How do I forgive myself?

[RoamingCarolyn]

There is a beast that resides deep within me. I tells me horrible things, mean things and tortures me constantly.

The beast is my anxiety...

My beast tells me that I am insufficient. It tells me that I do not do enough chores and I need to do more. It tells me I should not have gone out of town without doing the dishes. It tells me I need to do all of the laundry and vacuuming, even though my legs are swollen and in agony (from veinous insufficiency/PAD). It tells me that I must keep going no matter the pain.

The Beast concocts stories that if I do not do these things, that my boyfriend will be mad at me. Or, worse, I will be mad at me.

I am a victim of my introverted mind and anxiety.

I punish myself. I make myself clean until I have caused myself personal harm. Worst still, the beast tempts me with the idea of cutting myself with a dull knife.

How do I stop punishing myself? How do I forgive myself for the things that have perceived to be a “problem” or “bad”? How do I defeat the “Beast” and move on with my life?

“These are not words, they're only feelings

There are no sounds that you can hear

There is no form that you can touch

There are no colors for you to see

The only sound is a distant thunder

A tempest rages so far away from me

I walked for miles and I started running

Towards the sound and storm where you might find me

Towards the sound and storm where you might find me....” Tempest by VNV Nation

[RoamingCarolyn]

Google images search for a "fire beast". He was my beast no question about it when I saw the picture.

[RoamingCarolyn]

Thanks ☺️ I have a blog too.. survivingmypain.blog/ if you're interested