My life will never change

[1996BLONDIE0407]

I feel like I’m trapped and made alll the wrong decisions I’m tired of my life nothing will ever change I’m abused women I can never relax I don’t feel good I always have anxcity and regret of everything and everyone in my life I want my life I deserve to live and think and pay and live for me I’m tired of being scared messed with my head tresated like trash I’m tired of working like escort it’s like there’s no way out I make a lot a lot of money everyday I lost my life my friend family and my stuff my dignity my everything I’m tired of thinking I’m crazy my stomach hurt clenchs and never stops days and days months months if I don’t have any money after 4 years it’s crazy it’s like I give myself away while u play with my head u make me think u love me u bought me a ring but is it with my money I don’t know ur excuse is u don’t like that I work but the 4 years I world it should been for a reason I feel like a slavr I don’t feel like I matter low of the low

[Crazy-K]

I'm so sorry you are feeling that way. I feel like I am trapped in the relationship I am in as well. It's such a crappy feeling, like you're just stuck somewhere you don't want to be and wondering how to get out. I'm currently trying to figure that out myself.

Every relationship I have ever had has been with abusive men. The one I'm with now doesn't get physical but can be very mentally and emotionally abusive. I lost pretty much everything I had trying to help him when he got into heroin.

Now he's clean and has a really good job that I helped him get. He has a new car. Meanwhile I had my car repossessed when he was doing the heroin because he was wasting my money on dope and I got behind on it.

I quit working because I didn't and still don't trust him to be home with my son without me there. I always worry what will go on if I'm not around to stop it. My anxiety has gotten so bad I can't even make it through an interview. I literally get so nervous/anxious and spend the whole night before and ​trying to get ready for an interview sweating​ and shaking and stomach pain. It's so bad that I literally will start throwing up. I don't know how I'm going to get a job but I have to figure it out.

The family that I do have barely talks to me anymore. I know it's because they don't want to hear about my problems. I have always been the one with problems that everyone is just sick of.

I know how it is feeling helpless and worthless, and as though you don't matter. I promise you though that you are important and you do matter! Your life is important and you are here for a reason.

I don't know what my reason is right now myself, but I try to tell myself there has to be one. Life is important and precious, we can't just be here to feel miserable forever. Try to keep your head up and remind yourself of all of your good qualities. I'm sure you are a good and caring person. I'm sure there are many more good qualities about you than bad. It's really hard though when the person you love makes you feel so bad. Just do your best. Sorry for writing so much, I have a problem with rambling on and on. If you ever need someone to talk to just send me a message. I hope we both get into a better situation soon and I hope your days get better. (Hugs)