Anxiety and Depression Support

Life Has Turned On Me😑

I got up and showered which is great. I felt good after but then i heard my dad telling my sister in law i have no job. In front of me. I specifically told both my parents not to tell other people because its none of their freaking business. People love seeing you when you down. No wonder i was getting weird looks from her. Maybe that's my anxiety speaking but my parents lied to me. All my parents care about is money. They were trying to resign for gov. assistance and she helped do the application but still man there is nothing that don't go my way. Call it whatcha want but i am upset by that. I tried to tell my mom about it but she was like "go i don't have time for this, don't wanna hear it". I have NO CONTROL over my sorry behind life. Yeah like they care. I just wish i could disappear from this stupid family. I love them but dang its reallyyyy hard to see if they love/respect me the same. I went in my room and i started replying back to people who actually give a damn.

But one comment got me emotional and i just started to think about how life has turned on me. I got no friends. Family don't give a crap. No job. Like why me? I never hurt a soul. But people loveeee hurtin' me. I don't get it. Guess i'm gonna write in my journal now until my hands are broke. I just don't know when i'll be up.

If i got no job how am i gonna get outta this hell? With my parents? How can i make it with no liscense and car? No money? Don't know how or when i will find a job but i guess i just go into zombie mode and work myself down until i have another deep depressive episode, just barely surviving all to make a stupid dollar to try to pay for my medical crap and going to driving school.

But wait, i have to give up mostly all my money to give to my parents. People only come around when they see it's beneficial. They don't give a crap when you depressed and ain't got nothing to live for. They only see you if your bleeding. So i guess i have to get 2 jobs just to make it out of this broken cycle. I loved my first therapy appointment but dang how is that gonna fix me? I ain't even got the money to get the freaking help i desperately need.

I had to vent because there has to be someone who is feeling like me. Like they are stuck. This thing called life, man i just don't understand it. Life has completely turned on me.

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Vonnah, have you ever thought of becoming a writer? Very interesting and well written post :) x

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It was my emotions overflowing. No, i have no talents or skills. I have no idea what the rules are of writing and such. You really think so? Other people on here has mentioned my writing. What about it that stands out because i don't fully see.

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Wish I had some words of wisdom for life is hard but its not your fault or anything you have done. Not sure what job your looking for but keep trying keep fighting something will come. There are millions feeling like you.

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Thanks, i appreciate your kindness.

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I found your writing interesting. I didn't get bored. A good flow to your writing as well as using words that I can project in my mind. Down to earth writing as if you are talking. You have a beginning, a middle and a good ending. Either very well thought out or like you said, it just flows from you as you write the truth and your emotions.

You write up a manuscript, find a publisher or be self published. I'm sure there are people on the forum who are writers and can advise you. Or you can look up self-publishing on the internet. Readers like true life stories of other people hardships and successes. You need to grab the reader's interest at the beginning and end it with something they will always remember about you.

I think you are a very intelligent young woman who happens to be trapped right now but that won't always be the case. Things will change for you. Life is full of surprises. :) xx

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I love your response!☺ i will look into it. It definitely flows out of me. I think maybe because i don't get to verbally express myself like i would like to so writing really helps get everything out. But its still hard because i want every word to symbolize my emotions and capture the pain by explaining it in vivid details. Using adjectives helps get my points across as well.

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Vonnah, using colorful adjectives makes an impression on the reader for sure.

I am planning one day to write a book. Everyone is doing it now a days, why not us? :) x

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Exactly, i couldn't agree more. I'll be here to cheer you on every step of the way. Go for it, you got nothing to lose.

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Agora, I would read a book you wrote DEFINITELY!

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I’d read it! Let us know when you do Agora. I always wanted to write a book I just can’t think of a good plot. I was thinking fiction. I guess I never thought about non fiction. Too much research and facts etc. The only story I know is mine. It’s not that long. It would be a horror story. Lol. Boring! I’ve thought about blogging though. My husband said I better not use any life facts though. He doesn’t know I’m on here. I don’t know where he stays when he doesnt come home though so we’re even.

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Start with a blog. A blog about your feelings. Make a catchy name people will google. Use keywords people google. Unhappy illness happy teens adults anything. An adjective and a noun. A friend of mine use “healthy habit girl”. You could call yours “finding happiness”. As far as a manuscript I recommend a publisher or someone to proof read it for spelling or grammar errors. A blog is simpler. Your thoughts can change. Vocabulary, grammar etc is not as critical. Thoughts of an unhappy girl. Unhappy to happy. A lot of people googlethose words. It will also keep your mind occupied. Idle minds breed depression, anxiety and negativity. You could practically journal on line and get paid. Google how to make money blogging. I’ve thought about it myself but I need human interaction like I get at the store I work at. I definitely journal though. All you need is internet.

