An introduction

[Miekochan]

Hi, everyone. First-time poster here. I haven't been diagnosed with any kind of mental health issues, but I'm trying to work up the courage to talk to someone in person. I've suspected that I struggle with depression or anxiety for about a year, now. I'm a little afraid of being right and very afraid of being told that there's nothing wrong with me.

I've spent my whole life considering myself to be both an optimist and an idealist, but lately, I've had this nagging voice telling me that I'm too useless to be of any good in the world. I currently work as an elementary school music teacher, but that was never the long-term plan for my career. While my annual performance evaluations are good (not stellar, but solid), I can't help but feel like a) there's something better for me and b) I'm pretty useless at teaching, so I might as well get out. It feels like I'm putting in hours upon hours of work without accomplishing anything, dealing with large class sizes leaves me drained, and there have been several times when I've come home and either cried uncontrollably or had trouble breathing because I don't like what I do. I start to think that either I'm no good at it, and that all the stress is my fault because I'm no good at it. Wash, rinse, repeat.

I *do* think I've found something I'd like to try my hand at, though. I want to go back to school for music therapy. I have several friends from college who went on to study it, and it seems like something I would thrive at. The problem is, the anxiety (IS it anxiety? Again, I haven't been to a physician, so who knows...) kicks in and I end up sitting on my butt.

I'd definitely also like a place to be heard. I haven't even talked in depth about this with my husband, yet. He's very supportive, but it's a little intimidating; he sometimes talks about how, in the past, he more or less willed himself out of depression. It doesn't exactly give me confidence that he'll be sympathetic.

I hope this introduction hasn't veered too much into rambling. It was just nice to get it all out there.

[Agora1]

Hi Miekochan, I think it's a great idea to go into Music Therapy. Why stay in something that you don't like, wears you down physically and emotionally and takes away your sense of accomplishment in life. Music Therapy is highly recognized and used at a major hospital near my home. It is a most soothing part of therapy. It can be done in private out sessions but is mostly used in the hospital for patients who are in pain from Cancer, Surgeries and of course the Psyche Ward. It is part of the treatment on that floor that goes along with deep breathing and meditation. Every aspect of the body and the spirit are addressed when suffering from anxiety and other issues. I think you will find it very fulfilling. I wish you well in going after your dream. x

[kendayMS]

Hi Miekochan

There's nothing to be afraid of. Once you understand what you're dealing with you can focus on improving. Unfortunately, Anxiety & Depression are FAR more common than people understand. Once I started sharing about my anxiety I was surprised how many people opened up to me about theirs.

I'd recommend finding a good counselor in your area. Family dr's are generally not the best at dealing with anxiety & depression and tend to want to prescribe medication and send you on your way. There's nothing wrong with medications and sometimes they are a great option. However it's worth it to get an understanding of what you're dealing with and learn some coping skills first. If you're not sure how you're husband will respond, hold off on telling him until you have a clearer picture of what you need from him.

Regarding your career, life is short, go after what motivates you. Aligning with your purpose is a great way to reduce anxiety!

Ken