The waiting game

[Aorli]

So I have an issue with waiting for stuff. Was wondering if anyone had this problem and had some advice. When I'm waiting in line, or at a restaurant waiting for food, or in a waiting room or office my anxiety goes into overdrive. I'm always in a rush to get out of places and feel okay. Does anyone else deal with this and how do you cope?

[mo9012]

I have this! I thought I was different for this so I’m glad I’m not alone here. Waiting rooms are the absolute worst for me. The only thing that helps me is to force myself into uncomfortable situations where I have to wait (showing up five minutes early to the docs so I have to sit, etc) which sounds awful and it is, but it’s been working for me. Facing the anxiety head-on without running out of the room or giving in is what makes the anxiety better the next time.

[Aorli in reply to mo9012]

It is an awful feeling that's the same for me. I know i have to be there so it's easier to deal with i just sit through it. But if I can avoid it I will like for getting hair cut knowing I don't really have to i hate sitting there knowing I have to sit there until they're done makes me really anxious. But going some places on my own when I'm in control of the situation helps me not feel anxious.

[mo9012 in reply to Aorli]

Do you drive yourself places? It might be an odd question but I have so many problems when I’m not the one driving because I feel like I’m just waiting to arrive somewhere instead of getting there myself.

[Aorli in reply to mo9012]

Yes that is exactly how I feel! I won't let anyone drive because I go into panic mode. Same with going places to eat I have to go somewhere I'm comfortable and get to choose where I sit.

[mo9012 in reply to Aorli]

Me too! Although I’m not glad we both have to go through this, I am glad we aren’t alone.

[Aorli in reply to mo9012]

Same it's rough and I always thought I was just really crazy because my husband and daughter are so stable it's hard feeling like such a mess.

[mo9012 in reply to Aorli]

It’s okay! Those who love you will let you do what you need to do to feel safe. We may be a mess but we’re still worthy and lovable.

[Aorli in reply to mo9012]

So true I'm glad I have many people who understand and support me trying to get through it. Sometimes it makes me sad seeing everyone around me not afraid of life and living and here is me not being able to relax always tense and freaking out if I'm out of my comfort zone

[mo9012 in reply to Aorli]

I understand that too. Message me if you need any support or just want to talk about it!

[Aorli in reply to mo9012]

Thank you much

[old-soul in reply to mo9012]

I actually find that practicing, "doing nothing," for just 5 or even 10 minutes at a time, right at HOME to be a challenge! I think it's good practice though, truth be told.

I actually got this suggestion from a rather unexpected source. It turns out that LOTS of people find it very challenging to do. Who knew?

So, yeah, I REALLY like your suggestion. I actually need to practice that right now, as a matter of fact. It's been a while since I've thought to do this, and my "patience muscle" could probably use the exercise.

I sure hope our original poster (OP) limes it too.

[Francesca61]

Hi, I have this too and in fact it happened late this afternoon. I dropped my daughter off for chemistry tutoring and waiting for one hour was torture. Some days, anxiety is really hard to fight and deal with.

[Aorli in reply to Francesca61]

That's miserable. I'm worried that o won't be able to relax and enjoy anything outside of my house that I'm not comfortable with already. And I don't want to not do things with my husband and daughter because I'm afraid of my symptoms.

[Francesca61 in reply to Aorli]

You and I sound so much alike! I avoid going out with my husband and kids too sometimes cause it takes so much effort to remain calm. I'm afraid of my symptoms too. That's what we do wrong though. It just reinforces the problem we have. We have to accept the way we feel and tell ourselves we're healthy but just have an over active nervous system. I have this when I'm already tired and stressed but have to keep going. It's not all the time but when it does happen I get kind of depressed for a while longing for the past where I was the one who planned day trips etc. I have two sisters who can do anything they want, travel etc.which gets to me sometimes. I know we shouldn't compare ourselves to others but how can we not? Well I'm the nicest sister🤣 I have a CD of Dr. Claire Weekes that I recommend to you. She helps us to realize we're going to be ok in a very reassuring and calming voice. We do need to rest more and have alone time that's for sure, or we get overwhelmed. Hope you have a good day!