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I need to figure out how to do that.

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Yep - great idea. And if you include some affiliate links from companies like amazon on your blog, eacb time a visitor to your website clicks on those and buys something from amazon you get a cut of the money...there are people out there making millions a year doing this sort of thing. Sorry it's rather crudely explained but if you do decide to go this route please message me and i can help you...I've had a bit of experience in this before

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Woah! Yes! I'd love to learn more! Thanks👍

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I decided to read your post and no offense I am stunned that your dad would tell your other relatives that. That is personal. You are a teenager, so I am not sure what your parents expect from you especially when you have PCOS. I wondered if they are having their own problems and you got caught up in their preassure. I hope that you continue on your journey of taking care of yourself, and realizing your special talents as well. You definitely have a gift of writing! I hope that you get encouragement from other mentors and who knows maybe when you feel it is the right time- you could even pursue something in adult education. Hope I am not barging in too much. I will bet with your strength that your life will not always be this way. I know jobs are hard to come by- but who knows- maybe your PC and your therapist as you get encouragement and treatment from them will have ideas.

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I'm glad you see it the way i do. They simply said they weren't gonna tell, then they did. The fact is that people don't really care. They only pretend too. It's whatever now. Today is a new day. I am gonna move on. I am gonna work my butt off with 2 jobs if i have to so i can support myself with going to the doctors and therapist and psychiatrist. I gotta sacrifice my own health to make money so i can survive. There's no other way. I just hope i don't crash like i did when i was going to technical college and working full time hours.

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I do not know your state laws but , under the affordable care act someone can be on their parents' plan up to age 26. What type of career are you interested in?

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Yeah i heard but i don't wanna depend on them, i don't wanna get used to it. Psychology to be a counseling psychologist a.k.a therapist. But don't know how that's gonna happen with all my mental health problems and emotions.....

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Good- and remember it's not going to happen overnight. You might be very good at that because you have lived experience and med issues also. Look up peer specialist perhaps. I know you are young , and also is it possible to get your hs and college transcipts and see where your strengths are? Full steam ahead!

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I have heard that some counselors go into the field because of their mh problems. In the mean time, what kind of job can help you with money towards your goals? Maybe you could talk to your therapist and see what feedback she gives you , the steps to take, what's involved etc?

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Also, It sounds like you need a place to vent, and that is the place for this. I am here. You are wise beyond your years, but you are also human. It sounds like right now your family cannot or will not meet all of your needs- so you accept them for who and what they are, and do what is good for you. At the same time, you also ( like we all do) need a place to lean. I know I do, and I am old. We all do- we do not live in a vacuum and people can affect us, but the only change we can do or at least try is with ourselves. YOU are the captain of the ship.

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True. I'm the captain of my own ship and I've already crashed and now I'm sinking. No one can save me but myself but I'm already dead.

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Maybe, i will ask....

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Hey, I agree with Agora. You're a very good writer; you could have a blog or something.

To be on topic, sometimes life is hard, and really that's what life is. You'll find your life is in these obstacles and they will force you to grow. Every time something comes up like this, you're going to have a chance to grow from it.

Like just about an hour ago, I've been handed a situation and I choose to do what I can about it and trust that God will handle the rest.

I understand the situation you're in, just enjoy the process of getting where you want to be, wherever that is.

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Thank you, that is very encouraging. My life has always been lonely/rough. I'll keep trying. This process is very stressful, and miserable. I can see any good sometimes but i will keep marching on i guess without a hand to hold or shoulder i can cry on.

Thanks again😊

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Hi Vonnah

I understand how you feel. I agree with Agora1 you're writing is good because of your descriptive writing, the honesty and emotion, you may not have the best grammar but that's what editors are for and you could learn more about grammar anyway, or the app that you end up writing in will correct that for you..so there you go!

Right now though, I am interested in the language you use. It sounds as if your anxiety and depression has got the better of you a bit, which is totally understandable, but what If I told you that you don't have to live like that?

What if I told you that the reason you're thinking is like it is, is because your mind is telling you a story and in that story you're playing the same character over and over again and that all you have to do is change your story, alter a few of the lingering emotional affects of that story and you could be moving towards a far brighter and more fulfilling future?

You can you know.

Right now, your parents and family are getting you down a bit but what if you could take this opportunity while you're at your parents to work on your future in a way that would empower you and take you on path towards far greater success than your parents could imagine for you? You could do it.

