Today started off as good , then it just got bad really bad quickly . My husband and I both have tempers and we both react differently when we get mad. I get super verbal and tend to yell and think of really harsh things to say, things that I know will push my husbands buttons. My husband gives me the silent treatment and it seems to really set my anger when he ignores me . We haven't had a fight like this one in at least a year. We started this fight over something that's not even a big deal. My husband had to drive to Walmart that is across town so we could get flea treatments for our cats. And I
Got mad because he was angry? I tend to over react when my husband is anything but happy and this seems to be an ongoing problem in our relationship , something I have to work on. Let's just say when we finally got back to our house, I asked him to leave . He ignored me. That in turn makes my anger go from 0 to 10. I then asked him I have to say calmly and nicely to leave because I didn't want our son to be around a tense environment he still ignored me . Then i continued to ask him to leave calmly I would say another 10 times still being ignored. This really set my anger off because I just wanted him to think about our son and just leave so our son wouldn't have to see or hear us fight . Then my anger just snapped it's like I let my anger take control of my whole body and I started to hit my husband with my fists while crying saying " please just leave " while he laughed ...I think him laughing set me off even more because I then picked up my son , and continued to hit my husband ...this was a horrible choice on my part and this is completely inexcusable ...I just lost it ..it's like I couldn't control myself. Then fast forward , we both put my son to sleep and then it started again ...he wouldn't talk to me and just ignored me. I then grabbed his face as hard as I could. He then snapped , grabbed my wrist as hard as he could and slammed me to the ground and started hitting me. Now, I don't know how I feel about this because 1) I hit him first and this was the second time so I started it. Something inside me just gave up while he was twisting my wrist while he was saying he was defending himself , it was at this point I just wanted to die. I was hoping with one hit he would kill me , I didn't care about my life anymore. I was hoping he would even get the strength to choke me out because I deserved it. I started this fight he was only defending himself . After he got done hitting me , I started to apologize profusely , I'm sorry I'm a bad mother and a bad person I said over and over to him between tears. I still don't know what caused me to even start getting physical with him, I think it's because he's great at making me feel horrible. While we were in the car before we even got home he said " I hope everyday that you kill yourself at this point your son won't remember you and I can find a good mother for him " he said over and over. I'm thinking this is what caused me to snap and lose my break from reality . I'm sitting on the floor right now looking on my phone , my wrist killing me . But I started this ...this marriage is getting toxic. I know we have to get a divorce. I just know both of us are too "lazy" to pull the trigger. But if we stay married , what's going to happen ? My son doesn't deserve to live in a household
Like this . And I don't have any means of supporting myself let alone him. Would love anyone's input