It is so exhausting just pretending to be okay around everyone. I'm tired of feeling sad for no reason, tired of going to work and faking a smile then going to the bathroom and wiping tears.
Tired of being broke, sad and stressed. I know there is a light at the end of this tunnel and my life will not always be this way but it is unbearable at the moment. I wish I could just stay in bed indefinitely until things changed. The sadness lingers all the time and I'm on the verge of tears all the time. I hate this so much.
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Hello_Vivi
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Hello! This is the disease talking to you! Are you getting any help? I try to take my mind to something that makes me happy...I sure hope this is of some help! I'm here for you! XXX
Thank you for your advice. I'm not currently getting help but really wish I was. I have a part time job and no health insurance so I cannot afford treatment at this time, although that's my ultimate goal.
I hear you.Is there a way to get help from a professional.Still is there one thing that brings you joy, a good meal ,tv, walking anything. Its that one thing that may distract you and allow you to relax a bit.
I wish I could get professional help but I'm only working part-time at the moment and don't have health insurance so I can't afford it. I do try to do things that I enjoy but it is hard with my circumstances. I'm so financially strapped that I feel like even going for a drive (wasting gas) or going shopping (don't have money) are things that I can't afford. I know there is free stuff to enjoy but it sucks to feel like I'm stuck. I appreciate your advice.
Sorry you feel this way. This is what grieving feels like, and what depression feels like. It's like walking around with your head in a bubble. I can't count how many times I've cried in the bathroom at work. Try to find something - anything - that still brings you joy. Or something that makes you feel anything at all. A cup of tea, your favorite music, dancing, walking barefoot, feeling sunlight on your face, watching your favorite movie, eating a favorite food, snuggling an animal, a phone call with a friend. Find something that brings you a tiny bit out of the sadness, and focus on that for a bit. Therapy and medications can also be life-changing.
Yes, I definitely feel like I'm in this sad bubble that no one else sees and that I constantly live in. I definitely want to go back to therapy and take medications as I was doing years ago (I had to stop due to a loss of insurance), I know it will help greatly in making me feel better. Thank you so much for your advice.
Therapy and meds should be FREE cause so many of us need them! I hope you're able to afford those again soon, meds make a huge difference for me. Take deep breaths, you can do this!
Being down so long you don't know what up feels like, I get it. After surviving serious medical complications I changed my way of thinking and find happiness being able to be able to breath normally and walk outside of my home anytime I want even though I can't go far. I have just started anxiety serotonin med 10 days ago hoping that makes a difference. ** Hold on. I keep telling myself this too shall pass and nothing is static. But passing now would be good.
Thank you for your response, I do try to focus on happiness but some days like today are hard. Especially while I'm at work and I feel like I *have* to be there, stuck in my misery.
Halo there, sorry that you are going through so much. Thanks for sharing. I read that you are working part time and that you don’t have a health insurance that covers the costs of therapy. In my country, most insurers don’t cover mental illness or treatment also. But we have various support group - for eg, Churches, various support groups in the Facebook Even forum like this works too. ARe you staying near any church?? Maybe worth asking if they do offer free or subsidised counselling? Do whatever it takes, just reach out to someone and talk to them. Keeping you in my prayer. God bless!
I'm so,sorry you are going thru this. Frustration enters in because of the situation you're in. With no ins, not having finances to seek professional help. Some places will do a sliding scale if you tell them you really need the help and don't have the finances. Maybe they will have knowledge of a free group therapy. Its really hard faking it. Just remember, the faking it is a way to fight back with this illness. We can't let it totally take over. When you're "faking" it tell yourself you're being strong not deceitful. You're fighting to stay above water, of getting back in that black hole even further. Try to trick your mind. Positive self talk. You're not lying....you're fighting! We all understand and are here to support you. Hugs
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Sorry you feel this way. This is what grieving feels like, and what depression feels like. It's like walking around with your head in a bubble. I can't count how many times I've cried in the bathroom at work. Try to find something - anything - that still brings you joy. Or something that makes you feel anything at all. A cup of tea, your favorite music, dancing, walking barefoot, feeling sunlight on your face, watching your favorite movie, eating a favorite food, snuggling an animal, a phone call with a friend. Find something that brings you a tiny bit out of the sadness, and focus on that for a bit. Therapy and medications can also be life-changing. 
I hope you're able to afford those again soon, meds make a huge difference for me. Take deep breaths, you can do this!
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