You see, we have no real control over what people think of us, but we do have control over how they make us feel and whether or not that will affect the way we move forward in our lives. At the moment it sounds like you're using what you think is your parent's disappointment in you and your situation as an excuse to remain complacent about your current state. This is because psychologically right now, you require certainty and you're not getting it through your career or job so you're searching for it elsewhere and the place you're getting it is in the disappointment of your parents, at least that is a validation of you even if it is not the kind of validation you want...so this becomes a learned narrative, your brain associates this kind of validation as a good thing, a thing that works...because you're brain (subconscious mind) doesn't know the difference between what good and whats bad it only knows what seems to be the most frequently used current state...so even a dangerous situation can become nurturing when the brain recognises is as being a thing that you do frequently but don't die...so it recognises it as a kind of habit.

You need to shift that habit, you need to change your mindset, learn to validate your own sense of being and get yourself a new idea about who you are and what you're capable of.

I know right now this may seem to be a bit far fetched but think about it...really sit down and think about what you might like for yourself and your future? Think about what makes you so different that you can't have the kind of happiness that other people have...I'm willing to bet that the only reason you can come up with is your belief about who you think you are and what you're capable of...which boils down to...thinking...the only thing that that is different about you compared to someone else who is more determined, ambitious and fulfilled is the way you think...so...what's the answer?

Change the way you think.

It's easier than you think. (see what I did there?)

You can be better and live a better life...yes it's hard but is it any harder than living and thinking the way you are now...I bet not.

You can do whever you want. You might fail once or twice on the way, but that's ok because you know what failure is like right? I know I do.

You can do it.

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TruthSi72 Oh I like your response so much. I agree with everything you wrote. I like the fact that we have to change characters. It wasn't until I did that, did the rut I had been in with anxiety, start to change. Habits...habits are meant to be broken and so we must break the habit of same ole, same ole.

I think of life as a stage. I play many different characters throughout my life each one according to the audience I'm addressing. That's what makes life so exciting, in a good way, not in an anxious excitement. lol

Your response gave me an extra boost today and we all need that from time to time. We've got to remember there is a life to be lived today. It has no room for anxiety or sadness. We can write the script. I'm ready world :)

Thanks TruthSi72....

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Your response is remarkable but if you only knew just how deep in my severe depression i am in. All of you. It's hard but i tried to think differently already. It didn't work. I don't know what more i could do.

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Small steps Vonnah. Belief in yourself is important. Patience comes next. You can't go from being an "unknown" to a Super Star the next day. We have to work on ourselves first in establishing self esteem and confidence no matter what is going on around us. We learn to think positive and eradicate the negative. As we play this part and see the reaction we get from others, it keeps building our fortitude in going forward.

Now it is true that I wasn't in a deep depression but depression played a part in my severe anxiety for sure. As I worked on my anxiety, the depressive thoughts came down dramatically. Medication was needed at the beginning until I got hold of finding other techniques and methods that would substitute. Therapy was a part of my daily life. If I wasn't talking with the therapist, I was thinking about what we talked about. My becoming my own person, in control, not fearing anything. The thought alone was scary but I was determined to accept the fact that I could do it. I was ready to go forward and not stay stuck one minute more.

So Vonnah, change your way of thinking. You may feel trapped right now but that doesn't have to allow you to give up, to be hopeless. Find the freedom you need within yourself, even if it is just imaginary at this time. Dream and dream some more of what you are going to do with the rest of your life. It won't always be like this. Life changes unexpectedly from day to day.

The forum is a good start in supporting you and not feeling alone. xx

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This is very helpful. Thank you.💜❤

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Remember the saying, Never Assume or you make an ASS out of U and ME, and confront your sister-in-law as to why she gave you a funny look. Chances are it was confusion as to why your parents were being so personal about you, or sympathy for you having to deal with such behaviour. If she is judging you on being out of work then ask her for her help in finding a job. If she does not then you may be right about her, in which case at least you know where you stand with her.

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Yeah your right. But its whatever now my parents obviously don't care. So much for confidentiality😒

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Most of life as we know is not all cut and dry- there are gray areas- so I hope you continue to take care of yourself including and most importantly the medical aspect. We all know that without our health- we cannot live quality lives. Also, did your parents forget that even with your medical issues you held a job until recently and you did attend a college. You are still young and you can take one step at a time.

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I bet they did forget. I just feel so worthless. I can't understand life. If i was born with a beautiful face i wouldn't go through half the things i deal with on the daily.....and without mental illness i'd probably be in my 2nd year in a 4 year college. Life has no purpose cuz others are living it up while i wish i could die because loneliness eats you alive.

