Breaking cycles

[PoeticSoul34]

How do not allow your anger and your past issues effect the people you love? Growing up i witnessed my mom being verbally abused by my dad and physically abused by my step dad. I was mistreated by both. My self esteem has been on a rollercoaster. I try to be a good person but something always goes wrong. I dnt know how to express myself it makes me feel helpless. It maybe best that my wife left me but being alone and not having my daughter around all the time is hurting me

[Agora1]

PoeticSoul34, Of course it's hurting you. You witnessed things a child should not have to see. Mistreated yourself by both fathers. I'm sorry that this wasn't addressed sooner regarding your self esteem and your anger. Over the years it sounds like you kept this under the rug and your emotions got the best of you. But it's not your fault. You did the best you could under the circumstances. It is sad that your wife left you alone to deal with your issues as well as taking your daughter. Now that you are alone is the time to work on yourself. To get these demons out of your mind. Things happened so long ago but no longer need to be baggage that you continue to carry. It's a new year, a new start for you in getting therapy in a safe place with a professional. I'm sure you are a good person. Things always seem to go wrong because you don't know any other way. You learned by what you saw in growing up.

No one knows the future but know that making critical changes in your life now will benefit in how you go forward alone or with someone else. Counseling can also help the hurt you are feeling and allow you to go through the grieving steps of loss in your life. Continue reaching out to the forum. Others who are going through the same journey can support you as you support them. Knowing that you are never alone in what ever path life gives you. Take care

[hypercat54]

Hi I completely agree with Agora1 and counselling is definitely the way to go. When a child witnesses or experiences abuse of any kind they find ways of dealing with so they can carry on. You have buried your anger and pain and it is coming out now coz it always has to in the end you know. Things not dealt with return and damage your life.

Counselling will help you to deal with this abuse and come to terms with it. It offers you a safe place to express your pain and anger and learn to move on. It's not easy and it might take quite a while but it is well worth doing. x

[cmeanonymous]

I hold on to things, too. A lot of my self-esteem, confidence, and perfection issues come from my mom and how I was raised. At 42 I still struggle with these things.

My therapist is helping me change the way I think. Sometimes I can do it. Other times not so much. It’s just going to take some time. You can’t change your thinking overnight. It’s little steps. A little here and a little there. When you need someone to set you right because you can’t see past the anxiety and depression you come here or go to a friend and have them set you right.

I can make anything situation a full on catastrophic event. Sometimes I can catch myself and talk myself out of those thoughts. Then, like this weekend, I get wound up and I need other people to straighten me out.

When I’m anxious and depressed I want to isolate too. But I’m actually much more miserable. There’s nothing to look forward to. There is no one to listen to that takes me out of my own head. Being alone isn’t a good answer.

Have you tried therapy? What about couples therapy even if she’s gone? You may learn how to better communicate with her so she understands how you’re feeling. It will also improve your communication with your daughter.