So I’m in a really tough spot right now. I’m extremely depressed and I have a friend who is also depressed and numb, and I can’t help her because I’m in the same position. I don’t enjoy her company and don’t care about her anymore because of things that have happened in the past which I all caused. I’ve bullied her and broken her and I’m a huge part of why she’s sad and mad now. I feel horrible and have remorse but she doesn’t know the extent of how frustrated I am. She knows I dint like her and don’t care because I just sit there and act extremely rude and I never help her. With every action I get more and more guilty because she still loves me and I don’t do anything and I don’t have the courage to leave and we just had a conversation about it. I’m trying to nudge her in that direction but it’s just infuriating her even more. I know it’s better get us to split because I dint see myself getting better anytime soon and I don’t see myself caring because I’m just so numb. I want to become a better person but I’m scared of being alone for the rest of 2018 and probably beyond that. People hate me and have said they’ve lost all respect for me after they see what I’ve done to my friend. My school is small so I don’t want to be hated by everyone in my age range because I plan on staying there until I graduate. I can’t see my counselor until January so I just need some advice I’m the meantime. If anyone could give me some that would be great.