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Y'know sometimes we find exactly what it is we're looking for.

What's important Vonnah is how you perceive yourself and your future...do you know why you put so much importance on to how your parents see you and how you're sister in law see you?

Because you are looking for it. You are making it happen because the way you see them looking at you is how you see yourself...you look to them for validation. Why, because it gives you certainty, it's a learned behaviour, but certainty can be found in other ways.

Change the way you look at yourself and the way that you think of yourself and they will look at you differently...In fact begin here: Stop worrying what they and others think of you and start seeing yourself in the way you would like to perceive yourself. No excuses. You can do this. You just have to decide that this is how it's going to be from now on and just do it. Stick to it. Practice it and day by day become the person you want to be.

Make a plan. Create a picture of who and where you want to be and then plan on how you're going to get there and then...stand up and walk towards your new future...and never, ever, give up, because you deserve to live a wonderful, joyful and loving life. Don't you.

Si.

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This is very true. And we often hold certain views about oursleves and our environemnt for some very strange reasons.

I find myself adopting certain negative attitudes I have heard from my parents, such as their mistrust of hospitals after losing a parent at an early age. This translated into my not feeling confident talking to doctors, and hence I have never really built a good relationship with my GP, which has probably meant I received worse care. It is a sort of self-fulfilling prophecy. Try to examine your beliefs and work out if they are grounded in fact or the product of someone's prejudices, or a previous bad experience you had which has coloured your outlook. This may help you to change your view on life, and therefore come over differently. This then may get you a different reaction from other people.

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Yeah...sorry about your parent.

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It was my Grandma, not my parent. Their attitude I think was meant to make me not take doctor's advice at face value, but hearing their horror stories without an explanation, all it did was make me anxious. These days I am a bit more relaxed, but still find myself double checking a diagnosis. I had to examine my reasons for avoiding doctors so that I could access better care. I still do try to only go if it is an emergency, which means I still do not know my GP. It is a hard habit to break.

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My parents are the same way. Don't go to the doctor unless there is an emergency. From a young age i had to remind my mom to get checked for breast cancer. And i still remind her but she doesn't listen. I believe she got some tests. But i doubt she hasn't gotten her heart or colon checked which i also tell her. Their excuse is money. So to me i was taught and conditioned that money is evil and the cause of all our problems and most importantly, i will always be in debt. This is why money gives me endless stress and anxiety.

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No matter what- as adults people need to have wellness checks - aka physicals. Its called preventative care. If mid to older aged adults do not get checked - it may cause more problems. For you to remind your mom- sounds like you are playing the adult role while she is the child. Excuse me for saying that. If it's money- I think that is why the affordable care act was created , right? How about your dad- same way? No one likes to get checked- but as you know as people get older it's part of life. Maybe you'd be a good med assistant?

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Yeah your fine. I don't know.

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BTW, I think that always being in debt is fortune telling and does you no good at such a young age. If you are old then that is another story. It sounds like you have absorbed your parents stress about money. A lot of us millions have stress about that . Pardon me- but it sounds like your parents need to learn to take better care of themselves.

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AGREED. Heard about their money probs since little girl, soon as i get a job the whole world on my shoulders. I try to bring up how my brother and his wife got away with not paying rent and they brush it off. But then put all their blank on me. Ridiculous. So I'm forced to kill myself over money. I hate this life. A lot is on my parents but they won't listen. I effing hate it!!!!!!😡🔫 i tell em i am stuck cuz them and they talk about how after college kids come back to live with their parents and i won't make it out there.

They are using me. Attached and think i will live with their asses all my life. No effing way. Sorry but I'm furious.

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Sorry - but I just saw this- your brother and his wife were living with your parents and not paying rent???? Pardon me, but was your dad working then- anyway- I certainly hope that you are not "attached" with no hope of having your own life/family ever. There are college grads who live for a time afterwards if they do not have a job or if they are paying loans etc or if they want to- but that does not mean it is forever- at any rate- I hope again that you do reach out to agencies and again good luck with the meds. I know things are different now for some due to the recession etc- but some years ago my friends' daughter lived with them after college while she worked and paid loans. Fast foward years later: She is married , they own a home, and have kids. So.... it depends on the situation. Also, as far as tutoring goes- you sound quite bright. Again, you certainly have a talent in writing ! There is so much stress on math these days that for some kids writing is a lost art!

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Yeah they paid nothing! And i felt like i had to step up!