[Aorli in reply to Francesca61]

Yes we are very alike. It's so hard to see everyone around me living life with no fear. We are going on our valentines lunch date tomorrow so I hope I do okay. I am the same way missing the past me who could do anything with confidence. Like how could we go from that to this

[Francesca61]

I know, I wonder that too. It can't go on forever though. I really hope you have fun tomorrow for your lunch date. Relax at home before you go. I'm getting a haircut next week and I anticipate getting all antsy in the chair. I start shallow breathing and all that fun stuff. Sounds so stupid and it makes me angry!! I can't even relax if I were to get a massage which is to relax us! Well I feel frustrated today so I could go on forever! So now I'll say, Enjoy your weekend as best you can 😊

[Aorli in reply to Francesca61]

That's what my husband says that it's only temporary and it will get better over time. I'm so happy he's so supportive and doesn't get upset about it. I will try. We will be in town at a familiar place so hoping that helps. Being by a window helps too. And I am the same way getting my hair cut. I get all clammy and nauseous having to sit still. A friend of mine offered to come to my house and cut it since she just got her license so very happy about that. I hope you enjoy you're weekend as well

[Francesca61 in reply to Aorli]

It definitely helps when your husband and others are supportive. Sometimes I feel so alone in it, but this forum helps so much cause we have the same problems. My husband is mostly supportive but other times makes comments like "you're weak" or "grow up"! That hurts and doesn't help at all. Only someone going through it would know it has nothing to do with being weak! That's a great idea about the home haircut. I'll look into that!

[Aorli in reply to Francesca61]

Yes it does help. But it's so hard to let them down like today. We were supposed to go to eat and I said to just order in because the anxiety flared up and I couldn't bring myself to go. My counselor recommended baby steps to take myself to get used to not feeling anxious about going places like that. I have mastered going to the grocery store but just can't do the restuarnt scene. I know that he tells me there's nothing I can do about it but it hurts bad when it's me making us not go places. I'm just so disappointed in myself. And I don't know how to handle it.

[Francesca61 in reply to Aorli]

Hi, oh I feel bad for you but we really sound like one and the same. We feel guilty too much !! We live in the country an hr away from Toronto and they're going without me. I feel bad with my two girls looking at me funny wondering when I'll be myself again. It's the anticipation that builds up and we get fearful and then feel like so much energy is needed to fight it so I avoid it sometimes. We can pm each other when needed cause over time I know we will get over this by talking it out. I know two of my cousins deal with anxiety too so it is genetic as well and we're more sensitive people. Do you have family who has this issue too? Try not to think about it and don't put yourself down today. I think of others who have worse things to deal with in life. But we only have one life and we want to live it, right!?

[Aorli in reply to Francesca61]

Pmed you

[Forestina in reply to Francesca61]

I could have written all these posts too. Made myself go and buy groceries and the queue wasn't even that long and it still set me off. Then driving home a queue of four cars waiting to turn at a junction and that set me off.

Was hoping to go back to tutoring next week but driving in the rush hour will be exhausting and then to have to teach on top of that. As a consequence I have been stressed for the rest of the day. It is so frustrating. I am continually trying and it doesn't get any better. It just shows me what a long way I have to go. Feel angry and scared.

Let's hope there are better times ahead for both of us.

[Aorli in reply to Forestina]

Sounds awful I always think back to the days when literally nothing would bother me I never worried about anything didn't deal with this anxiety and wham it just happened and now it seems to never end. I have come a long way with it all but days like these are hard when I feel sick to my stomach and it causes my anxiety to flare and my acid indigestion to get worse.

