I finally realize it's ok to cry - Anxiety and Depre...

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I finally realize it's ok to cry

Sushi33 profile image
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I saw my therapist for the first time in months today. She has known and been working with me off and on for 4 years. For the first time I sat there and cried, which is super hard for me. I tend not cry or if I do I lock myself in a room to be alone. I was always and in some ways still am afraid to show weakness. But after finally trusting this woman who's known me years to bear witness to me tears I think I might be able to give myself permission to cry and embrace the feelings I try to repress. I think it has also helped me to respond to several of you encouraging you to own your tears. It finally hit me that I'm being kinder to others than to myself. So maybe the best we can do when things are really hard is try to be kind to ourselves and embrace the tears if they come.

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Sushi33
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Two_Of_Me profile image
Two_Of_Me

Hey Sushi, that's a great story! Thanks for sharing it.

My recent crying story (and before that I don't think I had cried for years) was triggered by watching a movie. It was about a girl who was trying to navigate having a child as a teen and also finding her biological father, and how he accepted her and supported her.

By the end of the movie, when the father and his entire family had accepted and supported her, I started crying from the pain of not having ever felt that level of acceptance within my own family, and realizing that this is some of the pain that I have packaged up in me and carry around with me every day. I cried and cried and cried... 20-30 minutes? I mean really crying sobbing, moaning... it was more intense an expression of my pain than I can remember. I felt better after, for a while. Crying didn't "fix" anything, but that night I was able to sleep soundly, which had not been the case for weeks before.

Sadly I was alone. I think I would have loved to share that with someone. Even if they might have not quite known what to do with it all... What you did was wonderful and brave, and I think sharing and admitting your pain as you did could only have been good. (and you said as much).

Are there any other crying stories out there? Let's share some more tears together!

Sushi33 profile image
Sushi33 in reply to Two_Of_Me

Thank you for that, it helps not feeling alone. I know the crying won't fix the root of the problem, but I think when we bottle everything up and stay in our own heads we just end up spiraling out of control. Not expressing the pain or the anxiety just holding on to it keeps us stagnant and does not allow us to process and work through some of the things that are triggering us. I think its great that you were able to own the pain and now you know what you might have to work through. I spent years just feeling shitty, but couldn't figure out why. Years of therapy later and some of it has been teased out of the mess that is me. I'm grateful to have this group and an amazing therapist who did not give up on the snarky pig headed girl who was so full of rage.

Larrygalanosabalo profile image
Larrygalanosabalo in reply to Sushi33

Hi Sushi! I've just signed in to this sight searching for a solution. I've been battling depression since 2013 but I was able to overcome it by putting my mind and body busy with my business. But just september last year again it came back and this time associated with anxiety - always worry with palpitation. I visited a psychiatrist and prescribed me anti depressant. I bought it but not yet started due to worried side effects. Is it safe to take madication? I take very hard this time to handle my anxiety frequent attacks.

Sushi33 profile image
Sushi33 in reply to Larrygalanosabalo

The answer is yes and no. Unfortunately medications work differently for different people. So this med you are on now may or may not be the right one for you. I got lucky and the first med I was put on 10 years ago has worked well for me, however, there have been a few times I was put on an adjunct med to either help my worsening anxiety or some other issue (think migraines/sleep) and the med ended up interacting with my antidepressant and needless to say I lost my footing for a bit. BUT, over all I think being on a med is better than trying to overcome it without one. Remember most of these things come from chemical imbalances in the brain. Also if you want to work on your anxiety to perhaps reduce the amount of time you have to be on a med you can try cognitive behavioral therapy. I've recommended this book to several people on here. It helped me get a handle on my anxiety and now a lot of the time I can talk myself down before it gets too bad. The book is called "The Worry Cure" by Robert Leahy. If you decide to read the book and give it a shot feel free to message me if you want to talk about it.

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