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Wow, you are a real gift, and now it is YOUR time.

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I'm sure this won't happen over night but i will continue to try my best. Thank you for your advice.

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Well I see you have had a number of replies which I browsed through just now. I can see you're experiencing what occurs when you have a disability that involves your behavioral health that it's difficult for others to understand. It's not like a chronic physical health condition that people can see and understand to some degree the impact it has on your life. Our chronic condition(s) manifests itself in our behaviors which often give the impression to others that we're tired, lazy and just not willing to work. They don't understand that these behavioral health illnesses impact our daily functioning and are thus manifested in our behaviors. Until you actually experience a behavioral health condition, I don't think you can truly understand its ramifications (even if you went to college and trained in a field such as social work as I did). We also live in a society/culture defined by a "work ethic" which just means that you're judged by others who buy into this philosophy by what work you do and how hard you work. It sounds like your parents are of this mindset like many other parents. They often don't see the entire person but just the part of the person that's not fitting into the norms of our society.

I've experienced, as I am sure others have here, some of the things you're experiencing with your illness. Indeed family and close friends find it very difficult to understand such illness if they've not experienced it first hand. One resource not mentioned here is your state's Dept. of Rehabilitation Services which is there to help anyone with any type of disability get the help needed to get back to work. They can get you hooked up with training and help finding employment to get you back to work. They also offer employers a tax credit for hiring people with disabilities. Here in W.V., we have a program called "Workforce W.V." which is also a state and federal program that also is there to help you get back into the workforce. It's usually tied in with the state agency that handles unemployment claims and is aimed also at helping you get the training and assistance needed to get back to work. They will usually have you complete a job application and/or provide them a resume then they try to match you with employers who are looking for people with your work experience, skills or who can be trained to do the work they have. Well I hope this information is helpful and you can get the help you need to get out of the rut we all find ourselves in from time to time in life.

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Yeah but my mom told me i can't claim i got a disability if i don't have that from social security. How can i be protected and have rights on a job? I am gonna try to get assistance.

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Social Security Disability is a government financial assistance program that also makes you eligible to receive Medicare that one applies for if they don't think they'll be able to work again due to their disability. They only assess if they believe your disability indeed makes you unable to return to any form of work even if your skills, education and experience are in another field of work. I was out of work from Jan. 2012 thru Sept. 2016 due to my diagnosis of depression and anxiety disorders. I applied just over 2 years ago for SS Disability and was denied several times and will now have the last review which is a court hearing next month. Of course they look at each case not strictly on the basis of the disability but if that disability indeed as they see it keeps a person from returning to work.

The D.R.S.. on the other hand has its own application process and does not provide income assistance or a medical plan. I had to apply for my state's Medicaid program (which is based on your household income) to get the medical care and therapy I needed since I was out of work. If you are currently being treated and diagnosed by a doctor as having a behavioral health disability that impacts your ability to work. They work with you to try to return to work with both assisting you with the skills to seek work, training that might be available to you and other rehabilitation services. D.R.S. accepts the fact that if a doctor determines that you have a disability and your struggling to return to work then you indeed need assistance with rehabilitation due to your health either due to a physical or behavioral health disability.

Hopefully this information will be helpful since there is a lot of confusion regarding having a disability and being eligible to receive S.S. Disability.

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You can check in your state- but you might be able to get Voc Services at a career center- lots of people with and without disabilities get services from them such as finding jobs, resumes, counseling etc.

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Vonnah, How about just for today, you change 2 words around in your Title.

From a negative connotation to a positive one.

"Life has turned on me" to "Life has turned me on"

Make it a great day dear. xx

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I think that would defeat the purpose of my message. I really am low and need advice. I can't be positive if i tried. I feel like a major failure. I want people on here to understand me, i don't like being misunderstood😟

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You are not misunderstood by me. I know all too well what you are feeling but choosing positive thinking over negative is the only way to go. Try reading over TruthSi72's response to you several times. Let his message sink in.

You are not a major failure. You have the power within you to make changes. Slow steps at first. Take everything you can from the forum that might help you. Never say I can't, it defeats you before you even get started. Believe me we have all been in your place at one time or another. Thinking we couldn't do it and so we stayed stuck.

You have gotten so much good advice from the people on the forum. You have so much anger within you right now towards your parents that it is overflowing to others who want to help you. x

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Yeah, thanks. I need advice I'm suicidal now. Had a argument with my parents. Lots of hurtful things were said. I'm furious i could just punch the wall. I am locked inside my bathroom crying and thinking about life. I don't wanna leave this bathroom.

