When to let go?

[blue1764]

Anyone have any advice on letting go of toxic people even though you love them so so much. I can’t seem to do it without breaking down and crying and I know it’s what’s best for me but I can do it. Help plz

[Lu2356]

Hello. Hope ur doing well. I would suggest writing the pro and cons of having that person in ur life. Consider that that those people will not change and u cannot change them. Accept them for who they are. Accept how u feel as well. Change is good. And change is necessary to help get us through life. It’s hard as heck, but I think for those of us going through depression, we hold onto to the past too much, good and bad. Focus on the now. What’s best for u to keep having better days? Not perfect days, just a better day. Hope this helps. Have a blessed day. ❤️🙏

[blue1764 in reply to Lu2356]

Thank you so much 💞

[SA192461 in reply to Lu2356]

Good advice, I’m struggling with the very same thing. How do you stop loving someone that you’ve loved for over 30 years..who no longer loves you? The pain is unbearable at times..I do continue to move forward Every day, in some way.

[gogogirl]

Well, if you love them, what about just setting boundaries?

[gogogirl in reply to gogogirl]

Also, are the people toxic or is the relationship between you and them?

[blue1764 in reply to gogogirl]

Both sadly but it’s so hard to let go

[gogogirl in reply to blue1764]

Only you know what is best for you- and remember decisions that you make today do not have to last forever.

[SA192461 in reply to gogogirl]

No boundaries to be set, he wants a divorce. I have to accept it..somehow. I just wish I wasn’t so completely alone.

[gogogirl in reply to SA192461]

Well, that's rough. Do you have community around you like family? It is okay to grieve. It sounds like you are not wanting a divorce.

[SA192461 in reply to gogogirl]

No family here, my family is 3,000 miles away.. no support system for me. You’re right, I don’t want a divorce but he doesn’t love me anymore..not much I can do. I’ve devoted my life to my husband..now I’m so lost and alone. Trying to figure out how to get back to California 🤔😢

[Beatennotdefeated]

It is very hard to let toxic people go. I think it is partly because you form an even stronger bond with them. It seems to me it is because you have been through intense emotional pain with them. Strong emotional experiences that are negative form a strong bond. That is why the army had boot camp and fraternities have hazing. It is like being a beaver in a trap and you have to bite off your own leg to get out. And it still hurts a ton after you are out. And the void of being out is more painful than beings in for a while. Each time you go back it is harder to get out again cause you know what you are headed for. So try to stay out so you don’t have to relive it But it is very hard!!

[Dubba61]

Hello blue, mmm..not easy. But, it can be done. I still cared for my Husband of 9 years, very much, when I told him to go. He had nil respect for me, and not a care for my Happiness. Gradually, one day at a time, I realized, I didn't care anymore. Not one Jot. Now I wonder why I wasted so much time on him. Having said that. Do be sure it's what you want n that the relationship can't be mended. Cos there's probably no going back. Best of luck. 😊✌️🌻

[gogogirl]

Are these people family- or is it a romantic relationship?

[blue1764 in reply to gogogirl]

Romantic relationship I guess. I’m only a teenager so it’s not as serious as marriage but it’s my boyfriend who I’ve been dating for over a year and I love him so much but he has started treating me terribly. Not in a physical way or anything but a verbal way I guess. He dosent listen to anything that bothers me and blames everything on me. Seems like he no longer loves me or even cares. I love him and I want to be with him but I’m not being heard and I feel like I’m alone in this relationship. It’s really hard. It makes me sad everyday because I don’t know how I’m supposed to go from talking to him everyday and hanging out with him almost everyday to letting go. Thinking about it makes me cry.

[gilded_masquerade]

I know exactly how you're feeling.

Last year I broke up with my boyfriend/fiancé that I had known since I was 11 years old. Over the years he became unrecognizable to me, started blaming me for everything, played the victim, ghosted me, lied and manipulated me, and we fought literally every day.

Like him, your boyfriend sounds like a narcissist; someone who is only in it for themselves. The crappy part is that they know how much you care and they use it to their advantage "No one else could ever be with you" "You're so lucky to have me" etc.

It's beyond painful but that's how they operate, they feed off of the love and devotion you give them but never reciprocate it.

I know is seems like an impossible thing, but trust me; the sooner you let go the better you will be.

If you keep folding for this person, they know they have you trapped and will keep it that way for as long as they need to.

The aftermath will be hard but remember that you need to look out for you. No one else.

I sincerely wish you the best, and remember, do what's right for YOU.

Stay strong ❤️

[blue1764 in reply to gilded_masquerade]

Thank you 💞💞

[gogogirl]

You're right- there isn't much you can do in regards to a divorce except to grieve. Is there any way for you to make arrangements to visit your family?

[gogogirl]

You're only a teenager- you have your whole life ahead of you!