Hi, I’m new to this site. Really recently, for like most of 2017 I’ve had this aching feeling that everyone hates me. Everyone insists that no one hates me but I can’t believe them. I always think twice about everything everyone says to me, especially if it is abt me and i hate it so much. I had depression throughout 2016-2017 and i got better on my own around September of 2017. I don’t think I am depressed anymore, at least to the point where I would cut myself. But since then, usually at night, I will have these (I call them) “depression bursts”. I will be thinking about something, and that something often leads to someone, anyone, and I will just like become so sad and lost and I feel really alone at those times. My friends are supportive, but only one sort of understands how i feel. A lot of my friends will be rude but it’s funny, and we joke around a lot, but one friend acts so rude to me, and she always addresses it as a joke. It usually ends up making me hurt and I used to explain to her the way she made me feel but she would sort of turn it around on me. We used to be really close, and now she is inviting all my other close friends to her house to hang out and she hardly acknowledges me anymore and idk what i did but i hate it so much. Back to the “depression bursts”. Usually I’ll end up hating myself and i used to have a notebook where i wrote down everything someone has called me and i would read it out loud to myself. My mom found it and threw it out tho. Anyways, I feel like anyone would be chosen over me, just because. And idk what to do anymore bc i hate myself so much and i can’t blame anyone but myself and counselors don’t help me they just piss me off. Sorry. I just don’t know how to deal with it and i want to just disappear sometimes and everyone would probably not even notice. Can someone please tell me what to do. I hate it. So much.