Anxiety and Depression Support
22,939 members21,087 posts

Getting over friendship loss

I have grown up with a learning disability, adhd, and anxiety. Being accepted by people was a constant struggle because I would say or do the wrong things and be ridiculed. As I got older, it became easier to form positive relations but still struggle with social awkwardness and have trouble connecting with a lot of people.</p>

<p>I now have a job where I support adults with developmental disabilities in work settings and supervise job coaches who provide the supports.&nbsp;&nbsp;</p>

<p>Back in late June, I met a lovely young lady who became one of my best friends. I'll call her Sherri and looks like Caity Lotz.

<p>I was her supervisor at the non profit where I work and she was completing her undergrad in social work.&nbsp; Sherri started out as an intern at the agency and she was notorious for revealing way to much about herself. Sherri revealed to me that she was recovering drug addict and has been clean for 5 years.&nbsp;</p>

<p>The first day we met we both hit it off and the more we worked together, the more excited I was to see her. What I liked about Sherri was that I could be myself with her and 95% of the time if I ever said a random or stupid thing, she wouldn&#39;t make me feel bad. We had the same bad habits of talking about irrelevant things when we should of been working or focusing on work but we always got the work done. Sherri was one of the best workers I ever met and I always saw her more as a friend then co-worker or subordinate.</p>

<p>We were only in a platonic relationship and she had a boy friend whom she was living with for the past 4 years. Sherri would tell me how she didn&#39;t think he cared anymore for her. Besides that, we also talked about the latest tv shows and she stuff on Netflix we both liked. I would text her a lot and she would always reply.</p>

<p>In the first week of October, Sherri said she accepted a job at another company but said she would still be open to providing supports for one of the people on my caseload on the weekends. I joked and said that I was worried I&#39;d be losing a friend but she said we still be friends even if she left.</p>

<p>When she left I would text her a lot and she would respond but it was less frequent. I invited her to one of my mom&#39;s business events in November and she said she would come but bailed out because it was to far but said she still wanted to hang out at a later date. We hung out in January and it was one of the most fun times I had. I loved talking to her and hearing her stories again.</p>

<p>I told her I had some issues at work that got me in trouble but they were working with me. She told me that she was slowly getting more acclimated to her job.&nbsp;</p>

<p>I texted her a lot and at times it was too much but Sherri said that it was all good and that it had to be something really big to annoy or bother her. I still kept being needy of her because I missed the good times we had together and crazy stories. I asked her in the middle of March if she wanted to meet up and she said yes but bailed because she was doing grad school applications. She was also in a new relationship and I told her I was glad and she said that it was fun being with a new guy he was amazing.</p>

<p>We had a few more text conversations after that and I then I asked her if she was game for hanging out again and she texted me back saying that her boyfriend didn&rsquo;t like the idea of her hanging out with another guy. I thanked for all the tough times she helped me and she responded that she was happy she could be a support for me. (I took it as she no longer wished to be.)</p>

<p>I was really heart broken and called up my brother and cousin to discuss. They both said to give 3 weeks and that boundaries needed to be in place if a friendship was to continue.</p>

<p>I waited 3 weeks until I texted her for her monthly documentation that I collect each month. We spoke on the phone&nbsp; and it was (sort of like old times where we both caught up but it wasn&#39;t the same) after that but she said her mom called. I sent her a text that way to heavy that said that I loved our friendship and loved that we used to tell each other our crazy stories. She never texted back. My brother and cousin said that I needed to think about her feelings, my working relationship with her, and where is currently.</p>

<p>Even though it&#39;s tough I think to about the awesome friendship I had with Sherri and how I wish it would never end, it&#39;s best that I let her decide where the friendship goes since the balls in her court. She&#39;s been through a tumultous life which I don&#39;t understand and that she needs to decide what&#39;s best for her. I will miss her and the times we had but it&#39;s the way it needs to be.</p>

[/quote]<br /><br />

2 Replies

I'm sorry you miss your friend, it's hard when life seems to drift us apart...your brother and cousin are right about the boundaries....her boyfriend has set them for her, and she also sounds like she's getting busy with's sad but it happens....friends come and go in our life....

1 like

I cant help but to think that your feelings for this woman are deeper than friendship. Maybe I’m reading deeper into this. If your feelings are that you would like to date this woman than make those feelings know. Put it out there in the universe. Stand your ground. If it doesn’t work out, than hey you did the best you could. Express your true feelings..

1 like

You may also like...