First time I have done something like this

[MJLove79]

I need an outlet. I am scared, tired, sad, guilty, afraid, anxious and I am not comfortable or have the time to relate this to someone in my circle. I took my 67 year old mother on to live with me 18 months ago when my stepdad got sick and couldn't take care of himself, let alone her. He has since recovered enough that he can drive and take himself to the doctor. To say it has been a strain to have my mother in my home would be true. My husband has been outwardly supportive but I know internally it drives him nuts. Well, I made the decision to have my mom move back in with my stepdad and today was the day she left our home. I feel so guilty, sad, somewhat relieved but not much and know I can't take care of her full time. I am sick today and am FAT and I am just at my wits end. This post really doesn't make much sense because I am just so scattered. I have got to get it together! Any tips for dealing with all these feelings at once?

[MandyBueno]

Hello! Feeling guilty won't help you with this, it will only make you even more sick! I am sure your mother understands that you have got your own Life and business, but it doesn't mean you abandoned her, you just gave her the necessary support. If this situation is somewhow disturbing you, i'd advice you to talk to your mom, let her know you feel sorry for letting her go, but still happy that your stepdad recovered. Being busy and minding your own stuff doesn't make you a terrible daughter, but an independent woman who got her stuff well put together. Don't let this feeling consume you. Ps: invite momma for a dinner, i bet it will cause an amazing impression

[MJLove79 in reply to MandyBueno]

Thank you Mandy! I know you are right, it's just in this moment it's so very hard. I hope she will understand in the long run as it is impossible for me to do it all. Thank you so much for your suggestions, I will have to talk with her seriously and let her know that I am doing this as much for her and I am for me. Thanks for replying...the feedback and support is so helpful. I am so glad I found this site.

[Agora1]

I certainly understand the emotional strain in taking in a parent for 18 months. I give you credit for putting your own issues aside for that amount of time. I can hear your emotions all over the place, I thought maybe I missed something and so I re-read your post. Feeling guilty, sad, somewhat relieved, sick today and FAT??? Where did that come from ?

You need to give yourself some breathing space for a while. It doesn't mean you don't love your mother and that you are sending her to the wolves. But unless you take care of yourself, you cannot be there for her needs as they arise.

I remember my aunt who had 4 adult children say to my mom, "it's funny how I took care of 4 children but 4 children can't take care of me" She was in a nursing home which means full time care needed. When my mother got to the point of not being able to live alone anymore, it was her choice to go to an Assisted Living Facility. Oh I felt the guilt, sadness, afraid etc. I was raising my adopted daughter at the time when my mother went into Asst Living. I was running back and forth thinking I could do the impossible until anxiety got a hold of me and I became Agoraphobic for 5 years. I had all I could do to get to my mother's funeral.

Take care of your mother with phone calls and visits and little surprise lunches or gifts. Dealing with anxiety is a full time job in itself. Starting today, use this time for a respite, spend some quality time with your husband who really deserves credit in supporting you these last 18 months.

Take a breath....regenerate and get yourself back to your own life. If even for a little while. You did good and any mother would be proud to have you for a daughter. x

[MJLove79 in reply to Agora1]

Thank you, thank you, thank you! Your words reverberate through and through. I appreciate hearing your experience with your mom and how that made you feel. It is comforting (and I guess sad at the same time) that others completely get how it can make you feel. Life is so tough sometimes! Thank you so much for taking the time to reply, it has provided me some comfort during this time.

[erin_c]

Thanks for sharing, and welcome! You're not alone. Hang in there, and if possible maybe you can explore meeting with a psychiatrist and considering medication to help you through this rough patch? Not sure if you are already there but that has helped me greatly in my path especially when challenging life circumstances have to be dealt with.

Ps: you're not fat, just full figured and curvey! Speak to yourself with kind language. And this is coming from a fashion stylist who helps Women around the world in brace themselves exactly as they are.

[old-soul]

If you felt perfectly contented and happy during this difficult transition, I WOULD think there was something truely wrong with you. Everything you expressed sounds like perfectly normal emotions to me.

Be gentle with yourself, and don't hesitate to remind yourself, ANYONE who has any heart at all would be struggling right now if they were in your shoes. Make sure to embrace the moments where you feel okay, are able to crack a little smile, or maybe even a good laugh. Take in the wonders of a beautiful sunset, a pretty bird on you window sill, or any of the other thousands of wonders of nature. You need those moments, and they mean nothing unless you notice them.

You'll be okay. These feeling you have now will not just vanish, but they will fade.

[hypercat54]

Hi having been through elderly parents needing care and having to put my mother in a care home I came to the inescapable truth that whatever you do you end up feeling guilty. This goes with the territory I'm afraid. You are damned if you do and damned if you don't.

I greatly admire you taking your mother in even though it was too much for you so well done and give yourself a pat on the back. Even the thought of taking my mother in would have made me shake uncontrollably and sent me running for the hills! x