Anxiety and Depression Support
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The cause of my anxiety

When I was 5, my mom had to got to the hospital. (She had a brain tumor.) She didn't return until about 2 months later. During that time, we lived at my grandparents' house. We weren't allowed to see her at all. I cried myself to sleep every night. My Grandfather tried cheering me up but it never worked. I started to believe she was dead. Luckily, she transferred to a hospital closer to us and we were able to see her. A few weeks later, she came home. But, something was wrong. The surgeons operating on her cut a nerve in her brain. Now, she couldn't walk, speak, see, and feel right. She is double-sighted and lost all feeling on the entire right side of her body. So, growing up, I had to take care of her. I would miss out on hanging out with my friends to help her. It was a traumatic time for me and my sisters. I would find myself worrying that something bad would happen to her while I wasn't there. I believe this is the root of my anxiety. I am not sure how to deal with this.

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I think I feel the same way with my grandmother. I’ve been living with her for almost six years.. she’s very self dependent but I feel like I need to be here if she needs me. It’s prevented me from moving away. I’m going to graduate school in the fall away from home but I have so much anxiety about leaving her. What if she falls or has a stroke and I’m not there?

Recently I opened up to my boyfriend about it and he gave some amazing advice. He said that it isn’t and never has been my job to care for her. That she knows I love her and moving away wouldn’t change that. But that doesn’t take the anxiety away about something happening to her.

I think it’s important to realize you aren’t the sole person in charge of her wellbeing. It shouldn’t and never should have fallen on your shoulders to care for her. But I do admire and understand you.

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Garben, thank you for sharing your story. I always thought that no one else was going through the things I did. I thought people would would look at me weird. But I now know that I am not alone. Thank you so much!

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Of course, Lydia! You are never alone. I hope you have found some resources to help you cope with this.

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