Anxiety and Depression Support
19,560 members16,650 posts

I HATE DRUGS

You know the feeling? Heart racing, stomach churning, eyesight fading, lungs on fire begging for air. Panic attacks are controlling my life. Since my boyfriend began using again, there is no life left in me. I am drained. As an addict, seeing him high is seductive. Makes me feel envy in the pit of my stomach. But as his girlfriend, I am nauseated. Infuriated, and quite literally worrying myself sick. I am picking up slack on the bills, and learning not to crumble every time my man looks me in the eyes; with his not so sober glare, and lies to me. It is heart breaking, a deafening scream of emotions. As an addict I can understand the drugs, and am always willing to sponsor those in need. However, I sponsor those who WANT to be clean. As for people like my boyfriend, who have a lifetime romance with the heroin devil, there is nothing he wants less. Everytime heroin sinks his claws in, they cut so deep I feel as though I am prying them out with all my strength, leaving me weak. Who knows if we will make it out to the other side?

God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change

The courage to change the things I can

And the wisdom to know the difference.

xx

2 Replies
oldestnewest

Amen..... A most power prayer AllisonO Dissect those words and you will see the answer. You cannot change the ways of your boyfriend no matter how hard you try. His partner in life is Heroin and no woman can compete with that.

"The courage to change the things I can"...and that means the power you have inside of you to change your life for the better. You've come so far, you can stay clean by doing what you have to do for yourself and yourself only.

Good Luck in making a wise decision. It's your life we are talking about xx

1 like
Reply

Thank you so much for your words of advice, I was in dire need of some positivity today. You have made all of the difference. Xox happy holidays

1 like
Reply

You may also like...