Help

[Living17]

Hi I’m new to this so tbh a really don’t no were to start but can anyone suggest how to deal with been emotionally and mentally run down through my partner he’s always picking on me xxx

[HearYou]

Hello, welcome. As far as answering your question, the simplest answer is to "change partners" for one who isn't like that. You can't change anybody except you. No person deserves or should suffer from verbal abuse.

You want to know how to deal with it? Other than standing up for yourself and telling him to stop, I haven't a clue.

I left after I raised my stepson. No one to protect then by that type of behavior after he was on his own ----except me, so I did by leaving. Tried all kinds of ways to be treated better by my partner over the years, nothing changed. Even got him to go to couple counseling ----one time---but he forgot where he was and started in on me in front of the psychologist who knew us both. Could never get him to go back again.

Take inventory of the reasons WHY are you with your partner? Do any or all of them outweigh how badly, unloved, and humiliated you are feeling, and so you are staying?

I hope others will respond to you with other suggestions that could work in your situation.

You don't deserve abuse, no one does. But your partner must think you do, but that's not the truth. What would it take for you two to have counseling, would he go, and do you think it would make any difference? If not, I guess my first answer was the best I have. Sorry, I wish I had some magic . Take care of yourself whatever you do. xx

[Living17 in reply to HearYou]

Thanks so much for your advice he’s just a horrible man I guess I’m only 24 he’s 29 so tbh I was young and stupid when I met him I don’t love him either a just can’t seem to get away from him xx

[Clarebear86]

Curious, how does he pick on you? What does he do to make you feel that way?

[Living17 in reply to Clarebear86]

Tbh he mentally drains me for example anything I do he picks faults on I have low self esteem as it is I’ve been with him 5 year and 3 month ago had a baby boy he does help a hell of a lot with him he works a lot it’s just he’s never there to pick me up when a need him as he’s the only one what I can talk to thanks for your reply’s xxx

[Clarebear86 in reply to Living17]

Hi, i’m Going through exactly the same thing. It’s like what ever I do it’s just not good enough. He goes on at me letting me know when i’m wrong, (even though it turns out I am later right). He constantly tells me he’s picking up after me and tidying up after me. News flash I pick up and tidy up after him, I just don’t make a point of it. You are not alone.

[Living17 in reply to Clarebear86]

I no there’s not just me it just feels as though when I see other couples etc there seem happy and that gets to me because that’s all I want. A did think bringing out son into the world after 56 hours in labour he’d be happy but no he’s the opposite with me he takes baby Noah out to see family and friends but not once does he invite me this ain’t a normal family

[Clarebear86 in reply to Living17]

I too look at other families. I’ve been asking my husband for the past 5 years if he wants any more children, not once getting a clear answer. I’ve been told that you shouldn’t compare your family to others, you don’t know what goes on behind closed doors, every thing may seem calm on the surface, but they may be struggling too. How old is your son if you don’t mind me asking? I went through a horrendous time when my daughter was born. Every one seemed to want to be there and be involved to the point where I felt I was forgotten about. I insisted that people stay away and leave me alone with my baby. I had awful resentment towards my husbands mam. It wasn’t good. I have recently been reassured that it is a big thing having a child and that emotions, hormones run high and it can cause you to act differently.

[HearYou]

Woah......I saw you mention a baby. You can leave this man, but if he is the father of your son, suggest you talk to an attorney. Child custody, support, medical care, visitation rights and a number of other issues determined to be in the best interest of the child come first.

So you've had your turn at venting and getting some good advice. Now just do it, and focus on your baby's interests.

You can do this, Please keep in touch.xx

[Living17 in reply to HearYou]

Definitely am he just seems like a total waste it’s like I’m talking to myself because what ever I say I exprese everything to him he just don’t seem interested and I’m having doubts is he seeing another woman maybe x

[HearYou in reply to Living17]

OK, how about stopping the venting and do something. We have a very good picture of how he acts.

Now that we know there is a baby involved you need to shift your energy. Get going on the issues about with your child if/when you leave that I listed a few minutes ago.

And to help read your messages, will you please try to use punctuation like periods . at the end of a sentence and capitalize the First letter of the first word of a new sentence? Just makes it a great deal easier to understand what you are trying to write. Thanks for that. :)xx

[Living17 in reply to HearYou]

I have tried a lot of things. It’s as though no one understands me when I’m saying it’s him who’s putting me down., I’ve already explained to him that counselling is a great option but he laughs and says I’m making him crack up. He’s just more for his self than me it’s only since I become pregnant that’ all this has started. Xxx

[HearYou]

,Maybe it's time for you to make some decisions. Are you currently seeing anyone for counseling for yourself? Believe that might be a first step.

[km147]

Hi!

I totally agree with Hearyou. You can't just tell someone to "stand up for themselves" or "your abusive partner is not worth keeping." Even though the latter statement is true. No abusive partner is worth keeping, it's extremely hard to separate from someone on an emotional level. Everyone is different. I know that if I was in your shoes, that I wouldn't be able to stand up for myself. I would probably feel run down as well. I think the first step and reexamining your self esteem/self worth. Maybe keep a journal of your thoughts. I find that helps to examine yourself and find patterns. See a therapist. Maybe your partner is just feeling low as well. Be honest with your partner. Tell her/him how you feel. I think there are so many other ways of handling this situation then doing something drastic. It is a stepwise process. Good luck. You are worth it. no one deserves to be treated badly.

[Living17 in reply to km147]

I have a therapist I have for a good few years now I just have mood swings wich is normal for most woman. It’s my partner the problem he’s the one what causes me to have a bad day he’s just not supportive not loving never says anything nice about me. He youst to until I got pregnant it’s just fell apart xxx