I don’t know exactly where to start...
I’m a guy. I recently turned 26. And I’ve always felt uncomfortable, at least since my grandpa died ten years ago. I still live with my family, who aren’t bad people, but they don’t understand that they’ve cultivated an atmosphere in the home where I feel like I always have to be perfect.
I don’t have a job. And it’s not because I’m lazy or incompetent; I’ve been told by honest people that I interact with that I’m one of the hardest workers they’ve ever met. It’s because I cannot see myself achieving what I consider the highest good by being employed, at least in the traditional sense.
What I consider the highest good, the best use of my time, is devoting myself to someone who loves me, who doesn’t make me feel alienated, and someone who recognizes my strengths and weaknesses. I can cook. I can clean. I can fix things. I’m good company. I can probably make you laugh. I listen, and if I feel comfortable sharing my own view to you, I can offer council, or comfort.
In hearing things about men, most often from women about the relationships they have with these men, I’ve come to realize that I’m actually much better equipped to be their partners. I’m certainly not perfect; I have my own faults and weaknesses. It just gets disheartening when attempting to talk to women, I mention that I don’t have a dream job or career aspirations, and then they stop talking to me.
I didn’t mean for this to become a diatribe against the collective conscious of our societal standards. All that I mean is that, I’ve never been given a chance by anyone. Not family, not friends, not casual acquaintances, none. And everyone needs a chance. No one got to where they were without being given a chance, and I guess that’s what makes me feel truly sad.
I feel no hope day to day that anyone will see me and celebrate me for my strengths, but will only see my weaknesses and write me off as being lazy or incompetent. Sure, I’m 26, and I haven’t been alive for very long, but my mind starts to understand patterns. Patterns like, irregardless to whatever you do, you will always be ostracized, unloved, and alone. And it gets to be an incredibly depressing existence.