Losing a friend (or many)

[AllisonO]

I lost a friend today. She was beautiful, and always so kind to me. She overdosed on heroin, and I am so sad. Not only for her, but for the other friends I have lost, friends other people have lost; and sorry for all of the people who loved them. Every time sometimes dies at the hands of drugs I am enraged, angry, blood boiling mad. Not at the people who use, they are the ones who have fallen victim to these tainted substances that sneak their way into your skin and quickly your soul; but angry with the suppliers. As an ex-user, this is quite contradicting. I never blamed them, it wasn't "their fault, they never made people use". But now, being on the other end of things loving a user and trying to stop it, i HATE them. And this rage is consuming me. I am so angry over the anxiety that fills me everyday in the fear I will come home to my boyfriend dead, (for the second time, thank god for narcan). I just am at my wits end, wishing I could make a change and fix this world wide ridiculously over sized problem. The same problem that I fight against everyday, from consuming me too.

[kenster1]

hi sorry that you have lost your friend and others.yeah drugs are wrecking society in everyway.would you consider channeling the hatred into something more positive like volunteering in a rehab centre like I did.im sure your friends would look down from heaven and be very proud of you.

[Cat_cat44]

Hi AllisonO, sorry for your lost. It's a deep pain when you lose someone very close to you. Stay strong and I will keep u in prayer!❤️❤️

[Hopeful-Tinkerbell]

AllisonO that is so awful! I’m so sorry. I never used but I loved someone that did. A family member. The detox won’t kill you but the drug, the ways people try to obtain the drug etc can. My brother had a bad problem. I was so scared he would rob or be sick etc that I let him live with me and kept giving him money etc. I caught him using in my house and seeing that scared me so bad I made him leave. I had impressionable teenagers at home. I had never seen someone do that. I guess I was naive. After kicking him out he truly struggled but until he hit rock bottom he could not have climbed back up. He now has a beautiful home, fiancé, son etc. He has been clean for a few years. I also know it’s a conscious effort everyday. He is losing friends that he was close with. Some to stay away from drugs but most to jail or death. He is mid 30’s. Much younger than me. I’m so sorry for your loss. I know you love your boyfriend but sometimes we have to love someone from afar to be able to love them close up. I understand the anger so well! I wish I could help. It is such an overwhelming problem that exists in this country. I will say congratulations on becoming an ex user! That is certainly an accomplishment to be proud of for sure! Maybe you can find a way to volunteer helping other ex addicts. Or addicts. For my brother he had to remove himself from that world. You have to do what is best for you and your sobriety. We all respond differently. I like helping others in my situation. It is very rewarding. Maybe that would help you. I hope you find your way! I hope your boyfriend can as well. Stay strong! Turn that anger into something positive! Be the change in any way you can.

[AllisonO in reply to Hopeful-Tinkerbell]

Wow hopeful-tinkerbell thank you so much. I just read your response and it actually brought a tear to my eye. You are quite inspiring and everything you said I can relate to and understand.

Hearing that your brother is living a sober, healthy, fulfilling life made my day. I love to hear the positive stories, given tons of negative stories surround the topic of addiction. You are a very strong person, for standing by your sibling and being able to love him from afar. I know it isn't easy.

Sending Happy Christmas wishes your way, I hope you and your family enjoy the holiday season.

xx Allison

[Hopeful-Tinkerbell in reply to AllisonO]

Thank you sweetie! Merry Christmas! 🎄 If you ever need to talk I’m a message away! God bless you!

[ComingUpRoses]

I am so very, very sorry for your loss. It's exhausting, frustrating, and so utterly unfair to how many loved ones this takes from us everyday. I too am an ex user, and understand just how powerful a monster it is. I had to run my best friend to the hospital a little over 10 years ago because he overdosed in front of me. He laid dying in my back seat but I got him to the er and he lived. I made it out with the assistance of medication assisted therapy and have been clean from that too for a year and a half. It feels good to be rid of that crutch and still be going strong, all on my own.

Since then I've wanted to be able to help others get help. I too think this would be a great way to channel your energy into something positive. You may be able to help someone's life. And it'll feel so very good to help someone when they are completely lost and in despair.

I wish you a very Merry Christmas despite the circumstances you find yourself in. I feel your pain and loss. Sending love and good energy your way.