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Vonnah, just got this message now. I'm worried about you. Where are you emotionally today? Know that you are safe with the forum. We are here to listen to you, to hold your hand and comfort you the best we can. We are just a message away. You are never alone xx

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Since the argument i have been getting disturbing images in my head. Don't know why or how but definitely reaching a high point.

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We are all here, but if you have to- please call a crisis line in your area.

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Yeah, did he tell you that? Imagine how i felt thinking i was to blame. But it's in the past.

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Yeah....imma reach out to him soon.

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Oh well thanks for telling me✌

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May you continue on the journey to address the PCOS and its effects . The job and/or schooling piece will come. You mentioned at one point that your dad had a disability. I don't know if he is working or not ( you do not have to say) but sometimes can that be a great source of pride and of course concern with finances as well so that is a also a great source of anxiety as you know. I cannot give you advice, but please do not ever consider yourself as a disappointment to anyone. You are already a role model to others and at such a young age yet. I hope that you will give yourself permission to move forward. It's not easy believe me I know. Remember you have friends here of all ages and backgrounds.

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Yeah i gotta remember about y'all😌 thanks. He doesn't work and my mom does. It's so difficult. My older brothers got away and don't give a crap. They look down at me and tell me to help my parents....."like really? I did more than both of you to help our parents!" and what about me?

Nobody notices when your down unless you are bleeding. Sad, sad. I hope they all wake up one day but i doubt it😑

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Haters gonna hate, and Users gonna use. Basically what I mean is that you cannot reason with a selfish person, such as your brothers. They will always have an answer for why they are special and why you should take care of things for them. In many ways they gave up the right to judge you when they opted to walk away. Unless they have any power over you do not worry about their opinions. If your parents let them make these comments, or reward them for their lack of care, then why not copy their behaviour and work towards your own personal freedom?

However hearing about your brothers is interesting. Do you think your parents are worried you will leave as your brothers did, and are deliberately keeping you dependent on them so as to prevent you from going? If so, would it be best to talk to them about how they are making you feel and that you have your limits and will not stay unless things improve?

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Yesssssss. I DO feel like they are making me become dependent on them on purpose. I hate it. One moment they yelling and mad that i need to give up money. Then i do. But can't care for myself. If i say i wish i could move out, they say "its a jungle out there" and "women can't hustle like men can hustle" and yes my mom says that too. So when i help i just get used more and feel unappreciated. If i don't give money or do anything they say the worse things.

*Not to mention my older brother lived with us a few years before he finally moved out he lied and lied about not having any money when he openly talked about his 2 jobs and he never did chores or pay rent. I was giving money here and there back then. My bros talk ish to me about learning responsibility but nah i ain't learned it i was forced into it way before they were. So yeah my brothers never helped my parents financially or helped and seen health problems some i wish i wasn't exposed to. They don't have a clue the crap i endured let alone steady drowning deeper and deeper and deeper into my depression that I've lived with SINCE 12 YEARS OLD. I have been through hell and still in it. Not to mention being bullied all throughout middle and high school.

I shouldn't have to help people and work myself to the damn bone with my health while living in a world so blind to mental illness. Like, what about me? Do i really matter? Do you really care?

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Maybe they do see, and feel guilty about leaving you to it, and are acting like that to cover up their guilt. Maybe you should take a leaf out of their book and put some money away so that you are not left totally without options yourself. Who knows what will happen in your life. It is always good to have a little something to fall back on.

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Like i help them, but do they see me when I'm over here dying? Nah. I honestly feel like u couldn't be a teenager. I've been in the maturity and mindset as an adult since 12 years old.

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This sounds like a double edged sword or the "crab tree" if you don't mind me saying this. You sound mature, but this is a good point- from a poster you're parents take your money when you have it and make you dependent on you. Interesting. Your brothers criticize you from afar, and there is this fear and anxiety because your dad has med issues and is not working. We all have ups and downs some more than others. You cannot change them only change how you respond. If your parents need that much help I hope they can get assistance or that your brothers can send some from afar. No matter what- you are still a teenager and are mature for your age. Some parents have a hard time letting their kids grow so they find ways to keep them down. You are the only one who can change you. Believe in yourself.

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I also find it interesting that your brother never did chores or help out with money yet they criticize you- there might be more going on underneath all of this- so it's great that you have a therapist. Was your dad working when your brother lived with you all so there was less stress about money? Just curious- you do not have to answer.

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Agreed. Nope he wasn't working. He has Social security for years now. This convo is making me wanna cry. The things my parents told me about money.....man i hope no other kid goes through this torture and stress.

