Is treatment for depression a waste of time?

[phill81]

Basically i’m At the end of my tether. I’ve had enough of the pills, none seem to work for me and at best all they seem to do is envelope me in a grey cloud of apathy. I’ve tried getting talking therapy, but 3 x 6 week courses of CBT Just seems to have made me more aware of my problems. To quote one councillor “the problem is that you [meaning me] don’t have negative thoughts about yourself, you have negative beliefs.” Living in the UK means it’s next to impossible to get anything other than CBT and since this depression seems to be part of me, should I just accept it? Should I stop trying to fight it? Should I just realise that one day i’ll Work up the courage to end it all? Cause it seems that nothing else is going to change and that life is never going to be anything other than pain, misery and disappointment.

[Greenbooks82]

What kinds of things do you do to cope?

[phill81 in reply to Greenbooks82]

I used to drink, but obviously that wasn’t the best thing to do, so now... I read a bit I suppose, go to the cinema (alone obviously) occasionally. Other than that I just stew in my own thoughts.

[Greenbooks82 in reply to phill81]

Any local support groups? Maybe one you could do to regularly to meet people?

[phill81 in reply to Greenbooks82]

I think that there might be some, but i haven't really looked. I feel such a fraud at times, it's not like there's anything really wrong with my life. I just know that i seem to be an unlikable, miserable idiot. I'm sure they wouldn't want me around...

[Lostjoy]

I feel like I could have written this post. You described me exactly. I’m tired of spending money to try and get well when nothing has helped.

I live in the US, and do not have health insurance because I cannot afford the premium. I have tried to just accept that I have the anxiety. Every night I go to sleep with hope that I will wake up the next morning feeling like my old self again but that day hasn’t came yet.

[DragonTears]

Hi Phil, I hear you, but don't give up on yourself just yet. Can I hazard a guess that the 81 in your alias is a birth year? maybe? That would make you and me the same age and let me tell you something about my life. An outsider might look at my life and think I have it pretty well. I am educated, I travel, I have a great career, I speak several languages, I live in a nice house, don't have any financial difficulties, go out to eat, have a great family and friends....I am not physically ill as such, got all my arms and legs intact. I am a bit on the chubby side of life but not too much and I play rugby in my local team. So what the hell have I got to be depressed about? Well....it doesn't work like that. The story above doesn't paint the whole picture. It says nothing about the nightmares, the fear of abandonment, my nights in the dark crying, my self-harming or the paralysing low self-esteem I have. I walk around in life playing the part of a successful and intelligent person. I stand up in front of audiences and speak about my profession, I advise CEOs on leadership and Project Manage enterprise wide software implementations....only to go home and stare into the wall and cry. I have done the CBT (UK as well) several times but I have had really bad luck with the councillors, rubbish at best. I am currently on Sertraline 100mg which takes the edge off but only just. I am no longer suicidal and haven't been for years. I am now using my health insurance (work one) to try an get tested for Thyroid issues to see if there is an explanation there, but probably not. You will work up the courage to try something new, just give yourself some time to gather your strength. For every failure, you will have eliminated another path and get closer to the solution. You can't give up on your future self. You can turn it around and find a way to live with your condition. I am getting much better since my other half has started to learn about my condition ( believe me it was a long journey) but we are getting there and that helps. Talking is the way forward, so do as much of that as you can. I am here to support you, we all are, tell us more and get it off your chest. We do not judge, we do not think you are a fraud but we also know what that feels like. I really hope you stay with us and keep fighting - it gives us hope too! We want your story to be the sunshine story it deserves to be! Look after yourself my darling.

[Stilltrying_]

Wonderful reply DragonTears and so heartfelt. Gemmalouise X