I truly appreciate your kindness. I am grateful.
It's my pleasure! I'm here for you & always will be!!! Love & Hugs!!! XXX
This means so very much to me. I have 3 friends. Today, I discovered I have one. She is going through hell, too. I took a nap, sort of, and fee a bit more normal but he is going to be home again tomorrow.
No, not a nice person. He enjoys kicking when one is down.
He is one sick puppy! Makes all of us look fantastic, hahaha....get rid of him as soon as possible...your children will appreciate it!!! I know because my husband had a very abusive dad & it left him with many scars. i wish for you love, peace & joy!!! XXX
Hi I too am very sorry for your situation but I don't know to help I'm afraid. I think you are in the USA? I am in the UK.
What I will say to you is when life seems darkest it usually starts getting better. I don't know if this is a law of nature but I have found it to be true.
Another thing I firmly believe is that karma will get the bad people in the world. It will get your awful husband too even though it seems he is happy at the moment without a care in the world. He won't escape.
There are some great people in the world and some of them are here and we all care about you. You aren't alone so stay with us and keep talking. We believe in you. x
I, also, wish that we were in Britain. They seem to have a better understanding for women and children and animals. I do live in the USA. Texas, to be exact. Backward, I believe, and not pro-family. I hope you are right about karma.
Well I wouldn't necessarily say we have a better understanding but there is a much more comprehensive benefits system where in theory no one should end up homeless and on the streets though that of course does still happen.
I am right about karma and have seen it many times. x
Your husband is jolly???? Sorry, these are his kids too, and you raised them together. Your husband has no right to walk free- in fact it sounds like he is not a person of character to put it mildly. I hope you find legal aid- something so that you and your sons can get your share of the assets. This is abuse beyond reason. Also, I have not heard of a potential place of work not hiring you because of debt. I hope you can contact the 211 in your area ( if in the USA and if you have not done so already, so that you can get the proper aid - and welcome by the way. Sorry you are going through this. Please do not give up- although it must be very difficult not to be defeated. This monster of a "husband" is not going to walk scott free. Sounds like he is a sociopath. I hope also that you can find a NAMI or even a women's support group so that you can have others behind you in your area.
Yes, I find it difficult to comprehend how he can blithely walk with his head held up high. Why others side with someone who hates, harms, and watches violent porn about young girls being kidnapped and gang raped.
What?! He is not a nice person. Is the porn he watches of underage girls? If there is any possibility it is, call the police. That is horrible. He sounds like a pedophile.
Yeah, he says they are mature actresses and it is in the 3rd world country. I once called the FBI after witnessing a young boy in Asia being raped. I gave them the handle of the person that posted it. However, they said they had no jurisdiction and could do nothing.
I do wonder about my husband. At a birthday party, a 4 year old was dancing inappropriately...very erotic. My husband asked her if she could do more. There is NOTHING nice about him at home but in public, he is 'poor Robert married to Lain.'
I would call again. If he has any underage porn on his computer, he is breaking the law. Period. He should not be around children AT ALL. I am sorry if I am coming off strong. I have been a school teacher and have worked in the children's mental health field. I also have an adopted daughter who has been a victim. Children need to be protected.
Absolutely! Call the local sheriff dept. Thats disgusting. AND illegal. If he gets busted, it shows his character and may help in the divorce.
BTW- I noticed ( sorry it took me awhile) that the 211 you said told you to get rid of animals ! Never heard of that. They should have told you to get the money you need through a court case. If your husband convinced you to committ suicide - then he needs to answer to the law also. I hope you also can get the psych help you need from all of this abuse. You also said that your husband is a meek man - how can he be meek if he is also jolly ? Again, I hope you can get the mental health help you need so that you can begin to live your life again.
Thank you so much for hearing me. Sorry, social legal aid basically told me not to call as I am not physically abused. Nor their crisis line as I would not abandon the boys and the animals for a week shelter.
