Anxiety and suicidal ideation

[legallystressed]

My anxiety has been extremely high for months now and as it’s mostly related to work Sundays are the worst but really every day is horrible. I can deal with the depression okay but the anxiety really makes me want to kill my self (I’m safe tho). I just can’t take the constant urges to not exist they fill my consciousness. I don’t even know why I’m writing this tbh but nothing seems to help

[Skeeble]

Have you spoken to a health professional about this as anxiety is one thing but wanting to not exist is abit deeper. I remember when my anxiety first started and it was so bad I didn't want to be awake as it ruled my life I hated it. And if I have a bad day now I can't wait to go to sleep so it subsides, that's normal. But don't think about death or ending your life. U can beat this it's all about retraining your brain. Have you looked into counselling? Or anti depressants?

[legallystressed in reply to Skeeble]

Yes I have both a psychiatrist and a therapist. My therapist specializes in cbt Both know about my thoughts. On anti anxiety and antidepressants but I’ve been in anxiety meds so long they pretty much stopped working

[shellirgarson in reply to legallystressed]

i just started cbt -- and using a workbook from Dr Burns. It seems that, interestingly, often the core of depression is a lack of self-esteem. That is what I am working on now. I am highly self- confident - but inside hate myself. The public suicides of Bourdain and Spade made me scared a bit - but my family after all these years - still treats my mental health challenges as "i'm crazy."

[Rpan]

Have you been able to find the triggers? For me I can get triggered today and than be anxious in two days from now.

[legallystressed in reply to Rpan]

Work mostly so I’m triggered pretty much every day

[Strongheartforever in reply to legallystressed]

Your pain is a signal, telling you something about this job. It’s not worth your life. Eventually you won’t do it well anymore when it eats away at your will to live. You can start your own business or practice and lower the stress level. Too much is too much. Time to make an exit plan perhaps.

[legallystressed in reply to Strongheartforever]

I have my own practice. Left my firm three years ago bc I thought it’d be less stressful. But now everything is on me. It’s worse in many ways

[Strongheartforever in reply to legallystressed]

What is an empowering answer to this? Go with that. Your power and your ability to serve your clients is going to suffer if you spread yourself too thin. Can you scale back? Anyway best of luck I know it’s not easy.

[legallystressed in reply to Strongheartforever]

I wish I knew

[nightingale1977]

Gosh.... sorry to hear you are going through so much. I can understand the stress of running your own business. It’s really a 24/7 job and it’s all on you! Somewhat like parenting except that you are allowed to make “newbie” mistakes. But when it comes to your own business, everyone expect you to be on top of the game. Is it a sole proprietorship or partnership? If it is affecting you so much, are you able to scale back a little? Or can you find a senior to mentor you through these? I’m keeping you in my prayer. God bless!

[legallystressed in reply to nightingale1977]

Thanks so much. It’s just me I’m a solo practitioner (lawyer) and it’s just hard to do everything especially while dealing with anxiety and depression and I can’t afford an assistant so🤦‍♀️ thanks for the prayers I appreciate it

[Sillysausage234]

Hi, don’t be too hard on yourself,you can get through this If your posting your thoughts it’s a good start.just a few loose wires need connecting up again,best wishes x

[LucilleBreton]

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