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I meant dependent on them not dependent on you. Sorry- eye problems!

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Hi Vonnah

It's interesting to read your posts in this thread. My post above mentioned that possibly you look for validation in the way that you perceive yourself? That is very apparent in the language you use. Look, we are all failures in one way or another, there is no one, not even those that we look at and say "wow, look how successful they are", who has not at some point, experienced failure, perhaps more than once...I include myself in that!

You point out beliefs that you have about things like money, and you have an understanding of how this belief might have been installed in your brain...so if it can be installed, you can uninstall it can't you!

At the moment you are finding excuses to avoid change...you know the reasons why things are like they are and yet you avoid the real issue...you. You look to blame everything around you, your parents, your brother, your beliefs around money. I can tell you are intelligent so why cheat yourself?

You talk about your parents suggesting you can't do this, or you can't do that, as if you believe differently, so do it differently, if you disagree with your parents and think they're wrong stop making what they're telling you to believe come true!

You are validating negative beliefs and untruths by choosing to make them true, even though you haven't tried to do anything differently. Stop.

Answer these questions, write your answers down and explore the questions deeply.

Do you really want change in your life?

Do you want your life to be different to your parent's life?

What do you want to have happen? What is it you actually want for yourself?

What is it that needs to happen for things to change?

What can you do today to make those changes begin to happen?

Finally...what won't happen if you don't choose to change you and your future?

Best regards

Simon

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I get it but nothing can be done the way my parents pressure and beg about money. So much weight on my shoulders and wish y'all could see for yourself. I really not getting what anyone's saying, kinda still thinking about death. I'm tired. I can't take it. My parents are......so difficult i want to punch the wall.

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Has life turned on you or is it still the same? You were disappointed with your parents at Thanksgiving. I don’t mean that in a mean way at all. If your parents were applying for benefits that is a question they ask. That was an answer not a statement. I feel stuck. I’m stuck with an alcoholic husband. I can’t afford to live alone! So I understand. The first step is always the hardest. My son wrecked his car and then moved back home. He is 23. He is my very special miracle child. I love him more than life! I’d give mine for him in the blink of an eye. So he lived here a while with no car no money and no job. Then God lead us to the gas station up the road. Its the only thing close and they were hiring. It was a blessing. He was sitting around getting depressed doing nothing. As a loving mom I was getting annoyed. I don’t like to see him hurting. I want him to be a contributing person in the world. I want so much more from him than myself. So he fortunately got the job. It’s close so we can share my car until he saves up to fix his. He can support himself. I can’t. I am disabled. I can’t afford it now. I don’t want to clean up after him with my hurt back while his healthy young 23 year old adult self sits and does nothing. The job gets him out of the house. He’s even made some friends. It’s nit the best paying job but it’s the most convenient to get him back on his feet. Then he can find a better paying and more satisfying job? I didn’t make him work in school because I felt like that was more important. I also got extra money from social security for my dependent. From a mother’s perspective we all want to see our children do well and prosper. With depression it is also very good to get out and interact with people and make friends. I was envious of that so I applied and got a job there as well. One to two nights a week. I love it. I hate getting ready and leaving but once I do I love it. I feel better. Not so worthless like I was. My son and I both like having extra money. He works more than me. I don’t make much but enough to go out to dinner, buy an outfit, a purse etc. until I can get my insurance to pay for my retail therapy! Lol. I think it would be good for you to get out and get a job. You could feel better about yourself. Make friends. Etc. Even have your hair done. If you look at it as a means to better things and more fun than work it could be very helpful. I’ve been asked at work why I smile so much and I suffer from severe depression and anxiety. It is a simple job. Not as much intelligence needed. I just choose to make it fun. Act silly, say hi to everyone, dance while I mop. It’s all in how you choose to see it. If nothing else and you think they think you’re lazy or whatever, prove them wrong! There’s always satisfaction in that. You could get help from social services for medicine and therapy. Have you ever been treated as an inpatient for your depression etc? If not I highly recommend it. They work one on one with you to find the best treatment. When I did I thought of it as a vacation. I was scared at first but I had to do something. They can also help you with becoming more independent. I think that’s important. I love my silly job. You can even work from Home to save money for a vehicle if you need to do that. Google “how to make money blogging, or on the internet.” Earn money so you can get a license and car. It’s very rewarding. You can do anything you set your mind to doing. I had to give my son a set time to get a job. I wouldn’t kick him out. I can’t. But his laziness had to stop. We’re all better of for it. You may just like having a job. Best of luck!