Have you contacted some women's groups as well as NAMI? I cannot give advice, but I would think that if your husband has money- he should continue to provide support to you, your kids and the animals. He sounds like a creep, but he still is an adult with adult responsibilities. Also, I do not know the legal system, but can you contact a judge at the court where you live? Also, you and your kids and the animals are not a burden- it sounds like someone convinced you of that. Do you have other family members even in another area? A therapist who says good bye when you are in crisis should not be in practice in my opinion. Never heard of that- people go to see counselors all of the time! Also, pardon me- your "husband" sounds like a child - even you if get divorced- he needs to continue to support the household he helped create in my thoughts! If in the USA- please contact NAMI, and also try to see if there is a recovery learning community and /or a clubhouse in your area. Sorry this situation went on for so long. You are sticking up for your kids and your animals. I'll bet that you are stronger than you realize.
What is annoying, is all my medications are sooo much lower or dismissed quickly. I get some bad news and I am a basket case for days. My sons really relies and needs me. I get so depressed I cannot reach that important information.
Oh, my husband is a special kind of stupid. However, he is canny and good with the world. I am rather over sensitive, open and naive. I know nothing! Zip! about anything. Ask me on logic or mythology...NP. I can do computers too. But I am afraid of people and things like cash registers.
We all have strengths and weaknesses if that is what they are called. If a lawyer yelled at you- please call the bar and report it, and also- are your kids adults? If they have special needs and you can prove it- the schools and any other agencies should be able to prove it. Would they be qualified for disability payments then? Just reaching out across cyberspace. Who wouldn't be depressed with all you are living with? I hope your husband gets nailed by the law and has to fork over the money.
Thanks...I applied at NW Texas and they gave me the number to report my current lawyer. The kids are 18 and 20 and disabled. DARS is helping them get college and jobs. They even helped my eldest with clothing and are helping us get him a car by finding a decent place that sells cars for $2000.00 and are going halves with me.
I am also, hopefully, get help, as well.
🙋🏻♂️🙏just saying hello x
Hi! and thanks!!
Hugs and love returned!
Hey there, please don’t give up. This is a terrible thing that is happening to you, but I believe that you can get through this! Please do what faux artist suggested. We are all rooting for you & here for you!!!! Keep holding on! You can do this for yourself & your boys!!! <3
My sons made me relax yesterday...no chores and no cooking. I am at 75% today. I want to thank everyone so much for their kind attention and support; as well as, tell others that are going through rough times or are new that I care. I just have not much to give as I am still in danger mode. I am okay, but very fragile. I keep thinking fearful and depressing thoughts. I actually feel ashamed of who I am for not being 'normal.'
I haven't gone through all the replies, so i apologize if I repeat advice.
I was able to find legal aid (to guide me through my divorce) through the shelter. I didnt live there, but they helped me find help. And when you fill your paper work out, take him for everything you can. Alimony, child support and anything else you can ask for. Some stuff might be denied, but some stuff wont. I made the mistake of only requesting child support. There IS help out there. Keep searching, digging until you find it. (((((HUGS)))))
Is there possibly a local clinic, even a walk in, where you can been seen and get help with meds?
Hi, there is, I hope. I cannot afford a wait list. I am concerned that they will alter what I take as one is very expensive. I was hoping to avoid that.
I might get Cobra. It is more money and the pharmacy told me I need to pay cash up front and get re-embers ed. One of my meds costs $1500 a month!
Thank you Sweetie. The advocate I was assigned to did not like me. She said I do not qualify for aid. Basically...she said not to bother them.
Yesterday, my eldest son went down there and told how she had treated me. He was very angry and got them to investigate.
I do not think anything will happen but I am glad he was able to do what he believes in. Both my sons speak up. I am learning from them.
Hi there, I'm so sorry that you're having such a hard time, but you DO have merit and worth, so please try to believe that. I've had my share of anxiety and depression problems too, several suicide attempts. Then I became a Christian, and found it really is possible to have a personal relationship with Jesus. I've no wish to 'preach' at you (or anyone else), please believe that, but I could pray for you if you'd like me to? Perhaps there's a church nearby, you could have a think about talking to someone there? Just a suggestion. Sending love, and thinking about you meantime, Sheena xx
Thanks, Sheena. I am way overwhelmed. I did not have much self esteem and now I have none. Too many scary and terrible things have and are happening. My meds were dropped again and new insurance,Cobra, if I can pay for it. My pharmacy, actually, every pharmacy does not accept it. I have to pay up front and file. I still have vertigo, my memory seems to be gone. I have no idea if my lawyer is not helping or if my husband will follow up...whether I can keep our home, pay the bills, get a job and go to college with myself in this state. I do not know what is going on. I have 2 sons, pets...I feel I am of no use.
