Why does it take loosing almost everything to snap me out of numbness?

[EduardoHors3]

Man it feels so long since I've been here. This place I remember now is my safe haven. This place is where I can talk about anything and share my thoughts and ideas. This place is a shadow of the reality that I'm craving for. There's no better feeling than a deep conversation with a friendly human being. The death of the ego is a state of mind that I've reached before. I've been able to surpass all my negative thoughts and I've been close to just being the real me. BUT things go full circle and I've fallen into old patterns. In the past months I've fallen into depression and numbness. I stopped seeking help and change. I stopped growing. I stopped trying. I began to focus on compulsive behavior and hiding from the people that care about me. I stopped dreaming and experiencing real life. I deprived myself from the most simple yet most valuable aspects of life. It always takes almost loosing everything to snap me out of comatose. I hate where I am right now. I want to go back to younger dreams and real aspirations. I no longer want to wake up reliving the same day and the same routine. Where I am right now is a scary place because I can see all the things that I could've been but haven't been. I am scared to not live my life at its best. I am aware of time and I know I've let too much slip away. Am I the only who feels this way?

[Wayno84]

Hey EduardoHors3

Sorry to hear about your relapse into depression. Can you identify any triggers that may have caused you to slip back into this mentality, or has it been a gradual decline? I'm not sure how old you are but I think that you prob still do have the time to realise and fulfil your dreams. It can feel daunting but for me, the hardest things are making the first step to change. Are you able to start to making the first steps required to go back to the place you were in when you remember being most happy?

I have recently had to change my lifestyle as I was slipping into depression and anxiety. For me, a semi-healthy, active daily lifestyle is crucial for my general happiness. Bad food, drugs and excessive alcohol consumption have been eliminated for now and I will take it from there. I have certainly wasted time in my life but I am slowly getting better with that and I have finally started to progress to the next level after being stuck in a rut for a few years. It is not easy but I make a list of things that need to be done and try to chip away one thing at a time.

I hope you have some idea of what the first steps you need to take to get back to the place you were in. Sometimes the smallest change had had a big effect. I prefer talking with friends and exercise than medication. The endorphins that your body releases from exercise can be a nice way to start the day. Can you find time to do 15-30 exercise in the morning before work?

Good luck!

[EduardoHors3 in reply to Wayno84]

Thank you for the reply. I'm 22 almost going into 23. My depression is just one of many symptoms and triggers vary but they always have to do with blaming myself for what I can't do. I guess my main issue is just trying to live in the present and believing in myself, but my pessimistic introverted nature makes it hard. Yeah I do believe eating right and exercise will help me out in my journey. It's something I try to apply to my everyday life. Before I went downhill I was getting out of my shell and attempting to socialize and get help. And then I got tired and became resistant to change. My ego took over and made me believe I was better alone. Ever since Ive been numb and hurting. I came here to straighten myself out and continue where I left of. I want to make things right and challenge myself everyday and not be afraid to fail. It's going to take everything I have to take on this fight I'm fighting.

[Wayno84 in reply to EduardoHors3]

Sorry for the late reply, I have been very busy with work. How is it going? Has your depression improved? leaving your comfort zone is easier said than done. Lots of people don't get that. Trying to form healthy patterns can be helpful. I read a study that stated the pessimists are more intelligent than optimists. Interesting thought. Work out what makes you happy or less depressed and try and absorb that as much as possible.