I worked at home all day today and was doing well, no head spinning, no sadness or remorse.
BTW I have been 90 days clean. Great start to an awesome life.
Went to my wife’s house to pick up stuff that she had bought me, so sweet. And other sentimental items that started me reliving the great, the good and the bad that I had in that house. She is redoing the entire house as she wants to sell it and buy a smaller place. Sad that it may not be a part of my memories, but I am accepting that this is not in my control. I discussed with her that she needs to quit saying I’m sorry for what is going on with my life. I told her you are not sorry, you sent me away and I am reaping what I have sown. I was very respectful as I said this and did not accuse or blame her for what is happening to me. If I wrote what hS happened in the last month, you would say, no way. But I am alive and hopeful for the first time since my Year of Hell started in 2017.
Then, my wife, cut my hair and finished grooming me. She is so giving. I thanked her over and over for her help and kindness.
I went and packed my stuff, while she got ready for bed. I came back to say good night and she was asleep. I tried to walk out quietly, but she woke up. I lingered at her side for a while, as I was feeling down as I looked at our bedroom. Eventually, I told her good night, she reached for me and we hugged as lovers, not ones getting a divorce. Then, I kissed her on the forehead, as I have done at the beginning and end of the day. We both said “I love you” as I was walking out of the room. And I drove home with the feeling that I do not know what is up with her. She stated that’s she can not trust me, due to the things I did while using. I agree she is justified, but how can you say that you may never forgive my actions, then act like husband and wife.
I am glad we are working together to get the best for both of us, but I am a bit confused with the actions that show a different feeling that we both show and act.