I Feel like everyone hates me

[Idkwhatimdoing]

Hi, I’m new to this site. Really recently, for like most of 2017 I’ve had this aching feeling that everyone hates me. Everyone insists that no one hates me but I can’t believe them. I always think twice about everything everyone says to me, especially if it is abt me and i hate it so much. I had depression throughout 2016-2017 and i got better on my own around September of 2017. I don’t think I am depressed anymore, at least to the point where I would cut myself. But since then, usually at night, I will have these (I call them) “depression bursts”. I will be thinking about something, and that something often leads to someone, anyone, and I will just like become so sad and lost and I feel really alone at those times. My friends are supportive, but only one sort of understands how i feel. A lot of my friends will be rude but it’s funny, and we joke around a lot, but one friend acts so rude to me, and she always addresses it as a joke. It usually ends up making me hurt and I used to explain to her the way she made me feel but she would sort of turn it around on me. We used to be really close, and now she is inviting all my other close friends to her house to hang out and she hardly acknowledges me anymore and idk what i did but i hate it so much. Back to the “depression bursts”. Usually I’ll end up hating myself and i used to have a notebook where i wrote down everything someone has called me and i would read it out loud to myself. My mom found it and threw it out tho. Anyways, I feel like anyone would be chosen over me, just because. And idk what to do anymore bc i hate myself so much and i can’t blame anyone but myself and counselors don’t help me they just piss me off. Sorry. I just don’t know how to deal with it and i want to just disappear sometimes and everyone would probably not even notice. Can someone please tell me what to do. I hate it. So much.

[HearYou]

Whew......you had a lot to say about a number of issues. Take a breath. Now think. Your last sentence asks for someone to tell you what to do.

My first concern is that you may benefits from professional assistance as you take each of the situations and issues one at a time so you are not so overwhelmed.

But you have counselors but for some reason you say they just "pi**" you off.

You don't explain why.

The members of this forum are not professionals but know some of us need them to help us through the Gordian Knot that mental health issues can be.

The only heartfelt suggestion I have to offer is perhaps you could think about why you get angry at and dismiss professional help.

There is always someone here to listen and support you, but cannot tell you what to do. My best wishes for better days for you and perhaps you might reconsider professional assistance. xx

[Hidden]

I know what ya mean. Depression really sucks and it would be so much easier if someone could just give out a step by step instruction manual that could just make it go away, but that's not how it works.

Most of the people in my life just spout the same bs about being more positive and changing how you think about things and that "it's really hard but if you really want you're depression to go away you have to work at it" and it irritates me because I barely have motivation to get off the couch let alone "work at it". I don't know how to change my perspective and no one will tell me how they just say "it's different for everyone" so I understand when you say counselors piss you off. But I see a therapist and I think she's really great. She's given me some coping skills and she's nice and listens to me.

You should think about trying a different counselor. They're all different and they have different methods. It would probably be beneficial to keep trying, you'll probably find someone ya like that can properly help you.

There's a lot to tackle in that post so if you'd like someone to talk to I'll listen and do what I can to help.