I feel so trapped in my life.
I hate where I live and who I live with. This place is toxic and everyday just gets worse. So I’ve been trying to move out on my own but I hit a dead end. There are only two apartment buildings in my city that allow for people with disabilities- and I’ve been on their stupid waiting list for a year!
These two apartment buildings are awful. Their dirty and full of some really shady people but anything is better then staying here. But basically the apartment manager has told me I have to wait for someone to die- because since there are only two handicapped accessible buildings no one ever moves out. So basically I can’t work on making my life any better until someone else loses theirs.... lovely.
Transportation in my city is freaking awful as well. Basically I can’t leave the house for anything other then classes. The buses stop running by 5pm and have 0 weekend hours. So not only do I hate where I live but I can’t even escape and go somewhere just to waste a few hours. I feel so trapped.
On top of everything my main coping mechanism has been completely taken away. I used to spend all my time drawing and now I just can’t. Every time I try and draw something it just doesn’t feel right. It doesn’t look right. now it just ends up stressing me out more then helping.
Drawing was the one thing I was half way talented at. It was one of the few things I had any pride for.
And it’s worse then just art block- this has lasted for nearly two months.
I feel so trapped and hopeless.
Like it’s never going to get any better.
And a big part of me has just stopped caring. A part of my mind is always telling me to just give up and stop trying because trying has never gotten me anywhere but tired and frustrated.
This isn’t a very good way to introduce myself on here but...... oh well.
Ughhh , I wish I could do something
Wish I could turn back time
I wish somebody could help me
Wish I could say I'm doing better.
I’m just over feeling like this I just wish it would let up
