She said somethings to me today. "You can't keep living like this"
"You don't need to be all couped up in the house all day and not going out in the world"
"I can't do it for you, only you can do it yourself"
"Your 20 now do you want to live your life like this? This is not how i want you to live. Your not meant to live this kind of life."
"I want you to get your liscense, and get a job, and make new friends"
"Your not really even taking care of yourself"
It's hard hearing it but i know it's true. Sometimes i wish i could die. If i choose to think of the future, the way i want to be seems impossible. I don't know what to do. I can't freaking wait to go to the psychiatrist in March because there is something really wrong with me. I'm a screw up. If i was normal i wouldn't live my life like this. Until then i still don't know what to do. I sleep all day or lay down all day amd night and do nothing. I have no life. I'm living like a hermit. All i know is self neglect. I don't even take care of my basic needs like i should, honestly. I know i need help. But where the f do i begin? I'm a shame. I've been neglecting my health since about 12 or 13 up to now. I have strange behaviors and i isolate myself from the world. Since losing my job in October I've probably left the house 2 times for a doctors appointment and a few times just to help get groceries out of the car then back inside. I turned 20 on the 7th of this month and time has passed so quickly because I'm wasting my life away. My mom said the same thing, I'm wasting my life away. The only way i live is inside my head.....
I don't think i ever really cared about myself. I have no self esteem and no self worth. Since i was 12.
*Just looking at my reflection makes me want to harm myself or worse.*
Where did i go wrong?
Why am i doing this to myself? Why don't i care about myself? Why do i see myself has ugly? (even though i feel like i am).......💬