[Forestina in reply to Aorli]

Yes indeed, it can make you sad. Up until October I was doing so so much. Then I had a urinary tract infection followed by antibiotics which caused stomach issues and nausea. I can see the fear of not being in control started here. I have tried so hard with the eating and for the last week have managed safe but boring food. Having only been eating , about 600 calories I have upped it to nearly 1500 as I aS scared lack of food was making me jittery and I feared fainting etc

I can see now that one fear is immediately taken over by another. Whether more thinking time doesn't help I don't know. I have tried diving out of the door and that doesn't help. Teaching will be a nightmare as I have to commit to a certain time and can't be a gibbering wreck and more depressingly delaying it again till after Easter is no guarantee of feeling better and/ or I could be left with no job at all which would be more anxiety inducing.

I can see all too clearly the problem of being trapped, the hairdressers, the dentist and even a doctor's waiting room are insurmountable hurdles and then you hate yourself for giving in.

In 2012 I was a different person, moving to a part of the country on my own to start a new life. I so want that person back

Thank you so much for replying. I am so sorry you are suffering but there is comfort that we are not alone in this hard battle.

Have you found anything at all works? Recently I have found myself sleeping better and it is an escape until .........

Please may things improve for you soon.

[Aorli in reply to Forestina]

That's kind of where mine flared up too I was working and was sick a lot and had my daughter in daycare at the time and we both got sick so much which made me stress about my job and it seems it started there with me hating being in meetings for even 30 minutes and then I kept getting sick hated feeling trapped there had to always go home. Now I'm a stay at home mom which has at lasted helped that. I used to have panic attacks even at home which doesn't happen anymore. I used to have them at stores I've gotten over that. I know I can do this just takes time. Breathing helps knowing that it won't last forever helps. Grounding helps haven't practiced that much yet but want to. Also I'm sure meditation helps want to try that too. I went to counseling that's helps to get some advice too she told me to take baby steps when it comes to going places that make me anxious I don't mind going places when I'm in control like me driving, picking the places, sitting where I want that sort of thing I like to be able to come and go as I please.

[Forestina in reply to Aorli]

You are a very brave lady. One of the pupil's parents has sensed what is wrong and I also feel she has first hand experience as she has used the words "baby steps" in several of her texts. She us a lovely lady but I mustn't abuse her understanding. I have given all the parents an option of going elsewhere but none have wanted to, but again people can't wait forever and there has to be a deadline at some stage.

I shall just have to take a day at a time.

Glad you get some comfort in the home environment. Mid afternoons are bad when I feel trapped, ironic really when I am trapping myself.

It is truly a horrible way to be.

[Aorli in reply to Forestina]

That's how I feel too that it just won't get any better it's a horrible feeling knowing everyone around you is "Okay" and "normal" just loving their lives and then you just feel panic ridden. I hope you find something that will help you. My brother keeps telling me I should go on meds but I hate the idea of feeling "normal" just because the meds are doing it. I keep reminding myself how far i have come on my own. My daughters 2nd Birthday party is next month at my husband's mom's house like last year I did okay last year and I know I'll be really anxious but I need to be there.

[Forestina in reply to Aorli]

I think you will manage. What a special day you have coming! I have resisted meds as so many have nausea as a side effect in addition that at some stage you have to come off them.

It would be lovely to keep in touch and let me know how you are doing if you feel able.

[Aorli in reply to Forestina]

Same I know I can get through it knowing that I don't want to be this way anymore for myself and my family. I want to enjoy life with them not fear it. Absolutely keep in touch let me know how teaching goes too. Talk anytime.

[Forestina in reply to Aorli]

Thank you. Feeling very jittery this morning. Think I will try one client who is very near on Thursday

Enjoy your day and it would be lovely to keep on touch letting me know how you are getting on.

[Aorli in reply to Forestina]

There you go baby steps good luck

[fauxartist]

you can always play some game apps on your phone to take your mind off the waiting.

[Aorli in reply to fauxartist]

Very true. It helps distract your mind from how you're feeling

[Forestina]

You too !