It’s 9 am my place. It’s already two hours since I woke up, today to the alarm, that I’m using rarely. I have plenty of work to do but I’m too afraid to even touch it. I should get up from bed those two hours ago, have my breakfast, dress, get ready and go working. Instead I have a recurring thought that I need a rescue - and my only way to get it is sleep. I’m fighting though, that’s why that post here.
I’m gonna stand up right now and go for that day. I’m sure I’m gonna do three out of ten boxes from my to do list. But somehow I need to get going.
I would like my life to become more productive. I’m just eaten by fear of getting more problems that I already have and that I cannot cope with them in any way.
How to do it? How to start? Get up and then pay attention to all tasks prepared to be done? How to push that life forward and get out of that horrible hole of depression, anxiety, problems, debts?
I am gonna be strong now and stand up as soon as I hit post. Please if you read this and have advices how to accomplish anything and move forward, please please let me know.
I wish you all wonderful day! I wish us a change!
Written by
Orangeblossom85
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I have the same problem some days, but not for the reasons I used to have...at some point a therapist touched on this for me, and I found this helpful....they said; 'don't get caught in the 3 P's....perfection, procrastination, paralyses'.... As a kid growing up, when I would start a new project that I was passionate about....I had a very dismissive and abusive mother who resented me from day one...I was illegitimate, and was never wanted. So no matter how hard I tried....it was never good enough...it beat me down. As a young adult....that carried over into anything I tried to wrap my head around. I sub-consciously was afraid what ever I did would not be good enough, I was my own worst critic. and enemy. I found I started procrastinating doing things because I didn't feel I could do them well enough, or ever do enough. It didn't matter what it was....I procrastinated. I made to do lists, like I was given as a kid to complete everyday around the house before my mother came home from work. The lists were more than could be done, and I never heard the end of what I didn't do. And nothing about praise of what I did do. As an young adult, it got to the point where I had things I needed to do piled up so high...the mountain was unreachable...so I gave up before I even started the climb. Admittedly today....there is still a bit of the procrastination....but it's more from me just getting old and tired. Not because of anything else any more...thankfully. I learned what ever I could get done that day was good enough, and don't sweat the small stuff...some days doing nothing is okay too...
The advice of your therapist is really good. I often decide to procrastinate and then later I’m paralyzed. Unfortunately last year I didn’t do a single thing and now I have everything piled up so much. Plus the consequences. I need to face them but fear is completely ruining me.
I must tell you that I can relate to your experience. Whenever I touch something my mum has a simple sentence prepared - it’s gonna ruin us! So here I am, I did ruin my parents for the first time, but so big. My mum from the very first minute was discouraging me and telling I should quit everything before I started.
Anytime I would study during the night, she would tell me it’s time to sleep and if I didn’t get it into my head yet, I won’t now. So I didn’t finish my studies. Pretty much same happened with my company. The recurring discouragement... and judgment! I must do everything wrong, always.
I’m done with it. I no longer care what my mum thinks about my ideas. Surely they are all bad to her. It’s in my core though... so it does resonate, unfortunately!
I dug myself into a hole too....it was a pretty big one. All my stuff in storage and tons of it to go through....just stored it for months at huge expense cause I just didn't want to deal with it. I had just lost everything I'd worked for the past 20 years of my life. I was destroyed with fear too. All my mothers negativity had become a reality and guess who was first on board to say...'there's nothing I can do for you, I have my own problems'....this was said to me of course after helping her out for years by doing things for her and giving her money.....So....I just stopped living life, isolated and shut the world out. But the best thing that came out of it was.....I didn't need all that shit anyway. And my mother was out of my life for good. That was almost 10 years now.
Take one thing at a time and deal with it ....prioritize the most important and the rest will eventually get resolved. There is no failure it trying...and everyone in their life, especially with this disease....slams into a brick wall. My life really is better now, but there is still, and always will be things I have no control over people, places, or things.
Today I have different battles to fight, and today is not a good day for me, but I do know from past experience this will pass. Somehow some way this big change that needs to go on here will happen one way or another....and no....all the worlds problems won't be solved...but it's a huge part of it. My partner and I will have the biggest thorn in our moving forward with our lives fixed. And only they can do it. I can't. So waiting is frustrating.
I must say that hope is the strongest in me. I have hope I’m gonna be better. I have hope that I’m gonna solve all the problems and pay my debts. I have hope that no danger will hunt me. I have hope I will love and will be loved. I have hope for everything that I set as my goal, or dream.
I wish this to you too. To keep hope! I’m sure we will fight whatever will come toward us. We seem to be weaker, and we are actually very often labeled as weak by other people. In fact I see us so much stronger. We have the experience they do not have. We battled and we are winning every day, even if it’s just a tiny matter.
I’m proud of myself surviving this day. Sad that I wasn’t strong enough to do what I planned. But I’m happy that I had one big task fully fulfilled. It’s a big step too!
I’m waking up in seven hours. And I’m already so afraid of another morning. Mornings are cruel!
prioritize.....and make plans in general....allow for some flexibility....and do things at your own pace...one thing at a time..... that's it.... when we make the mountain of stuff too high, we can never reach our goals....so lower the bar, simplify....first things first....the rest will follow.... and yes..... we are warriors....we fight the good fight....and I don't believe anyone out there is completely normal...that''s BS. Everyone has something, they are just in denial about it...and their fear of being weak is their own downfall, they don't get better....as you said...it takes great strength for us to overcome our fears...and at least we are honest with ourselves and trying.
I’ve read your comments faux and I had feeling that you write exactly about me. I’m in big crisis now. Don’t know how to escape it if not just sleep through it... I feel terribly bad. And I have no one to turn to. I feel like I am a small baby that needs all the care!
My great grandma used to say...The inspector is not coming today! If you need a day , then give it to yourself...get up the next day & do something for 15 minutes...it's amazing what you can accomplish in such a short period of time! I wish for you all the best!!! Love & Hugs!!!
I always say same to myself and trying to somehow make it easier on me. The problem is that I often decide to make it too simple for me and then, after a time, it becomes unbearably hard!
Today I was supposed to do 6 tasks. So far I only did one. But it’s always something!
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