Still in the dumps : I’ve been in such... - Anxiety and Depre...

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Still in the dumps

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I’ve been in such a weird state recently. The thought of leaving the house sends my brain into a shock. I lay in bed all day, rarely moving. If someone talks to me or tries to get me to do something I get hostile. I just say mean shit, or raise my voice. It’s wrong and I feel so bad after I treat my family that way but it’s my brains reflex to keep everyone away so I don’t have to be guilted into going somewhere. I just panic and get hostile. I can’t make guy friends from where I live because practically everyone is too cocky and I get hostile when people treat others like they are worth less. A lot of people tell me I look mean and intimidating but I think it’s just because I’m a tall guy, idk, but I wish more people would approach me and start a conversation. The only person I’ve never been hostile to is my girlfriend, but even she can’t stand me. She thinks I have been cheating on her and the thought of seeing me repulses her. You know it just messes with my head that I’m being treated like a liar and I’m treated like nothing over something i never did. My girlfriend has a lot of mental issues like I do and usually I’m there for her and she’s here for me. She’s pretty much my rock. It’s like the world is kicking my ass and making me wallow in the fact my heads in the dirt. I know some things I’ve done seem really suspicious and strange and I can’t blame her for thinking something shady is going on but damn, all I’ve even done is sit in my room alone or sit in my room with her. I just don’t understand how to fix a mistake I never made.

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Hidden in reply to Hidden

Thanks man 😂

I just woke up after many hours of this weekend being slept away. The only place I feel safe from my thoughts & fears is asleep in bed. That also keeps me safe from experiencing new things or people to worry about. I’m 43 and just went on a leave of absence from my job, where it seems like my bosses are setting me up to fail with productivity standards that for some reason are never good enough (even when my numbers are higher than my coworkers- which only happened once, but now I know it’s personal and hopeless.). I thought I’d be eating healthy, excercising, pulling my confidence up out of the gutter while on this leave, but 2 weeks in, looks like I’m just hiding under the covers.

I am wondering if this situation with your girlfriend is because she doesn’t believe you’ve just been isolating in your room? Or did she see you talking to another girl? (Which of course you should be free to do, but I could just understand since many girls will pretend they just want to be friends w/ a guy, but if the opportunity presents itself, they’re all over him - so unfortunately many girls don’t trust other girls talking to their boyfriends). I want you to know that I won’t be insulted if you don’t want to answer my question and consider it to be nosey and out of line for me to ask in the first place. I’m not too swift when it comes to communicating with others, I don’t think. No matter what I hope things are getting better for you!

Sincerely,

Jules

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Hidden in reply to FeelingIncompetent

I understand how you’ve been feeling 100% but It became an issue with a girl I was friends with a while back, her and my girlfriend had got in an argument because my girlfriend felt that my friend was way to clingy and she flirted with me a lot which did happen but I didn’t really see it until it was pointed out. Anyways she ends up back on my social media’s and trying to get back in my life and it upset my girlfriend and she asked me to take her off so I told her i would but I forgot. Which I’m a forgetful person, it wasn’t a big deal to me so I didn’t really think it was that big of a deal but it became a whole problem and it’s just damn near too much stress on me. I’ve never done this girl wrong and I’ve only treated her the best I can.

I hate to say it, but there is just such a huge difference between men & women emotionally - I completely believe you just forgot, and as a female, I would have been waiting and watching for that social media door to be shut just so I could breath again! From past experience in my own life, I’d get myself all worked up over a situation like yours, and it probably wouldn’t have been easy for me to ask my boyfriend to “unfriend” the other girl, that once I did work up the courage to talk to him about it, I’d believe that the next steps my boyfriend took would be the deciding factor on whether or not he cared about me. If his response was “I forgot”, I’d lose my mind - probably more out of jealousy of the guys ability to forget about something that I was unable NOT to think about. (I’m not saying all girls emotions are as intense as mine were, I’ve been chronically depressed most of my life, low self esteem, drank a lot to numb the social anxiety, etc.)so I’m giving you the point of view of an extreme example of insecurity. I’m sure your gf isn’t that bad, but my point is that girls seem to have so many more emotions & stuff than guys. I’m still jealous of men for that ☺️ (I was advised to smoke weed - that it would make me more laid back, but it only made me extremely paranoid (& hungry).

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Hidden in reply to FeelingIncompetent

Yeah I understand what you mean by that, I feel really bad because it hurt her and the fact I forgot bothers her but It really slipped my mind. She had gotten so upset and angry and when she finally calmed down, I got distracted because she was loving on me again so the situation slipped my mind because I was getting positive attention yanno?

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Hidden in reply to Hidden

But yeah I had tried drinking to numb my extreme anxiety and depression and I ended up almost killing myself while drunk so I quit that pretty quick lmao but I did smoke for awhile but every time I would, I’d have really bad panic attacks and I wouldn’t be able to sleep

I definitely understand. I think things will settle down, she wouldn’t still be talking to you if she didn’t want to be with you. Being extra sweet, maybe calling just to tell her you’re thinking of her, wouldn’t make you “whipped” or anything. Those little things can really make a difference to a girl. I wish you both all the best ☺️

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Hidden in reply to FeelingIncompetent

Thank you so much :)!

Yes, drinking wise I wound up starting a stupid drug at 30 because it pulled me straight up out of an alcohol “blackout” the 1st time I tried it. I did that for 6 mos thinking I could learn to “control” my use, but wound up in rehab - thankfully I’m so grateful to be able to say I’ve been clean & sober for 12 and a half yrs. still working on fixing the issues I was self medicating w/ that crap to begin with. I’m so glad you quit (though sorry it took almost dying). You have so much time to figure this out, and things will definitely get better, you’re miles ahead of where I was at your age.

I want to clarify too that it was friends that said weed would help, not a doctor. I did ask my psych (who prescribes my medication) about medicinal marijuana recently and he said that it was just a myth that it treats depression. I know I’ll find the right combo of medication some day.

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Hidden in reply to FeelingIncompetent

I’m really glad to hear you’ve been clean for 12 years! That’s amazing, you’re doing great! Thank you so much, you’re extremely kind. I hope you are able to find the correct combination soon! I’m currently trying to find the right one also, it’s definitely a time consuming progress.

are you getting some sort of treatment for yourself? this sounds like severe depression. talk to your doctor and see about getting on some medicine- ask someone to take you to the doctor if you do not feel like it or don't have the energy (my husband still has to call and make appointments for me sometimes). have you tried explaining to your girlfriend that you are just going through a very bad phase right now and that you need all the help and support that you can get? i hope that you find someone that you can talk to about this too because talking always helps. praying for you

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Hidden in reply to EmLee96

Yes I go to therapy and I’m on anti depressants. I’ve been on them since I was 15. I’ve tried many different combinations and nothing has worked too well. It’s been a constant everyday struggle but I’m thankful to have the forums here to vent to. The doctor I see isn’t very good and doesn’t really give a shit about patients and their issues. She actually made me out to be stupid last time I went for a different medication and practically mocked me and it pissed my grandma off as well because she had to sit and listen to people mock my mental health. Thank you for the prayers

EmLee96
EmLee96 in reply to Hidden

Is there anyway you could get a new doctor?

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Hidden in reply to EmLee96

I believe there’s only one more doctor in my area but I haven’t tried going there so I may try and see the other doc and see what happens from there

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