Fear

Why do I fear like I do?

As a child growing up; I never had a care or worry in the world. But, once college and adult life rolled around, things and situations and circumstances changed big time.

Fear came into my life...a lot of that was due to me putting a lot of "high expectations" on myself because I was the last of 9 grandchildren on my Dad's side and everyone else (including my brother) all had their 4-year college degrees or beyond and all I had at that time was my high school diploma. I felt like a failure and had no idea what I was going to do with my life...what was my purpose...what was my worth...who was I or who am I? At that time, my fear was of failing? And, later on in my life, I had dental issues and I had a fear of going to the dentist. I experienced a traumatic event in my life while my Grandmother was still living. She had a lot of choking problems and I remember witnessing them. Those images stuck in my mind and I never forgot them. As I got older, I remembered that traumatic time and I ended up with a fear of choking when I would eat my meals. That caused me to avoid eating...which was not easy. As a result, I ended up losing weight and that really scared me. About 3 years ago, I ended up in an Eating Disorder facility for a period of time. It gave me the support that I needed to help me physically, emotionally, and mentally. And, I thank God for the staff, doctors, and my many friends that I met there. Please never forget this....FEAR can be overcome. And, once you release that fear, that sense and feeling of freedom is like no other feeling in your life. God Bless You on your journey...Embrace Your Life and Embrace this Journey that God takes you on!!!

[Julie98683]

I too feel that fear. I’m so sorry about your grandma it’s really hard to watch and see them suffer. I feared I don’t laugh please pooping and pushing for a long time because my mom was in the bathroom brushing too hard to guess when a brain aneurysm broke loose she couldn’t breathe I watched her struggle for air I gave her her inhaler it didn’t work she couldn’t breathe and I couldn’t do anything for her I ran out and got the nurse was taking her own sweet time and like my mom can’t breathe they called a crash cart. 20 minute she was gone. The funny thing is the doctor said she was making 100% recovery was going home the next day. I had left my kids in Mexico because she had a stroke and we were there on vacation visiting in-laws found out the other day my son he’s 28 now here with her world his grandma was everything to him I left him in Mexico with his dad because it was an emergency just found out his cousins raped him. Anal penetration they also made him do you think he was eight years old these boys were 14 and 15 and I just found out when he was here on leave last week. From his ex wife over the phone. And ask when my sister fell apart I died that day and I’m dead to him and I lost my grandson if years old who has to go back to Colorado with his Colonel father in the army and watch him drink because I wasn’t there to take care of him my mom died after that I was lost there’s almost 2 years of my life I don’t remember because yeah I think I did drink a lot I didn’t see his pain I didn’t know about the rape. Wow OK I’m sorry I think I probably told you too much but it’s not good getting it out. That’s why my panics attacks are so bad right now. And the reason I might lose my job because I can’t concentrate I became a physicans assistant to help people ando couldn’t even help people and I can’t even help my own kids. He’s 28 now I had him when I was 18 I thought I was the best mom in the world so I don’t know how old you are but wait till you’re older to have kids because maturity doesn’t come on until after your 37 or 40. OK I got that out thank you so much for listening I feel liberated and I’m sorry if you have to read all that but I guess that’s it this is boring story right that’s why I had depression in Anxiety and PTSD tell me your story