Stressed out

[Lookingforpeace]

Feeling overwhelmed and depressed right now. So tired of trying to juggle everything. Family, work, school, internship and job. Toughest part is my stepdaughter judges me for being in school and not working full-time like her Dad does and my husband acts like I bug him too much to spend time together. Just ready to say screw it. Don't know which way to turn. I know I have to take care of myself better but how I do that, causes problems at home. To the point where I just want to be left alone but then I end up feeling lonely.

[Hopeful-Tinkerbell]

My husband and I just celebrated our 16th wedding anniversary and 18 years together this month. We both have a child from previous marriages. #1 you need to sit both of them down and DEMAND that your stepdaughter give you respect! I know from experience. She doesn’t have to like you but she does have to respect you or there needs to be consequences! #2 she is a child and her opinion of you does not matter!! You don’t owe her an explanation or need her validation! It’s easier to just get up go to work and come home like her father is doing! You are trying to do it all! IF you feel like it when you sit them down explain to them what you are doing and why. You can tell them you are trying to better yourself by going to school and you would appreciate their support. I would offer an ultimatum. You either stand with me or not! Do not let the bad reactions of others especially a child determine the outcome of your life because you are the one that has to live that life. I’d go as far as making a list. You on one row, husband on another and daughter in another and list contributions to family. Not that you need validation but it sounds like your list would be so much longer. It doesn’t matter what anyone else thinks of you. If they give you your purpose or validation then they can also take it away! You sound like a rockstar mom, wife and woman! Be proud of yourself because that’s the only opinion that really matters. Try not to make permanent decisions due to temporary situations. Best of luck. My husband and I somehow have become room mates. I’m holding on because I keep having bad situations happen that cause anxiety. I can’t seem to find a calm time in our lives to address our marriage. He just continues to drift further and further away. So maybe waiting for a calmer time isn’t the best answer. It seems like it would be but it’s not working well for me. I’m not a doctor or trained at all. I’m just giving you my personal opinion. I also know things are easier said than done. I can look at a situation and feel like I know things that would help it but my own life is a total mess! I hope that something I’ve said gives you some positive encouragement. I could not do half of what you are doing. Maybe when I was younger but definitely not now. Keep up the good work! ❤️

[Lookingforpeace in reply to Hopeful-Tinkerbell]

Thank u for your thoughts. That's just it, I'm not younger. I'm 54 yrs old and the crap I used to put up with is not ok anymore. I don't have the tolerance to run myself into the ground like I used to anymore either. I do need to take better care of myself though so I have the strength to stand up for myself. It is difficult to address relationship issues but I find I can't stuff things like I used to anymore either. Sometimes I need to talk things out with a counselor or a close friend before talking to my husband.

[Hopeful-Tinkerbell in reply to Lookingforpeace]

Trust me I understand. My marriage is in the toilet and I just sit here and take it. He is a bad alcoholic. I have debilitating anxiety. It’s so hard for me to stand up for myself. Tonight he didn’t even come home at all. He does that frequently. On our anniversary last week I cleaned and did dishes etc. I was in severe pain and had to sit. (I just had a surgical procedure on my back Tuesday) and right when I sat to take a drink and catch my breath he walked in. I had left water around the sink. Not a lot but just had to sit. I was going to get it after I took a drink and caught my breath. For my anniversary I got fussed at about “flooding” the sink. I’m getting less patient but I still have a hard time with confrontation. My whole family treats me bad. I just take it and internalize it. It’s killing me. But if a stranger looks at me wrong I go off. Tonight I’m wondering where he is and what he spent 600.00 on in the last week but sitting here quietly getting ready for bed instead of asking him. My mind wants to curse him but my body just stays still. It sounds like you are doing just fine! It’s the others that have the problem. They treat you how you allow them to treat you same as me! You don’t deserve it!

[km147]

First of all, you do not deserve to be treated badly by anyone. I commend you for working and being in school at the same time. People who do that have goals in life and will go far. I would talk to your husband about that. You deserve time with him and he should give that to you. focus on your goal and keep working hard. It will pay off, trust me. And I completely agree with shawny 89, she is a child you do not owe her anything. She owes you respect as her stepmother.

[Lookingforpeace in reply to km147]

Thank u for your kind words. Much appreciated.