Introduction: Hi, Im a woman in my 30s... - Anxiety and Depre...

Anxiety and Depression Support
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Introduction

Hi, Im a woman in my 30s, married with children. I joined this group cause I'm at a point in my life right now that feels like bordering on a crisis. I'm depressed, stressed and burned out. My marriage and job, and my own personality weaknesses feel like traps that are draining the life from my bones. I am hoping I can find something anything to help me deal with the desperation and rage i feel inside that threatens to send me into a self destructive downward spiral. I have my doubts that talking to other struggling people will help but I cant afford therapy or meds and I'm desperate so here goes.

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Sounds like burnout. Is your job something you enjoy doing or have to do?

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Welcome to the site! You will find loving, caring & supportive people here! I'm just 1 of them. How can I help you? I always try to take my mind to a happy place or time, listen to music, garden or read! Keeping busy is very helpful for me. I'm here for you....wishing you peace!!! Love & Hugs!!! XXX

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I've been reading a lot lately and It is a good escape. I'm trying to tell myself good things and encourage myself especially whenever I'm anxious about my upcoming shift at work. Music is also good :)

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You can do this...keep thinking positive! All the best for you! Love & Hugs!!! XXX

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Yes it is burnout at least partially. I dread work and my husband although he is helpful around the house and hardworking, has been unemployed since a 2 months after we married 8 yrs ago . His job outlook is not good because of a pretty severe criminal record although he went to college and earned a degree and we take care of dogs in our home when people go on vacation. Most of the financial burden is on me though and my job is very stressful and I deal with a lot of stressed out people and some unreasonable and mean ones too. We are exploring businesses he can run but I feel like I have to hold his hand and push him to do anything for our future. Hes not a self starter and hes not through in how he does stuff either. We purchased a home 2 yrs ago and I feel like that was a trap too. The more stuff we get the more I want to just dump it all and run away where I have very little responsibility. I want to travel and have adventure and could with my job but my husband was born and raised here and doesnt want to leave. My kid is in school and I want her to experience the world but at the same time I want her to have lasting friendships and relationships and not jerk her away from her friends and put her in a new school every year or so. Me and my husband never have built deep relationships in the past and stay isolated and unable to establish deep connections with others and I dont want to damage her ability to do that. This interpersonal difficultly is where a lot of my emotional pain comes from and I have a very deep loneliness. I just feel trapped and unhappy and my depression has gotten to where I can barely make myself work enough shifts to keep my pay up. I get angry easily at little things and it eats me up cause I feel out of control in my life.

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Hi Jesselyn. I'm right there with you. People like us carry and absorb everyone's stress and carry it with us like it is our own. This leads to being overwhelmed, burned out, anger for having to take care of everyone but guilty at the same time if we just tell everyone to fend for themselves and take care of ourselves. You feel like you have to do everything to keep things going because if you don't everything will fall apart and others will suffer. I have not yet found the magic recipe for letting the burden and guilt go but have learned to loosen the reigns a little bit at a time which has helped. When I release carrying everyone else's burdens and take care of my needs I find that I feel better and have more energy to do things. Unfortunately, it will go so far that I fall back into the same pattern of doing everything for everyone else until I am burned out again. It takes practice to release control and not carry everyone one else's problems and burdens.

I mean this with all due respect but your husband is grown and while it is important for you to support him in what he decides to do he needs to decide and he needs to take the steps to get it done. You can't do it for him. Now I know they may get upset by that and tell you how your not supporting them if your not holding their hand but that is just their fear and anxiety of the unknown talking. You have to stand firm and let them figure it out while telling them you love them and will support their decisions.

Talk to your daughter about what she thinks about traveling. Maybe you can find ways to take trips for short periods of time versus living somewhere else. This will provide exposure to new things without permanently changing the situation and maybe the family will actually bring up the idea of moving.

Carrying everyone's responsibilities and life is exhausting. I know we are all superwomen, but we can only do so much and once our health is at stake the chances of sustaining those super hero powers becomes very slim. Take care of yourself. If you are dreading doing something, don't do it. If you need to just sit around in your pajamas all day then do it. Work, home, family, friends, everything will figure out how to keep going without you. I promise.

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You are correct in this. My daughter wants to travel especially to California. I have a job where I can travel for 8 week to 13 week increments and extend if I want. But the issue of schooling for her would be a problem I'm concerned about her moving schools alot and not being able to make friends.

My husband and I have had conversations exactly like that. But he just will never do anything unless I'm on his case about it. It's so bad if I ask him to call and take care of something or look something up on the internet for us it will just never get done. Or he will tell me hes looked all day and couldn't find anything.. and I'll google it and find what we need first link I go to. Its frustrating. If I want something done I have to do it myself in my house. That said my husband stays on top of the chores including cooking so it's not all bad. He had horrible credit and still to this day I have to file injured spouse forms so I can get my tax returns. I've paid a lot of his debts but just keep finding out about more. His credit is good now cause I've let his name be on credit cards as a user and they report to both our accounts. I pay everything for him and handle all finances cause he wouldn't. After 8 yrs of marriage I've trained him pretty good but when it comes to starting a business or taking initiative to make his and our lives better, forget it.

Some people have it much worse I know.. that's one reason I have never talked about it.. it doesnt make it better and I know it could be so much worse.. I'm just not happy and this is my life you know. I only have one to live. I have an urgency to just make huge changes cause I'm so unhappy.

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Hi Jesselyn. I understand. Is he seeking help? It sounds like he may be dealing with some of his own depression or anxiety. Maybe feeling guilty, ashamed and worthless which leads to the non-initiative behavior? Maybe you two can look into couple's therapy or maybe individual therapy to start. Does he know how you feel or when you try to talk about it emotions and defenses go up rather quickly making the conversation unproductive?

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Yes very good assessment. I've tried to be his encourage but after 8 years it's hard. I'd love therapy and hes willing also but we have zero insurance and the worse my depression gets the less I work.

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Try searching for free marriage counseling in your area. I also know there are therapists that can be talked to via telephone or Skype. I don't know if you are religious or practice religion, but if you and your husband are not completely against the idea then most churches offer some type of counseling services.

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I am so so sorry you're dealing with all this. Life can be such a challenge! Just keep writing your feelings on here...it may help to release it all for you! Plus you'll get very supportive advice! Hang in there. Peace & Love!!! XXX

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I hear you loud and clear. There is so much on your plate. When we have so much going on we can’t help but to feel trapped, in our jobs and relationships. This deep connection with others fade when we are pulled in every direction. I can’t but to think that some of your anger/stress can be coming from your spouse not holding things down. This is manageable..

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Yes! And at least let me travel, since you get a free ride..

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Well welcome.

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