Why do I want to be left alone?

[Aliftimago]

Been trying to figure out why I can't stand to be around anyone anymore. I mean I love my family and they are just trying to help through this and it just upsets me that they won't just let me be alone. ... maybe my three attempted suicides have a lot to do with that but I know I'm not going to try that again.... something and someone tends to save me from that fate....I just want to be left alone and be lonely.... what's so wrong with being alone? I like being alone. I know it sounds ridiculous and no one wants to be alone but I do I just can't be in the eyes of family due the history of it all. But I can't talk to them I can't talk to anyone cause everyone has all the answers but they don't have them for me. Get over it, and move on. Yeah just easier said than done. I wish I had amnesia to just forget everything so I could move on. I'm tired of it all. Tired of thinking. Tired of asking. Tired of doing. Tired of hurting. Tired of being tired all the time. I want real help with this. I'm ready to move forward. But my tired shit won't let me.why can't I look sad or pissed off once in a while? Why can't I just cry alone? I don't want an answer to all my questions. I just want to be left alone to cry it all out n when I am done I can smile again pretending it's all ok again. It's the best I can do for now. Dam depression really sucks....I can't do this alone anymore. I'm fading on the inside and everyone cares too dam much to let me go and not enough to properly help. Too bad suicide is not an option.

[MinhHo123]

Don’t isolate yourself. Panic attacks become panic disorder when our lives changes because of those fears. I have been suffering for the last three years and have just recently sought help. Looking back, I realized that I have isolated myself from everyone too and that has negatively added to my despair. I feel like a hermit most days and that has to stop. I realize now that having a strong support system, whether I want it or not will help me heal. I have decide this week to make a strong effort to rebuild fellowship and bonds with those around me. Baby steps. Hoping telephone conservations with my sisters will help. Then maybe have sit down dinners. I have also lost all of my friends because of my negativity changed attitude and I want fix that. Being in my room under the covers feels safe, but I need to heal myself. Wishing you the best.

[Aliftimago in reply to MinhHo123]

You think so? Your right....it takes time to push people away. I don't know maybe I'm just feeling hopeless for now...I wish there was a way to stay hidden under the covers. But thank you I know you will rebuild your family relationships back up and get back on track. Good luck to you.