I'm lost

I am at a loss in which direction to go. I am so very depressed, anxious, not worthy, scared, tired of being around. So many things have happened in my life, and I have never had the opportunity to speak with anyone about all these things that seem to have piled up on me in m life. I do not know where to begin. The most recent, yet ongoing for years, problem I have in my life is the inability to seem to break away from my narcissistic, on again off again boyfriend/fiancee. I feel week and I know if I could just get away and be free from him then a lot would change and get better. I know I should cut all ties. I never keep to that. I'm to the point that I just want everything to end. I am tired of hurting, tired of him hurting me mentally and emotionally, and I am tired of allowing it.

[thatjuanguy]

First off you are worthy of everything and second stop allowing it he’s clearly toxic if he’s made you feel this way your person should feel like home and make you happy and you can find that if you let him go. I know its easier said than done but you would get through it and come out healthier for it. Why can’t you break away what pulls you back?

[Hidden in reply to thatjuanguy]

I let myself get pulled back because I love him so very much. I'm tricked by his charm every time. He knows what to say to get me to talk to him. When I finally do, it just progresses. He apologizes and compensates with his wrong doing by pretending to have empathy and be sorry for how he has treated me. It's so very convincing. It's been back and forth for over 5 years now. In less than a year, we have went from not speaking at all, to seeing each other again, to him ghosting me, then upping the "reward" for taking him back by asking me to marry him, to less than two months later ghosting me and being with another woman , to now declaring his "Undying love for me" saying he will do anything to have me back. I know I'm not making the right decisions , but I don't know how to break the cycle.

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

I have let him do this to me for so long that I do not know how to stop it.

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

I've read your posts. Here's what I think but it's just my opinion, nothing more. But really think about what I'm about to say. In your first post about your most recent, but ongoing for years, problem, your narcissistic boyfriend? First, you don't deserve this! Nobody deserves to be treated so disrespectfully!!! Secondly, you can't make people change and you will never win with a narcissist! He will NEVER change! I understand that you love him, but he will never change!! Start telling yourself that now. Keep repeating it to yourself.

You say you're tired of never sticking to it when it comes to cutting all ties. Do you depend on him financially or does he provide a roof over your head? Because if you do, you can start making plans to get away from him. If not, it'll make it much easier to stick to it when the time comes. From your second post, he sounds like he's a master manipulator. He manipulates you so much and so often, you hardly see it because you said you know what he does everytime, right. Well, emotional abuse and manipulation is just as bad as physical abuse. If he had hit you or beaten you repeatedly, wouldn't you kick him to the curb? It's the same thing hun!! He's never going to change, he's never going to change, he's never going to change. And like "thatjuanguy" said, you are worthy of everything so stop allowing it. he’s clearly toxic. You can find a person that makes you feel like home and make you happy and you can find that if you let him go. Girl, he's never going to change, he's never going to change, he's never going to change.

Best to you!!

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

Thank you for your support. I think that may be all I need is some support. I am all alone since I have lost most of my friends because of this relationship. He does not financially support me. We do not live under the same roof. He only hurts and manipulates me. The only time he is being nice, supportive, or anything is when he is trying to win me back. He likes how I let him treat me.

[Hidden]

Itsme

If you need to clear the books and you have a chance to do it, get it done, If your boyfriend has outstayed His welcome, you move and and find someone who will fit the bill. Be strong

BOB

[Hidden]

Hey, you sound exactly like me for the past 10 years of my life. I was in the most toxic, abusive, unhealthy relationship in my life. I kept going back to him because I loved him more than I loved myself. That got me nowhere for 10 years. I’m 26 years old now & trying to repair the damage this relationship has caused me. I’m just now learning myself that what we had wasn’t love, & if it’s any indication from your message - I don’t think what you two have is love either. If it is, you shouldn’t want it. I hope you get yourself out of this situation. Nothing good can come from this, I promise. Look in the mirror & tell yourself.. You are beautiful, you are worthy, you are loved. Walk away from this man once & for all. I wish you peace & happiness in the days ahead. If you need to talk to someone, feel free to pm me. <3 You can do this. I believe in you.

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

Thank you. I knew there was someone out there who had at least something similar to this. It doesn't even feel like it is him that is so hard to let go of. It's the thought of losing the love I feel. Being so alone. He has helped in isolating me from everyone. I'm new on here as of today. i guess I would go to "chat" to pm you?

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

Yes, you can talk to me anytime. I’m here to listen. <3

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

Hi Itsme13!

His isolation of you is called “grooming” and it’s designed to do exactly what it’s doing to you! You really need to break free of his chains, reconnect with others that you have been isolated from you for added support, work on discovering who you really are, and figuring out what you want from the next relationship. You will have much soul-searching and reconnecting to do once free of him to occupy your time. You deserve so much better! You will feel like a huge, malignant tumor has been removed from your back!! 😲

[Hidden]

It's true. When I do get free from him and focus on my self I feel so much better. I'm going to get away from him. He always finds me. I moved out of state. Then I fall back in. Blocked his number, he calls me from random numbers, blocked him from my email, he uses a different email every time, I have no social media. I just wish I could erase him from my mind.

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

It’s not going to be easy, but I know you can do it! You’re sick and tired of being sick and tired! 🤪

[Windy101]

I urge you to call the crisis line in your community and also to make an appointment with your local women's center/shelter. They can connect you to resources that will help you. Sadly, a person with narcissism will suck the life out of you, enjoy manipulating and hurting you, and then disappear when he/she feels like it. It is in their character, and there is nothing you can do to change it. It's not your fault. It's who they are. I knew someone like that and thought if I just changed my ways and was a better person, he wouldn't act that way, because it was always my fault. It took a while, but now I see him for what he is. Please, seek help and keep posting here for support. You're never alone.

[Hidden]

I called this morning for help. Basically they told me I made too much money to get help but they could set an appointment for me. $186 each time. This type of support group looks like all I will be able to receive. It's so very sad that I feel the way I do and cannot receive the help I need. I feel even worse for people who have dealt with this even longer and are in a worse situation. It's so messed up out there.

[pink318]

Hi- I’m sorry that your boyfriend is treating you that way.

I have a friend, she is married now but when they were dating, his boyfriend was not treating her nice but still she married him with the expectation that he would change. Now they are married for 7 years and their marriage is not doing well.

Please talk to your boyfriend and let him know how you truly feel. I hope you will not allow him to hurt and manipulate you. If you need someone to talk to, you can message me. Take care, we are here for you. You are in my prayers.