Desperately looking for someone to talk to

[Madhu_14]

Hey! I am new here. I am from India, living in Germany for nearly five years now. I was diagnosed with depression few years back, I was having suicidal thoughts so I was hospitalized for few weeks and was prescribed antidepressants till last year. I am on psychotherapy as well, until now. I have been having suicidal thoughts since I was a teenager. Now, I am far away from family, I am single and I have no friends here. I literally don't have a single person to even grab a coffee with. I go to work, come home and cry myself to sleep, the days just go by like this. I hurt myself whenever I am very down and couldn't handle my emotional pain, I have been doing this ever since I was a teenager. My parents and family back home doesn't know about my problem, it is cultural they just think I am being over sensitive and dramatic. I tired online app for friend finder and even dating but it all ended in vain. I just hate myself just more and more as days go. I feel like I can't live my life like this and I just want to just get out of this. I am really fighting with my suicidal thoughts.

I joined this community to talk to someone who would understand how I feel.

[Jamie2018]

When I was going through a rough time the thought of swallowing pills crossed my mind just to ease the pain I really didn't want to due at all but the pain was so severe the only way I felt to make it stop was to end my life. It scared me so much that I was thinking like that I called my counsellor told her what I thought and she told me to go to the hospital. They gave me a stronger anti anxiety med and I felt somewhat better and no longer suicidal. I was there a few hours and they let me come home. I was already on anti depressants for a few weeks just waiting for them to start working but the pain was unbearable. I finally got better but man was it rough. I hope you can find the help you need and start feeling better.

[Madhu_14 in reply to Jamie2018]

Thank you for your reply! I joined this group to feel I am not alone in this. Actually, it scares me too! I totally understand how you feel, I am with you. Whenever I am in too much pain and get such feelings, I try to walk out in the cold to get some fresh air to clear my head or take cold showers.

With my doctor, I am stuck in an helpless situation. The paper work in this country is little crazy, so I am waiting for 2 months now for my insurance to extend my therapy.

[Carly58]

I can certainly appreciate what you are going thru. I’ve been depressed for months now and live in this stupid tiny town and have barely any friends as well. My husband know I am depressed but just doesn’t understand. I do know what daily pain and depression feel like. I’m thinking of you and hope you can get thru this.

[Madhu_14 in reply to Carly58]

I am grateful and I really appreciate your reply. And I can so understand being in a small city, not much happening or not much ways to meet new people. Even my best friend from back home doesn't understand what I am going through. I think they just can't relate to our depression. And thank you for your wishes, I hope for the best for you too!

[catcha]

Hi all of you, is there a me too hashtag for this? Just trying so hard to get out of my head, and my favorite thing to do, reading, is like a drug that keeps me in bed. I have to get out of this, out of my house, and find a job so my three kids will have a working mom again. I wish I could make myself exercise, eat right and cook, and all the time I don't I feel even worse about myself. best everyone

[Choccymilk0807]

These were my exact feelings last night as I cried myself to sleep praying to god that he would send me somebody to talk to or to tell my feelings to. I feel like I have no one, my family knows and they try to understand but I do think they understand how serious it is. They think I’m going through a “hard time” lol yeah this is definitely just a hard time. I also don’t even have anyone to even grab coffee with etc. I’ve been trying to distract myself with art and doing creative things but that won’t stop crying myself to sleep. Anyways, I just wanted you to know how I feel and that someone else understands. I you need/want to talk or even just be online buddies let me know. How is Germany? I’ve always wanted to go. Sending you love

[Jake79 in reply to Choccymilk0807]

Hey there I suffer from panic attacks and I realised that it would be better to talk to someone to ease the anxiety.