This is just hard... ((rant))((new he... - Anxiety and Depre...

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This is just hard... ((rant))((new here))

Pandamoure profile image

I put this under Anxiety/Panic because that is my state in life. It's more about that than the actual phobia. :)

I have a therapist, I have a psychologist. I got prescribed benzos... which doesn't help the cause... I have all sort of anxiety, going out, people, stores, lots of stuff...but I can usually deal (though I have plopped down in stores and cried) but today we found out one of my cats has worms... Every year I try to garden, and once I see a worm I cant for the rest of the year. I keep trying. But this... this is on my clothes...little tiny worms of death. My rugs. My floors. I realize that they're not everywhere, and they're not scary... BUT THEY ARE AND HOLY CRAP WHAT THE ACTUAL HELL (excuse any bad language I may use)

Now, a few hours later, and a few benzos we have vacuumed, picked up any clothing, and determined I'm sleeping on the couch as the kitty likes the bed and avoid the area of the couch because it's claimed by another kitty (They aren't fans of each other.) but I'm still geeking somewhat because he's still walking and now my fiance is mad at me and frustrated even though he has a phobia of needles. It sucks.. I'm always supportive, while lightly pushing him and any progress he makes I'm all like YAY!!! He freaks out about other things... I've spent hours in the middle of the night talking him down... Yet, he's still mad and just doesn't get it which is making me feel even worse because I KNOW how foolish this is. Then got bitched at for trying to look for some sort of help and reading about it. I mean, if I can avoid one dose of benzos out of 10 thats an accomplishment! He just says nothing is going to help...yet yells when I cant magically help myself or get over whatever quickly enough for him (like I said, he has his own issues.) This sucks. This just sucks so bad.

Okay, I guess I more of needed a rant... its just frustrating... why can't he just TRY to be understanding or a little compassionate... he should be one of the first people to understand illogical fears....yelling at me is only gonna make it worse since I have so many other issues with anxiety and ptsd and all kinds of fun crap **sigh**

and I know he's worried and that's it's frustrating..if I could help it I WOULD... I just.. cant.

Rant done..

It's been nice seeing that I'm not alone though because I feel so very alone right now... So thank you for that.

3 Replies

I'm sorry you're dealing will all this! sounds like maybe I can relate a little to some of what you're saying maybe? -the anxieties and worries and people in your life that have their own issues but want to blame you or make you feel bad for yours when what you really need is support help and love from them! it's a tough spot because you probably love them and sounds like you've wanted & really tried to be supportive of them help them get better but they don't want to do the same for you! Am I understanding correctly what you meant?? I knw that's how I've felt at times😖

I re read again what you wrote and it really sounds like your boyfriend has his own issues he's dealing with if he's yelling at you I've experienced a similar thing and it's hard to make sense of it for me ?- loved ones who know you are dealing with depression & or anxiety -you know they are aware of it and that you need support and care but they do the opposite and make it worse!!

I completely understand. I've struggled with this also. It took me years to work up the courage to tell my husband how it made me feel because I was afraid he would decide it was easier to leave like every other failed relationship (which is totally irrational because I trust that he loves me enough to stick by me through anything otherwise I wouldn't be in a relationship with him). As soon as I told him how terrible it made me feel, he explained that he was trying to make me feel better by teasing me because he didn't know what else he could do to help. All I had to say after that was that I needed him to just be there, let me get through it, and sometimes all it takes is for him to just acknowledge the effort I make to deal with it and reassure me that we will get to the other side of whatever I am facing. Now when I have an anxiety moment, he wraps me up in his arms and he says it's going to be okay. He was trying to support me, he just didn't know what it was I needed from him. I hope that makes sense and it helps.

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