Mental fatigue

[HigherLearning]

Hi guys. I’m new to the group and decided to introduce myself this evening before bed to give this a shot. I’m 33, recently engaged, no children and living in DC with my fiancé. Life is great! Ive got a good job, beautiful home, unbelievably supportive relationship with my loving fiancé and yet, I cannot break through the burden of depression and anxiety. I’ve suffered with symptoms of anxiety and depression for as long as I can remember. It’s unclear whether its origin was biological or environmental. I’ve discussed both possibilities with mental health professionals and I’m sold on the strong possibility of it being both. My brother also suffers with mental disorders. Though my parents haven’t been tested I’m almost certain mental health issues run in my mother’s family but it’s just ignored or covered up. Also, I grew up with a tremendous amount of conflict and physical disputes in my home, which I believe triggers much of my anxiety. I’ve had a truly difficult time managing the symptoms or anxiety and depression lately. After moving away from home and family to DC, my childhood experiences of being sexually abused has been haunting me, along with several other experiences that I’ve endured. Many days I’m awakened to thoughts racing through my brain in which I cannot calm. Sometimes by the time I get to work, I’m already mentally exhausted leaving my capacity to handle day-to-day challenges at work very limited. I’ve started to schedule days off just to prevent my boss and coworkers seeing me or experiencing me like that. My depression and anxiety has not only impacted me but what really frustrates me is the impact it has on my relationships. I’ve let friends go, I snap on my fiancé for petty things, I have a hard time finding words to express myself just in basic conversations. One of my older sisters was also sexually abused by the same man. The perp was actually our oldest sisters then-husband, now ex-husband. My sister reported to our family what happened and she received no support. I didn’t share my experience until I was almost out of high school. I told my sisters but that was it. Recently I tried sharing my mental struggles with my sister who had the same experience, and obviously she’s sick of me being so vulnerable and sensitive because she snapped on me- strongly advising me to get over it and put my big-girl-panties on as I plan to be a mother in the coming years. I’m tired, exhausted and hopeless most of the time. Wedding planning? HA!! I can’t even make sound decisions about. I know I need help but I also need peer support. I can’t keep being a burden to my family by sharing my stress all time and being so emotional. Some family members prefer not to spend much time with me because of my depressing point or view. Okay- I’m gonna stop here because I can go on and on. This isn’t even the tip of the iceberg. I wish you all a great nights sleep 😊

[Starry]

Hi X

I can relate to a lot of your story. This is a good place to vent.

I experienced childhood trauma and had a father who was an alcoholic and suffered bipolar disorder so experienced a stressful homelife. I went round the nature nurture thing a fair bit. I did eventually disclose and had an unsupportive family reaction as it's a close family member.

I became a workaholic as a self esteem crutch and ended up in crisis care about 8 years ago when it all came out work stitched me up and my first marriage failed ( a poor choice with an emotionally controlling personality)

After trying every drug ( they all failed) and therapy type under the sun I did eventually kind of put myself back together. A big part of it for me was lifestyle change and finding a nice man (I've remarried) who understood. I have had to watch my peers advance in their careers and accept I don't have the emotional resilience to cope with the pressure of promotion due to my low esteem and anxiety. Rescuing a dog helped ( see dogs for depression.org.uk ) as did using a sad lamp as I am worst in winter.

I gradually got past my anger at my family as I realized shutting them out was draining and hurting me not them, I now let them phone, keep them at arms length and do just enough that I will not feel a bad person when they are gone, but never compromise on attending events where the other person is there. But I will never forgive them the lack of support so it is just going through the motions really, the relationship broke forever for me then.

I think my coping mechanisms will always be weak so limiting stress in my life I make my #1 priority. I am here ATM after a year of serious physical illness surgery that caused me chrongic fatigue, massive stress and has triggered a lot of my semi dormant issues into full on raging anxiety and depression.

This time i have started an online samatha meditation class which I am finding very helpful in calming me down and also l am looking at the nutrional and hormone side of things more and trying to look after my gut. I know that if I recover more fully physically my mental health will follow suit, but my mental health can drag me down if I am not careful.

If the wedding is stressful why not just get a package holiday beach wedding where it's all really simple or strip it right back? I learned from my first and the second time had a small family free wedding ( they were so awful at my first), with an off the peg dress and normal homemade cake and board games in the evening. it was just us and 16 friends in a country house hotel.No speeches, no politics, It just didn't get stressful, it doesn't have to be. Maybe something to talk to your fiancé about?

Take care of you x

[HigherLearning in reply to Starry]

That sounds like a perfect wedding, thanks for sharing. We originally planned to have a destination wedding actually, but the day I got ready to literally sign off on it my father contacted me and let me know that he wouldn’t be able to make it on the date that we were planning. Turns out, he wouldn’t be able to leave the country until some time in 2019 which is way further out then we were looking forward to. My father also took that moment to remind me how important it is for him to walk me down the aisle, which I totally get but it was definitely a guilt trip. So, I’m hoping to have our wedding at our home, spare as many expenses we can and put as much as we can into a honeymoon of our dreams- that no one can influence.

I’m sorry to hear about the traumatic experiences that’s impacted your life in such a way. It’s tough to try sharing your experiences with family members because they are often torn between their loyalties or what to even believe. It’s so sad. Now that I live away from my family and have grown out of the net we once all lived in- I see and understand even more of the dysfunction that I we lived with. I’ve had to unlearn many thought processes and beliefs that once guided me through life. This process of having to learn who I truly am as an individual has been painstaking to say the least. Throughout this process I’ve had disputes with family members who don’t agree with how I’ve been “changing”. That’s been one of the hardest parts to cope with. At one point, I would become riddled with anxiety before a visit to see my family who I’ve always been so close to. Fortunately, despite the solitude I retreat to and the panic, worry or anger projected I’ve had great support that I’m reminded of and truly grateful for. Though, it may be a very small system but nonetheless it’s just enough.