I was raised in a cult that used Jehovah Witnesses as a front so, I feel ill near a church. However, I know you mean well and oddly enough, I do believe in the power of prayer.
I am so glad that all is well for you! I mean that.
I suggest calling another lawyer for advice. I can not see how your very meek husband can legally leave you penniless. It sounds to me like you have a lot of burdens. I am so sorry for this situation you find yourself in. I can understand the frustration of everyone but to leave you penniless is heartless not meek or kind in any way.
I would love another lawyer! Still trying.What fun! He is home and yelling. So much for politeness. It is very hot here. 112 degrees tomorrow. I am rather sick from it. Lack of proper food for all, stress =depression
I crashed again. No one to help or even talk to anytime, anymore. Lifeline called me to see if I was still alive yet they do not wish to bother with me.
We are all here for you.
Thanks all!!!!! I could not do well at all without you! After I got rid of the jerk, (who is here now,)_the depression vanished. I even slept. The animals and kids had very few nightmares. I admit, extremely low self esteem and anxious about the future. I really, really hope everything works.
I thank you. Will it last do you think? I really hope so. I want to get better, and help back.
Once I was in a PTSD chat room. I was friend with a funny lady moderator. Good friends. She died from a blood clot after falling off her horse. (get blood thinners! She cracked 2 ribs...) I miss her a lot!
After she left, a group formed of one male and three females. They jeered and taunted me saying, "run, run Lain, you cannot hide!" After I ceased appearing, the other mods did not intervene on my behalf, I hear they congratulated each other for a job well done.
Any how, I like this place! I just worry.
I also, wrote poetry in a forum for writers. This weird person has begun to attack my writing as being presumptuous as well, my profile, which he calls lies and ridiculous.
I do not lie and am honest to the point of mitigating myself to be fair to others. So, my poetry and profile was exposed and naked.
Talk to you soon!
Hi Lain599, you have to use wisdom in what you tell people and to whom you tell it. You are safe here. I would limit my honesty to this group for now. Some people can be cruel and do not care about another person’s feelings. It is a flaw in their humanity. Do not be concerned. I am sorry you loss your friend in the chat room but you can make friends here.
Yes...I am super stressed so my fragile boundaries do not exist much.
Been there. I understand. If you get a strong need to talk bring it here. Try to remind yourself. Remember there are people who are safe for you and people who are not. They may be safe for someone else but not for you. We are all in that situation. Have you ever met someone who seems the perfect friend to someone else but when you befriend them it is not the same for you. Well it is like that for everyone. For now you may want to try very hard to limit your openness and honesty to this support group. I get a runny mouth when I am stressed. It is never a good thing.
Yes. Plus, I have Bipolar Disorder. All my medications have been radically changed or removed. Thank God I do not have 'forced speech' but in the hope for help, I have disclosed to many unwisely. I am being far more careful now.
You will be very safe here. Everyone is kind, helpful and understanding. I do not know much about bipolar disorder although my ex husband thought I suffered from it but was never diagnosed with it. Look forward to texting you as you go through your journey to healing. I will be praying that the Lord God give us all wisdom in this sometimes very complicated world.
Thank you. I, too, look forward to seeing you here! For me, Bipolar 2 is mostly anxiety and depression. Until I took Lamictal, I spoke very rapidly and suffered from forced speech. However, I also have severe PTSD from a horrific up bring, and was being completely isolated my whole life through my wonderful marriage.
I am not religious, due to my childhood, but I, too, pray that somehow we will not only survive but thrive...win.
hi Lain here for u if u need to chat. is there a victims support for you and your children. cuz it sounds like he was using mental and emotional abuse. i cannot say if it was physical as i dont know if trying to make you commit suicide falls under it. take it to the police hun about the images and videos. csi too as they may help. definatly send a letter to the judge with all the evdience what he has done and etc. maybe search online to find a better lawyer and a councilour for you and your boys. maybe search for places that can help with your meds too. do u have anyone local or friends/family that can help?