Happy Easter and wanting to be alone

[GemBec]

I decided yesterday that I wanted to spend the day by myself. I feel lonely yet I wanted to be alone. I didn't want to leave my house and visit. I didn't want company either. I often feel confused about having anxiety over leaving my house to do new things and wanting to not be alone. Sounds crazy I know but that's how I feel. I have been avoiding doing things outside my house because this is my safe place. I often don't want anyone boyfriend, family or friends here either. How can I be lonely yet only want to be alone?

[ShellW18]

I can relate to this. I'm not sure if your reasons for wanting to be alone are the same as mine. I find that being around people does not make my loneliness better. In fact being with people can make my feel even more alone, as I feel disconnected from people. Being on my own allows me to be with my own thoughts and almost energises me or recharges my batterys. Where as being with others drains me.

[GemBec in reply to ShellW18]

Yes, this is part of it. I often feel I am so busy caring for others that sometimes being alone allows me time to take care of me. To just do whatever I want, how I want and with no conversation about it. I too often feel a bit disconnected from people. An example I had a luau party this summer with friends and I had a panic attack right in the middle of the party. I didn't feel like I wanted to be around anyone and I just wanted everyone to leave. I, of course, could not say this so I think the panic attack came on. Everyone was drinking, I don't drink, and having a blast and all I wanted to do was go in my room and be alone. I have no answer other than when I am alone I feel comfortable. I don't have to be anything other than just me. Thanks for letting me know I am not alone. Recharging yourself is a thing everyone needs to do. It's very healthy I think to be alone sometimes. I just hope it doesn't become a problem where I isolate myself.

[Beanerkins]

I understand I feel the same way.

After traumatic events of the past home becomes a safe place for me. Going out I fight through unconscious ptsd triggers that my therapist said can be smells, sight, noise, etc.

It’s hard to get out sometimes I take a Xanax and then I feel better that I went out and spent time with people. Right now I am home and feel safe and don’t want to go out.

I go to therapy twice a week and I am working on childhood trauma.

My therapist said I have severe childhood trauma and complex ptsd.

Presently she has me working on a written trauma line from birth to present

Where I draw a long straight line on many papers and write the traumas that have occurred over my lifetime so I can organize them and get a sense of mastery over them.

I hope my story helps you to feel there are countless numbers of people like us and we are all this way for validating reason. Bless your beautiful soul 😇

[GemBec in reply to Beanerkins]

Yes, thank you for sharing. I too take Xanax as needed. I hate relying on medication but often if I don't take the Xanax I have to literally get in the shower, my other safe place, and just stay in there as long as I can. I had been going to therapy every other week and then my therapist quit. I am now on a waiting list for a new therapist which has caused a lot of anxiety.

I too have had some situations that my therapist says has caused me some trama. I write in a journal and try to mindful meditation but it doesn't always help.

I wish us both luck on being able to continue to go out and live a healthy and happy life.

[Beanerkins in reply to GemBec]

Thank you

My therapist has me doing a trauma line writing out all my traumas on a long straight line. It helps to organize emotionally and get perspective though it is not easy to do. I was so stressed writing ✍️ about one trauma a cold sore started!

[gogogirl]

Sounds like you feel safe in your home which is good, and the best part is you're being authentic. Anyway- just a little "two cents"