Anxiety and Depression Support
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Loneliness is Crippling me

I haven’t written in a while..I just don’t know how I’m going to survive without my husband. I love him beyond words. He told me a few weeks ago that he wanted a divorce and doesn’t love me anymore. We’ve been married 29 years this year. He says he hates his life. He’s been distant for 2 years..with everyone. I’m visiting my son for awhile at the urging of my therapist and Dr..It’s beautiful here and freezing where I live. But I can’t go anywhere, do anything without wanting to share with my husband who was always my best friend too..God help me, I don’t know what to do..I just keep praying for a miracle...😱😭

13 Replies
oldestnewest

Is your husband going through some sort of mid life crisis? Would marriage counseling be of any assistance?

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I don’t know, he’s so down all the time..It’s the first time in our relationship that we can’t talk..I’ve tried so many different ways and asked him if he’d try counseling, before it was, counseling won’t help me, he’d say..now..he just says he’s done, doesn’t want to try😳These words hurt so incredibly bad...

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I understand how you feel. It takes an awful lot of time for this kind of pain to begin to let up. I know how helpless you feel when your heart is missing. I have spent a lot of time in this lonely place.

I know the things I am about to suggest will in all likelihood seem like very little medicine indeed, but sadly, in my experience, it is all that can be done.

1- Make plans and do your best to follow through. Grief group on such and such day(s), dinner with so and so on some evening, go for a walk for at least 20 minutes Monday, Wednesday, Friday, museum trip on Tuesday and so forth.

2- Do NOT be hard on yourself with negative self-talk and putting yourself down.

3- When possible, start setting time aside several times a week to actually ACTIVELY grieve the loss of your marriage. Look at old pictures. Cry. Wail and scream and shout. If you can make a point of actually allowing yourself the time you need and deserve to really feel what is hurting your heart, then the time will come much sooner when these feeling will start to become less and less likely to ambush you unexpectedly at times when you are enjoying something enjoyable in life.

That's it. It may not seem like a lot, but in my experience, these have proven to be the most basic and valuable tools in working through grief. Besides, who needs a list a mile long when it feels like your head is in the kitchen, your belly is in the bathroom, and your feet are in the bedroom?

I'm here for you, as are so many others. You can get through this. Just take small steps.

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Thank you so much old-soul. I will try some of your suggestions. The one about grieving, I do everyday...I lived & breathed my husband for 30 years..I still and will always Love him.

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I know your pain. I've been there. I got through it with the help of a support group. It was the local chapter of a group called New Beginnings and met in a church. If you don't have a group like that where you are, you'll get a lot of great support here! It's been 20 years now. I would've benefited by this group back then (when I was first diagnosed with depression and at my lowest point). Looking back I realize I'm less lonely now than I was when I was married.

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Thank you Cathy63. I will look into these groups when I get home..You’re so right about the great support here..I’m just a 57 yr old woman who loves, needs and wants her husband..I can’t fathom my life without him💔

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I wonder also if your husband is going through a midlife crisis ? Did something happen to trigger this in him?

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Im not sure, 2 years ago we were suppose to sell our home and move..when the house was on the market, with little to no interest, my husband said he didn’t want to move..I was shocked..but I still understood..That was when he changed towards me..got distant..I tried to reach out and talk to him..all I’d get is I’m sorry and I have to work this out for myself💔

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Hi there yes he sounds depressed himself like he really needs counseling but you can lead a horse to water but you can’t make him drink!!! My heart goes out to you so great to see you reaching out on here and to see all the loving replies you have received x x

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Thank you gilip. I’m in agonizing pain every single day..I have to fight with everything in me not to let it show every second. Until I came to this site..I had no idea so many people were struggling to live...I so feel for everyone of you..I myself am so lost and scared without my husband’s love & caring..I pray we all find peace some day..I just want to be loved..like I thought I was..I know what you mean about leading a horse to water..I’ve tried to talk and offer suggestions..he’s just been so shut down for over 2 years..just going thru the motions..gilip, I hope you are finding some peace with your struggles. Thank you again for your kindness. I do appreciate all the loving replies I’ve gotten..As scary as the world seems now..the replies make it a little less scary..

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Yeah life feels scarey at times

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I'm very sorry you are feeling so sad. After 29 years together it must feel like losing a part of yourself. People have told me that going through a divorce is more difficult than losing a spouse to death. I believe it. Divorce made me think of all the failures I had in myself and my relationship, blaming myself.

I hope you continue to reach out. I care about how you feel.

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Aww, Thank you so much..It is a good portion of my life I must put away..somehow. I’m making small strides, baby steps if you will trying to move forward, but still have the divorce ahead of me. I try every day NOT to feel like a failure...but I guess it’s a process like the rest of it. I’m so sorry for your pain as well :-(. How long were you married? I hope you’re doing much better now...Thank you again for your kind words & caring🤗

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