I'm 17 and I've been dealing with depression for 4 years, since before my mom died of cancer. I've had multiple traumatic experiences happen the past 4 years, I used to take psych medication & I'm still in therapy. Last time I would say I was depression was last school year towards the middle of summer. The beginning of this school year (Sept. 2017) is when I would say I finally discovered self-love & no longer felt depressed, even my therapist noticed improvements with my mental health. However just around December, my depressive symptoms started coming back slowly. I didn't think much of it, I thought it was just stress. I'm usually outgoing and talk to everyone, but lately I've been feeling suffocated staying in a room around people for more than 10 minutes, I just feel a need to be isolated. I've been having moods of not depressed, but just sad a lot more frequently. I get irritated easily, I lose interest talking to people & I push everyone way & treat them terribly (not intentionally, I only see it when people point it out). I also have bad and negative thoughts. I only realized my depression is coming back when my therapist told me last week that it sounds like I'm relapsing. I went off on my best friend saying she doesn't care about me anymore, I burden her when I talk about my problems, etc. She pointed out that it isn't true, I start pushing her away whenever my depression comes back & act mean to her, then when she ignores me I come at her saying she doesn't care about me anymore. I'm completely clueless to how I act until it's pointed out, why is it whenever my depression comes back I treat people I love terribly? How do I get out of that annoying habit? I don't like who I am when I'm going through one of my "depressed cycles". Idk what I would call it exactly.