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I'm interested and something could definitely do. How do people exactly get money?!?! Maybe googling that will help me from having disturbing images come into my head and thinking about death and suicide.

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My son was being lazy. I’m not saying you are at all. I know about your conditional too well. I worked for a very long time in the trauma,cardiac and surgical intensive care. Much thinking involved. I’m not able now. Not just mentally but physically. I do know that we are all at our best when we feel validated. If you did something and someone said that’s dumb you’d be sad. If you worked hard and someone said what a great job. You are so talented then you would feel validated and good about it. I raised my children that way. I raised my step son and my son. I gave them positive reinforcement. I praised them for their good works. So that’s how they got my attention. By doing good. Your parents seem to be focused on negative so that’s what you give. Maybe not purposefully of course. I wish I was your mom! You would never doubt how beautiful you are or how loved you are because I would tell you every day. Just ask my son! I believe that we are surrounded by energy. That energy can be jittery and anxious, sad, worried, happy, calm, glad, excited etc. Energy is contagious. If I’m around someone that is scared then I will cower down behind them scared. Often times not even knowing what I’m scared of at the time. I wish you could surround yourself with positive encouraging people! There is so much love and fun for a beautiful young girl to see. I just wish you knew that. You have a whole group of people here to support you! I hope that can help. Don’t make permanent decisions on temporary emotions. We’re here for you! Remember those links I sent you of the stars that have pcos and acne? You too can be a superstar! Reach for the stars kiddo! I know you can do it. You just have to choose to do it. The first step is the hardest! You got this.

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Thank you. Your son is lucky to have you as a mom. You made me feel a little better as of right now this morning.

Yes, my parents is always negative when it comes to me, my future(independence only), and most importantly money💰

I'm sure you would treat me very well😌

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There is a great poem by a poet called Phillip Larkin, it goes like this:

They fuck you up, your mum and dad.

They may not mean to, but they do.

They fill you with the faults they had

And add some extra, just for you.

But they were fucked up in their turn

By fools in old-style hats and coats,

Who half the time were soppy-stern

And half at one another’s throats.

Man hands on misery to man.

It deepens like a coastal shelf.

Get out as early as you can,

And don’t have any kids yourself.

Now, while I don't condone you turning your back on parenthood, I can't wait to have children myself, this poem is about the nature of what it means to be human. It is in our nature to rebel against our parents and at some point to see them as being the chld in certain situations, but we have to remember that they are only human too, they have their own faults, fears, misery, self-doubt and general anxieties about life that we do and so wee should feel empathy for them...this, of course by no means should we let them ruin our lives but it is just a reminder that we must take control of our future, life is a challenge regardless of what path you choose to take so you may aas well take the one that moves you towards becoming more than you are.

In amongst the shit and hatred, among the fear and selfishness, among the death and chaos, the disease and illness, there is beauty, there is Love, there is compassion, there is understanding and empathy, there is joy and happiness, there is purpose and meaning.

But each of these needs their opposite to exist, we need the pain that our parents put us through so that we can make sense of how we want to live our lives, we need the pain to understand what happiness is and vice versa, nature exists in variations of all states of light and dark, birth and death, order and chaos, it cannot grow and become something more if it was any other way, and this is the same for you. You cannot exist in pure misery nor in pure happiness, you require an experience of both to know what it means to live, and so, it is how you choose to make use of this knowledge you have and how to make use of it to change your life to something that fits in with your way of living rather than your parents.

The question you need to ask yourself is what resources do I have and how resourceful and creative can I be now so that I can begin to create my own journey, my own mission, yes, while you live in your parents house you may have to compromise slightly, but you can plan and make small steps towards your future and your new life.

It could be gloriously wonderful if you think about. You deserve it.

S

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This is very helpful! I do try to have small goals. I love the poem, i believe the only reason i have went against my parents because i felt ignored and like i lacked the help and positive attention i needed. I didn't get the emotional support i needed in high school while being bullied. Long story but all the times of my verbally abusive dad treated me and made me feel like crap. Those reasons were why i raised my voice and it always ended up in an argument i lose. I love em but I'm so misunderstood from them. It's a easy way to build anger if you didn't have the resources to get mental health treatment.

I AM gonna look into the whole blogging thing. I hope i figure it out. Definitely something i CAN do. Writing helps get out those trapped emotions! Thank you. I am trying my best since having dark thoughts lately and was suicidal. I am trying.

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Just keep trying sweetie! Like Dory says, just keep swimming, just keep swimming!

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Very true and well said..Hope your listening vonnah..

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Thanks😘❤ I'm trying and struggling😭

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